Dear Hump Day,

Lately my boyfriend’s been asking me to try anal. I’ve never taken it up the butt, but I might be willing to try. Got any tips for me?


Begging to Understand The Tush

Dear BUTT,

I’m delighted you asked because so many people are wondering: what’s up with the butt? Lately, it has been hard to find a porno clip that doesn’t involve anal scenes. Kind of makes it seem like everyone is doing it, right? Wrong! Let’s be clear: not even all gay male couples have anal sex. In fact, according to The New Joys of Gay Sex, only about a third of them do it regularly. About the same amount of hetero couples have tried it and 10-15% like it enough to include it in their regular sex sessions.

So why do people like anal sex? For plenty of good reasons, my dear friend! Your anus is loaded with the same awesome, feel-good nerve endings of the pudendal nerve that supply the penis and clitoris. Anal play can feel amazing, although it’s cool if it ends up not being your thing. Also – fun fact – the prostate, better known as the male g-spot, is located up there. Many women ask me, “But Sam, I don’t have a prostate. Why would a gal like me be interested in anal”? Inserting something like a butt plug into a female anus can make the vagina wall feel more pleasurably “full.” This is especially awesome for any penis that pays a visit next door to the vagina because it will feel even tighter with the added pressure from the butt plug. Cool huh? The female g-spot can also be stimulated through the anal walls because of its anatomical proximity.

So let’s get on to it. I give you the 6-point plan for first time anal. First up is communication. Congrats, because by the sounds of it, you’re well on your way through step number one! Just remember, you should never have to do anything in bed you don’t want to just because your boyfriend does. It’s your butthole, so you reserve the right to grant entrance and even change your mind!

The next step is preparation. This is what my colleagues and I at Sex Out Loud like to refer to as “The Shit Spiel.” We seem to have this idea that we’re all walking around with poop in our butts all the time. This simply is not true. Waste is stored in the colon until is ready to be disposed of, at which time it travels on down to the rectum. I am going to take a wild guess and say that most of my readers have been potty trained. So you know that “full” feeling when you’ve got to go number two? Yeah, that’s probably not the best time to have anal sex. Unless you’re into that.

Now I’m not saying for sure there will not be any trace amounts of fecal matter. That is a possibility you might want to discuss with your partner in step number one. A little secret-porn stars often get enemas before doing anal scenes, a reason they get paid 25-60% more for them. I am no expert on enemas, but I do know that excessive or harsh use of them can be stressful to the anal tissues. And they are really not necessary.

Then it’s time for relaxation. Your anus muscles are tight, although expandable enough to fit turd-sized items in and out of it. Try massaging around either the perineum or butthole for a while. You can use a lubed-up finger, knuckles, a tongue, or a toy. Try an egg vibrator with multiple settings and a control, like California Exotics Impulse Ultra 7 Bullet. This way your partner can rim the vibrating part around your anus while you hold on to the control. It also helps if you’ve already had an orgasm.

This next step is probably the most important one: lubrication. You are going to need lube, lube, lube and more lube. And if you think you’ve got enough lube on that thang, add a couple more squirts. The ass is not self-lubricating like the vagina or mouth, so it’s going to need some help. Silicone-based lubes are great for anal because they last longer than water-based ones. But remember not to use silicone lubes with silicone toys like a butt plug-it’ll melt the toy! And numbing lubes are a no-no. Pain is your body’s way of letting you know something is wrong. You can expect a bit of discomfort, but there is no pain necessary for anal sex.

Now it’s time for penetration. It’s best to start off small with something like a finger or toy with a flared base. The best positions for first-time anal are ones that put the receptive partner (or “bottom”) in control of the speed and depth. Maybe give receptive-on-top a try. Remember – slow and steady wins the race. You can stop at any time or take breaks.

Last is celebration! Yay, you did it! Debrief with your partner and reminisce on how awesome that was or what could have made the experience more enjoyable.

Until next time, stay sexy and safe everyone! Keep the questions coming!

Sam is a senior sexpert who wants you to send her your sizzling questions. Get your curiosities satisfied at [email protected]