You are now reading a priceless compilation of knowledge; a bucket list of things you must indulge in before you slip into that cap and gown four years from now. All are (mostly) legal — if you get your timing right — and doable. Every tenet of this list has been tested and approved by a member of the Badger Herald staff, guaranteed. A word to the wise: Do not try these activities at home (unless you grow to consider the Madison campus your home, which is advised). We’d like to say we came up with the idea of a bucket list ourselves, but we’re actually taking a cue from history. The idiom derives from a rather morbid scenario in the 19th century of a slaughtering pig kicking a board, called a “buque,” from which it has been hung, which later translated to bucket. The items on such a list are meant to be achieved before one kicks the “buque,” or, bucket. Fortunately, all you have to do is graduate from this fine university (where badgers are your only concern, not butchered swine). And the even better news is if you fail to complete everything on this list before graduation, there’s no need to feel inferior: You’ll surely have accomplished more than anyone in Ann Arbor or the Twin Cities. So go ahead, hang on to this precious gem and stick it to that new mini-fridge — there’s no time like the present to start achieving lofty college goals.
1. Go to the Farmers’ Market on the Square — each Saturday morning, head to the Capitol with a friend to get the best deals on fresh produce, wildflower bouquets…and the irresistible cheese bread.
2. Sneak into Camp Randall and look at the stars from the 50-yard line.
3. Stay up all night writing a term paper the day before it’s due.
4. Run, walk or bike to Picnic Point – bonus points if it’s by walking across Lake Mendota while it’s frozen.
5. Drink a fishbowl at Wando’s — an easy way to make friends, this blend of liquors and flavors is a staple of any 21st birthday celebration. Attempt to drink it solo — if you’re feeling brave.
6. Sled down Bascom Hill (and pray for another snow day!)
7. Freakfest on State Street — Halloween recklessness personified wouldn’t be complete without the highest concentration of Lady Gaga look-a-likes.
8. Attend a Badger hockey game — an experience separate from football that involves an ample amount of dancing.
9. Go ice skating for free at the Kohl Center — or for the more daring, try “intoxi-skating.”
10. Take “Plants and Man” with Professor Tim Allen — one of the most entertaining and eccentric classes you will ever experience.
11. Spend a day at the Henry Vilas Zoo.
12. Pull an all-nighter at College Library — after having done this, you’ll surely complete number 13.
13. Take a nap in a College Library study room.
14. Meet Chancellor Biddy Martin.
15. Kiss Abe.
16. Lock yourself in a cage at Memorial Library — dimly lit and extremely cramped, it’s where the hardcore retire to study.
17. Order a pitcher at the Terrace. Preferably several.
18. Attend the Wisconsin Film Festival — it’s Madison’s version of Cannes. Independent, foreign, documentary and student-produced films are shown during this four-day celebration every April.
19. Spend an afternoon at Olbrich Botanical Gardens — the indoor observatories and free outdoor gardens are gorgeous year-round, not to mention the awe-inspiring ‘Blooming Butterflies’ exhibit each summer (see number 50).
20. Devour a hangover breakfast at Mickies Dairy Bar — whether it’s a plate of blueberry pancakes or the infamous scrambler with its combination of Wisconsin cheese and just the right amount of grease, these dishes have the magical healing powers to cure any hangover woes.
21. Jump off the pier by the boat house.
22. Mifflin Street Block Party — keg stands for breakfast and a sun-drenched day of hazy drinking mark the last hurrah before a finals-induced panic attack sets in.
23. Rent a Hoofer’s Canoe.
24. Visit Willy Street. Ain’t no party like a Willy Street Block Party.
25. Play a game of kickball in Vilas Park — or as it is more affectionately known, “kegball.”
26. Read The Onion, a humoristic/journalistic tradition with Madison roots.
27. Get published in the Herald — no college experience is complete without seeing your name in a published byline.
28. Snap a photo with Piccolo Pete — because words don’t do our favorite neon-orange devotee justice.
29. Scream a curse word in the silent room at Helen C. White.
30. Call out a professor for being wrong.
31. Go to a Mallards’ game — take advantage of the Mallards Duck Blind and get blind drunk for a bargain.
32. Vote in an election.
33. Eat at every restaurant on State Street.
34. Pregame a final.
35. Talk to at least one homeless person.
36. Walk on all four lakes while frozen.
37. Watch an episode of “College Life” and put that bitch to shame — see why this failed MTV experiment unfaithfully depicts our fair institution.
38. Stay up all night and watch the sunrise on Lake Monona.
39. Raise your hand and answer a question in a 400-person lecture.
40. Go to Devil’s Lake.
41. Take a city bus other than the 80 — don’t be afraid to explore the city and master the bus system.
42. Make a schedule with Fridays and Mondays off — welcome to the only four-day weekend bliss you’ll ever experience in this lifetime.
43. Get a Mac n’ Cheese slice from Ian’s Pizza — heaven for the inebriated, an after-hours stop at Ian’s completes any night out.
44. Witness (and try to avoid) a Langdon Street walk of shame — hard to avoid and even harder to mask, all of last night’s bad decisions are embodied in the unforgiving morning light.
45. Climb a tree in the Arboretum.
46. Skinny dip in Lake Mendota — and if stripping down to less than your skivvies on campus isn’t enough of a thrill, see number 47.
47. Visit Mazomanie’s nude beach — who says you have to study abroad to feel the rush of uninhibited nudity? This clothing-optional beach has it all: Protesters, religious zealots and scenic views of the Wisconsin River bluffs.
48. Attend a lecture, and take part in a protest on the topic discussed
49. Polar Plunge into Lake Monona.
50. Stay for the summer — though frustrating street construction and stifling humidity are the hallmark of most Madison summers, you’ll be able to enjoy everything about this city you normally can’t cherish when in an academic-fueled frenzy. And spending day after day and pitcher after pitcher on the Union Terrace sure makes dealing with February worth it.
*This guide to a fun and hazard-filled UW experience is lovingly presented by your Arts editors.