Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Hump long-distance over summer break

Welcome to another Hump Day, Badgers! I don’t know about you, but with the end of the semester coming up, I’ve been hearing my share of concern from people wondering where their relationships are headed this summer. Many don’t want to deal with the long distance and the huge intervals they’d have to spend apart. Not to mention the increase of one-on-one time you’ll be spending with your hand and/or favorite not-even-close-to-the-real-thing substitute. Take it from someone who has been doing long-distance for almost four years now: There are definitely ways to keep the relationship sexy and worthwhile. It’s worth a try if you’re not ready to end something that’s going pretty great.

Like most other relationship issues, communication is key. This is true even more so in long-distance relationships because, besides your short trips to meet up every once in a while, figuring out ways to stay in touch is all you’ve got. I’m not telling you to call each other every night to tell each other every mundane detail of your day. Sure, it’s great to hear that you miss them and care about how their day went – though, I’m sure they’d rather hear about how much your cock or pussy misses them. What can keep you excited day after day with no actual fucking going on? Whatever you’re thinking about right now, if it keeps your heart racing and genitals swelling, do it – that is, apart from venturing off for sexy time with someone else, unless that’s cool with you and your partner, of course.

Ever heard of Skype sex? Yeah, it’s a thing. While I do encourage you to send some scandalous pics of you bearing everything except your soul (just be careful with this and make sure you trust them not to plaster your ass all over the Internet), imagine being naked together and talking and moving – oh, my! Take turns telling each other what you’d do if you were there, how hot it’s making you to see them touching themselves or how badly you wish it was their hands instead of yours on your body. Do you have a vibrating partner-in-crime or something along those lines? Don’t be afraid to bring it into the picture to up the intensity, both for you physically and your partner getting to watch you use it. Depending on how comfortable you are with each other, it may be a little awkward the first couple of times. Once you get into it, though, you’ll be glad you did.

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If you’re not interested in taking part in any sort of activity that could be defined as amateur pornography, there’s always the old-fashioned long-distance romp act: phone sex. “What are you wearing”? has become as clich? as “What’s your favorite scary movie”? though, so let’s try to steer clear of that and the awkward answer that follows. Your partner will probably give that information away anyways when they’re talking about trailing their fingers up their thighs and over your favorite pair of silk boxers or lace panties. Maybe they’re not wearing anything. The best part about phone sex is that you can describe whatever tickles your fancy, or any other part of your body. Have you always wanted someone to bind your hands and cover your eyes so you can feel every touch on your body a little more deliciously? You can imagine you’re doing just that while describing it to your partner over the phone. Again, using toys during this will help make those touches you’re describing feel a little more real and generate a little more moaning for your partner’s delight.

Not something you’re ready for or maybe you don’t have the time? Sexting is always a quick way to satisfy some horny cravings, or at least let your partner know you miss your hump sessions as much as they probably do. Telling them you want to throw them onto your bed and fuck them until you’re too tired to keep going is all good and gets the point across, but that can get old pretty quickly. Play a game of ‘fill in the blank,’ so to speak. One of you starts out describing a sex scene you want to do with them, and then they continue describing the scene the way they want it to go. Do that back and forth until you’re finished, figuratively and, hopefully, literally speaking.

Finally, just because you’re in a long distance relationship doesn’t mean you have to give up getting your sexy on completely. Society gives the impression that the only “normal” relationship is only between two partners when this isn’t always the case. I am not in any way suggesting infidelity. Although, more couples than you’d think are comfortable being in an open relationship. This is where each person can have sex with anyone they want, whenever they want. Some couples work it out by keeping the parameters at only once a week or only permitting make-out sessions, for example. Some even get turned on thinking about their partner getting it on with someone else. Whatever the case, the important thing to figure out is where each other’s comfort ability is and how you want to deal with the distance.

Good luck with all your summer loving. Keep it safe and stay sexy!

Have a question for our Hump Day columnists? Email them at [email protected].

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