So, you’re alone. You’ll be just as alone today as you will be on Friday and likely the day after that and probably well into next week. Inexplicably, society will make you feel like even more of a sad singleton on Valentine’s Day, the red-and-pink vomiting, candy-heart gut-rot of a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make you feel like an asshole for not pairing up.
It’s just another Friday, but because you’re single, you’ll automatically be typecasted on how you’re spending the day. Are you sad and gloomy? Are you bitter? Do you just want to dance around a pile of your burning heels with your girlfriends? You shouldn’t feel shackled to any of these cookie-cutter responses. Here’s how to ride the roller coaster of feels from sunrise to sunset.
Start by hitting the liquor store early.
You’ll want to arm yourself with a bottle or two of white wine, the cheaper the better. Fresh Market and Cap Center both have a variety of bargain options, but Riley’s Wines of the World’s sale wine shopping cart will get picked over if you wait until after class. Plan accordingly.
Dress for success (if success means “fuck everyone”).
Your outfit for the day is your first outward expression of your single, independent womyn-ness. Don your Doc Martens or combat boots, wear black jeans and your Coyote Ugly cut off. Dark eye makeup and a scowl are also recommended, but not required. The key here is to exude a “get out of my fucking way” attitude. YOU’RE SINGLE AND YOU FUCKING LIKE IT THAT WAY. Sid and Nancy are your spirit animals.
Curl up with Netflix.
Every asshole, whether they’re in a relationship on V-Day or not, is going to be binging on “House of Cards,” which will be released on Feb. 14. So you’re off the hook for making evening plans. Unless you’re bold enough to take your single self out to a nice-ass dinner (a pretty major statement on the Friday night of all Friday nights), your better bet is to come home from class or work, take your pants off and get ready for an evening bonding with your couch (or roommate or cat). If “HOC” isn’t your thing, a shitty rom-com is a fine stand-in. Gather your blankets and your snacks and hunker down. Own it.
Now’s the time to crack open the wine.
Drink liberally. Shed a tear when Zoe sucks the most, if you’re so inclined. Refill your glass when your mind wanders too close to the idea of dying alone.
For dinner? Fancy meat and cheese, of course.
There’s no better day to be an unrepentant carnivore. Whether your animal fiber of choice is tenderloin, a roast or humble beef jerky, there’s something sinfully satisfying about connecting with your baser animalistic instincts and tearing into some meat. Actually take some time to make yourself a meal that doesn’t rely on the microwave, for once. You’re all you have, after all, so it’s time to start taking care of yourself.
Also worth including: fancy cheese. Nom on Jarlsberg, brie, Gouda. Treat yourself. Are you vegetarian or vegan? Sorry, this single person’s alt-day of independence isn’t for you.
The finale: dance to Beyoncé. When you’ve exhausted your viewing selection and feel that second wind coming on, fire up the Beyoncé, preferably her self-titled visual album. Transform your blanket cave into a dance floor where you, like Robyn, are dancing on your own. Own your brand of reckless single abandon by shaking it like no one’s watching—indeed, no one probably is—to lady anthems “Partition,” “***Flawless” and “Grown Woman.”
Don’t forget: Life is pain.