Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Hot, electronic, lesbian humps dominate summer

Hey, Badgers! Staying steamy? As the weather warms up and the ladies throw on their sundresses, all of our thoughts are starting to turn to our summer plans. Whether you will be taking a road trip cross-country, returning to your hometown or working in Madison, you’re probably concerned about keeping in touch with your sexy someone(s) or finding a partner to enjoy the summer nights with. Therefore, this week, Hump Day is going “Grease” and talking about getting some summer loving.

My boyfriend got an internship in Minnesota and I am staying here in Madison for the summer, and I am wondering if you have any tips for getting through the dry months ahead of me.

One word for you: webcam. No one ever said that the sexy times have to stop with distance. Play around with it! Get some lingerie and put on a show, and then mutually masturbate through the power of the interwebs. Seriously, we have it much easier than our parents did thanks to technology. Computers, tablets and smartphones have greatly expanded the availability of pleasure, with porn available to stream instantly, cameras giving us on-demand special time with our partners and the ability to order sex toys in our pajamas. So take advantage of all the fantastic tech and expand your repertoire of sexual activity to meet your needs!

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Now, I can understand that while webcams have much to offer, some things are missing in the way of actually touching your partner. Not much can replace the amazing feel of naked chests on each other, but the sex industry sure is trying. There is a toy that hits the market at the end of the month called “LovePalz,” a set of toys consisting of one dildo and one Fleshlight-like contraption. Both toys have multiple pressure and speed sensors that work without buttons and allow partners to feel what each other is doing to them in real time. The toys are a tad expensive at $189 each, but if you want to feel like your partner is plunging into you, than this is definitely the best for that purpose. Sadly, there is no version currently out for same-sex couple, but hopefully the creators plan on extending their line soon.

There are also a variety of long-distance vibrators on sale, where your partner would be able to control the intensity of the vibration. This way, your partner can surprise and tease you all night or go fast and furious for a quickie with a personal touch, no matter where he or she is. Even Durex is getting on the trend of long-distance devices and is currently developing a new product called “Fundawear,” a pair of underwear that vibrates when your lover touches certain buttons on their phone. This way, you are always connected to their touch and can intimately stimulate each other. I personally hope that this trend of smartphone-linked sex toys continues, and that great minds keep inventing new ways to get off.

I am a girl, and I recently broke up with my girlfriend. This summer, I want to jump into the dating world and find a girl I can have some fun with over summer here in Madison. Any recommendations for places to seek out a fellow lesbian?

Do you want the regular answer, or the cheesy answer? Well, I would recommend the usual, Sotto or Plan B, as great places to start. The only problem with those establishments is that, while they are gay clubs, many heterosexual people also attend, since both places are great for people of any sexual orientation. However, if you don’t want to test out your gaydar all night trying to find people playing for your team, I would try some alternatives.

The great thing about Madison is that it offers many LGBT-friendly events. Pride marches and rallies are always tons of fun and promise that at least some fellows lesbians or bisexual ladies will be in attendance. Otherwise, see what Rainbow Bookstore or other places offer for LGBT-themed events, such as book clubs or movie nights. Going where your sexual orientation is celebrated is normally a safe bet when trying to find those who are willing to roll around in the sack with you.

Now, even if you figure out where all the lesbians and bisexual women are, there is still the problem of chemistry. Just because you have the same taste in genitals doesn’t mean you will be attracted to each other. So, here comes the cheesy answer: Do what you like and hopefully other people of similar tastes will be there as well. Take the most interesting mini-course that the Union offers – there are some really fantastic ones – or sit and enjoy the awesome music guests at the Terrace with a pitcher. If you are enjoying yourself, you will be more approachable and more comfortable with trying to ask out the cutie in the jean jacket who has been eyeing you up for the last hour. Either way, you have fun even if it doesn’t necessarily end with sex hair in the morning.

That’s it from me for the semesters, Badgers. Enjoy your summer, keep it sweaty and sexy where ever you may be and stay safe. I can’t wait to see you back here next semester, same time and place, for more answers to your questions.

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