Like many of you, I’m sure, one of the main ways I procrastinate is by reading The Badger Herald’s online shout-outs. A couple weeks ago, an individual posted a shout-out praising himself for convincing his girlfriend to change “BJ week” of every month to “backdoor week” of every month.
I assume this refers to the week of the month when the girlfriend has her period. While I am a huge proponent of incorporating both blow jobs and the back door into sex if individuals so choose, this shout-out is troublesome to me. First, this individual talks about the use of “persistence” to “finally” convince his girlfriend to have anal, which sounds too much like sexual coercion for me to condone it here. Second, he doesn’t seem very concerned about reciprocity — BJs and back doors can be fun whether you’re giving or receiving, but I’m somehow skeptical that she’s getting off as much as he is during this week.
But what really bugs me is the implication seems to be that, during that “time of the month,” there has to be another focal point of activity because “period sex” is not acceptable. This is not the case, so please consider this whole column devoted to period sex my giant ASO to the gentleman whose attitude is far, far more disgusting than any period could ever be.
Some people are totally cool with period sex. But some people get too hung up on it because, well, surfing the crimson tide can be a whole lot trickier with two people on your surfboard. But the thing is, there aren’t a whole lot of physical differences between period sex and non-period sex. “Um, excuse me,” you might argue, “except for the whole ‘blood-gushing-from-my-snatch’ thing.”
Well, yes and no, but mostly no. The main physical difference between period sex and non-period sex obviously is the presence of menstrual blood in the vagina. However, this actually isn’t an enormous difference for two reasons. First, the composition of menstrual blood is not vastly different from the secretions the vagina produces during other times of the month. There are some differences in the kinds of cells and proteins present in the fluid, the significant one being red blood cells, but when comparing menstrual blood and other vaginal secretions, it’s not like we’re comparing apples and oranges — it’s more like comparing McIntosh and Red Delicious. Yes, they’ve got slightly different flavors (bad joke, sorry) but nothing here is totally out of left field.
Second, some people (especially non-menstruaters) imagine periods are like the elevator scene in “The Shining” — copious amounts of blood will get all over the sheets, your toys and your dick, and might even drown you if you’re not careful. But periods do not gush. The average female produces between 40 and 50 milliliters of menstrual fluid over the course of five to seven days. Thus, the amount produced over the course of an hour of sex play is going to be along the lines of half a milliliter and less than that if I choose a more realistic time figure, such as 20 minutes.
Although the physical differences between period and non-period sex amount to roughly half a milliliter of a slightly different fluid formulation, I am quite certain there are a number of readers, both female and male, who are still convinced I am totally off the uterine wall. We’ve established that physical differences are minimal, so that means the difference(s) between period and non-period sex are all mental — yes, all in our heads. Popular culture likes to tell us that a woman’s period is “the curse” — not just “a” curse, “the” curse — something that’s unclean, undesirable and should be kept secret by using scented pads, jumbo tampons and maybe even hormones that will keep us from having periods at all. We think period sex is different because we receive numerous messages that it’s different, even though physically, it isn’t.
Further, period sex can have benefits. The extra fluid works as a natural lubricant, and wetter sex is pretty much always better sex. Orgasm can also help relieve menstrual cramps by providing a fun distraction and even more fun muscle contraction. Finally, some women find their hormones make them hornier during that time of the month, and is there any hotter sex than when our partner is ready and rarin’ to go?
Despite these benefits, however, there are some things to keep in mind during period sex. Even though both partners will likely come into contact with little more fluid during period sex than during any non-period sexual encounter, the dark, staining nature of blood can make period sex a little messier. Try putting a towel on the bed/floor/kitchen table beforehand; even during non-period sex, this spares the post-sex argument over who has to sleep in the wet spot. Additionally, a diaphragm or cervical cap can be used to minimize flow. These fit over the cervix, providing contraception if it’s needed as well as holding flow for a while during sex play.
And speaking of contraception, it is still necessary for hetero couples to use some during the female partner’s period. Though rare, it is possible for a woman to get pregnant from intercourse during menstruation. It’s also possible for menstrual blood, like other vaginal secretions, to transmit STIs, so barrier methods are still necessary for non-monogamous or non-fluid-bonded couples. Barrier methods like sex dams, condoms and latex gloves have the added benefit of minimizing contact with menstrual blood if one partner is still uneasy.
But luckily, that uneasiness is something we can get over since the major component of the “difference” between period sex and non-period sex is not physical but a result of the cultural messages we receive about menstruation. These messages can be very powerful, so if it takes some time for you and/or your partner to unlearn them, cut her/him/yourself some slack. But it’s a great idea to try and unlearn the unease we may feel, because period sex can have some advantages versus non-period sex, for both partners.
Actively promoting negative messages, however, is quite different from just being influenced by them, and that is why I cut no slack to Douchebag McDouche, the shout-out writer. However, I wish him and especially his partner(s) the best of luck in making it a happy period.
Erica is a senior majoring in communication arts with a focus on rhetoric, biology and Spanish, and she is also a senior facilitator for Sex Out Loud. Have any questions? E-mail her at [email protected].
