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The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Hump day: Become a foodie … in the bedroom

Be warned when making love with cucumbers’ bristly ends, but peanut butter makes for a creamy delight
Honestly.
Mylifethroughrealitytv.tumblr.com / Giphy
Honestly.

Many forces drive human beings to do what they do, but food and sex are among the most powerful motivators. Combining the two has the potential to introduce new sensations, flavors and textures into the bedroom (or kitchen).

Snacking in the sack offers endless opportunities for creativity using the mouth — one can lick, suck or gently nibble all over the body for some sweet sensations.

Mind your manners

As with all activities outside the conventional sexual script, discuss using food at length with partners. Rather than guessing, try running different foods over your skin and notice the sensations. Certain preparations should be made; aside from a trip to the grocery store, it might be a good idea to lay down towels or sheets that can get dirty.

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Keep baby wipes handy just in case something needs to be mopped up. Even if no one plans to eat the food, ask partners about food allergies — nothing ruins the moment like jamming an EpiPen into someone while their throat swells up.

The most important thing to remember about food play is to keep edibles away from genitals. Sugary foods (such as whipped cream and chocolate sauce) cause yeast infections in the vagina and upset the delicate balance of the anus. If licking a sweet treat off of genitals entices you, try using a sex dam to create a barrier between food and the orifice.

The sensitive tip of a penis can be irritated by various foods, so exercise caution and stay above the waist. Although some adventurous foodies may use fruits or vegetables for penetration, this carries some risks. Pesticides and bacteria can damage the delicate ecosystems of our junk.

If fucking a cucumber or a melon is a must, wash the tool thoroughly and put a condom on it, always switching barriers between orifices. Never insert a vegetable into the anus, as some of them have flared bases and that carrot dildo could get lost up in the digestive tract. Avoid salty or spicy foods, as these could irritate sensitive skin or cuts.

The menu

  1. Ice cubes. All right, they’re not food. But ice cubes thrill the senses when things are getting hot and heavy. Run an ice cube over your partner or hold one in your mouth before oral to give them a deliciously sexy chill.
  2. Whipped cream. Ah, the classic. Use it to cover your naughty bits or spray it directly into the mouth. Bonus points for using cherries on the nipples.
  3. Honey or syrup. Drizzling these sticky treats can be sloppy but rewarding. Squeeze a line of honey directly down the spine and lick it all up.
  4. Candy Necklace. This fashion statement from our childhoods is transformed when someone else is eating those little candies. Ask your partner to eat the necklaces off your neck (basically one big erogenous zone) or wear it as a garter on the thigh.
  5. Melted chocolate. This one can be a bit messy, so use with caution. Test carefully to make sure it isn’t too hot, and then drizzle it over your partner. If the chocolate sauce is still warm it will bring blood to the surface and make skin more sensitive.
  6. Fruit. Smaller fruits, such as cherries, grapes and sliced strawberries, are perfect for food play. Try making out and passing the fruit back and forth using your tongues, or run them over sensitive zones.
  7. Peanut Butter. Unlike honey and syrup, peanut butter will not get as sticky. Use creamy peanut butter and be sure to have a glass of milk nearby to unstick your tongue from the roof of your mouth.
  8. Candy dots. Stick these treats on parts of the body that should be paid special attention. Hide them on the inner thighs, behind the ears and other areas sure to tingle.
  9. Lemon. Squeeze drops of lemon juice on certain areas of the body and ask your partner to find them all. Take turns, and if it starts to go sour, sprinkle a little granulated sugar on the skin for some sweet texture change.
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