Hey there curious kinksters. This week, let’s explore the joys of bondage, discipline, dominance, submission and sadomasochism.
Keep in mind there’s no hard-and-fast definition of “kinky.” To some, using a pair of fuzzy handcuffs is the kinkiest, hottest, most out-there thing they want to try. Others think, “Been there, done that; I have a whole under-the-bed harness system installed!”
Both ends of the spectrum can be deliciously, wickedly fun.
How and where can you meet kinky 20-somethings in the Madison area?
Create a www.fetlife.com account. Do it. Now. It’s pretty much the Facebook of the kink scene.
There are also plenty of cool, kinky groups in Madtown. We have the Madison Area Whippersnappers, who meet the first Thursday of every month at 6:30 p.m. at the Noodles & Company on State Street. Club Inferno out on Commercial Avenue hosts “Leather + Lace” parties the first Saturday of every month and Sabbat de Sade play parties the third Sunday of every month.
There’s also the Madtown Kinkfest, which is coming up in February. Now I ain’t gonna lie to you. Sometimes it does take people a bit of time and life experience to discover and define their inner kinks. Hence, you’ll likely encounter more “seasoned” kinksters in the scene. What can I say hun, you’re mature for your age.
BDSM toys are so expensive! What’s a poor, kinky college student to do?
Thankfully, there are plenty of do-it-yourself options. Hairbrushes, spatulas, yardsticks, wooden spoons and bamboo reeds make excellent homemade paddles and canes. Clothes pins, candlewax and hair-tie cock rings are also nifty tools. Try cutting one end off a bungee cord and stripping away the nylon covering to reveal a super stingy flogger. Cycle inner tubes can be cut strategically to create a rubber cat-o-nine-tails that creates a nice thuddy sensation.
I kinda want to tie up my partner but I don’t know how to ask them. Got any tips?
1. Suggest it outside of the bedroom (or wherever else it is that you like to get down). That way some pressure is eliminated. The other person won’t feel like they have to make a decision right then and there and you won’t feel as rejected if they do decide to say no.
2. Be enthusiastic when you approach the subject. Sell it like you really want it! If you go about this conversation sheepishly, it’s not likely to go over well. But if you speak about bondage in a way that makes it sound fun and enticing, you’ll get them excited about it too.
3. Search for a cool, consensual porno clip that features some naughty rope tying. Ask your partner if they’d be willing to watch it with you and gauge their reaction. Do they seem weirded out? Turned on? Proceed accordingly.
I’m really into sucking toes. Like … really into it. Do I have a fetish?
If you ask me, the word fetish gets thrown around way too often. Just because you really like something, it doesn’t necessarily mean you would meet the diagnostic criteria for a full-blown fetish. The internet defines fetish as a “sexual attraction to objects, body parts or situations not conventionally viewed as sexual in nature.”
Call me sexy, but I consider toes to be conventionally sexual in nature. Now if you absolutely can’t get off without some sort of toe action, you may want to consider exploring some other awesome body parts and activities. But you’re definitely not alone in your preferences. The foot is the most commonly fetished-after body part in America.
Should I get a clit piercing?
Probably not. But you may want to consider a clitoral hood piercing, which is the skin covering the head of the clitoris. An actual clitoris piercing, while possible, is very rare and riskier.
When most folks talk about clitoris piercings, they actually mean to say hood piercings. Vertical and horizontal hood piercings are quite common as far as female genital piercings go. Some pros: They’re pretty and sparkly and can make it more fun to walk up stairs. Con: not everyone is anatomically suited for this piercing.
Try the q-tip test before visiting your neighborhood piercer. Wet a q-tip and try to slide it underneath the skin that covers your clitoris. It’s got to fit!
What’s up with fisting? Why would someone want to get punched in the vag?
Contrary to what you’ve seen or heard, fisting does not actually involve any punching. And I get it, the name is a little misleading. But when someone fists, they actually enter the receiver – with lots of lube, lots of consent, and after lots of external stimulation, of course – using a “duck bill”-shaped palm.
Open your palm face up and try to touch all five fingers into a point. Once inside, the fister can then make a fist shape. Swivel, pulsate, rotate and rock away.
How can I use a safe word if I’m bound and gagged?
Pick an object to hold (a scarf, a red ball, a piece of jewelry) and drop it to signal you want to stop. Or keep a little tea bell in your hand and ring it when you’re done. Or develop a squeeze check-in signal. Have your partner squeeze you every five minutes. One squeeze from you means “quit it,” two means “yes, more please.”
‘Til next time! Stay sexy and safe. Love, Sam
Sam Johnson is a junior majoring in sociology and gender & women’s studies. Please send questions, comments and column ideas to [email protected]