With Halloween season fast approaching approaching, most of us are spending all our free time planning parties, getting our costumes ready and stockpiling our favorite candy-flavored lubes and glow-in-the-dark condoms (or maybe that’s just me). However, it is also important to spend some time thinking about an issue many of us may experience after a night of drinking. Now, while some of you may be thinking “Great — another article scolding me for drinking, saying it’s going to ruin my life,” this time, it’s not the case. I’d like to address a question I recently received from a fellow student:

After a long night of drinking, our male booty calls have difficulty orgasming. They can keep an erection for what seems like eternity, but the actual ejaculation takes forever. Why is this?

–Waiting for Fireworks

This question was a hard one ? pun intended ? and required a bit of sleuthing and a consultation with my physiology professor, but the answer takes just a little bit of scientific explanation. It is a common misconception that any amount of alcohol will totally kill all sexual desire and performance. According to the book “Buzz:The Science and Lore of Alcohol and Caffeine” by Stephen Braun, drinking roughly two beverages (where one beverage is equivalent to a 12 oz. beer, 5 oz. glass of wine or 1 oz. of hard liquor) can actually improve sexual performance. Of course, this number varies with age and tolerance levels. The 20-year-old crowd is usually more tolerant of higher alcoholic doses than their older and wiser counterparts ? does the Octabong on game day with parents versus students sound familiar? Tolerance levels also vary due to the genetic predisposition to hold more liquor, i.e., not the cheap date.

Does the term “liquid confidence” ring a bell? It can be true that with a small-to-moderate dose of alcohol, one can be ballsier than normal and actually have the confidence to approach the hot guy or lady at the bar. Expectation plays a large role in sexual arousal, so if you use that amazing pick-up line and are feeling like a stud, this can be half the battle. Obviously, the first step to having a great hookup is having someone to get it on with.

So, for both a hard-on and happy juices to occur, one needs both mental and physical arousal. After a person reaches their peak mental arousal and continues with the tequila shots, it plateaus and eventually nose dives until unconsciousness occurs. With physical arousal, however, a person’s ability to perform quickly plummets and doesn’t heighten with drinking. It’s important to note that this is equally implicated in men and women. The physical arousal of an erection in a penis or clitoris, as well as lubrication and ejaculation, continues to decline with increased alcohol intake. This may be a plus for some men who experience frequent bouts with premature ejaculation. The decrease in excitability may extend the length of time of a hard-on and delay the onset of orgasm. But, of course, there is a limit to the “bonus effects” of alcohol as it can cause a state akin to “taffy pull.” Some unpleasant side effects of going past the sexual peak can include decrease in vaginal response, less lubrication and delay of and less intense orgasms. Remember this when you’re approaching the 10th round of beer pong.

For you science buffs out there, this next part might make a lot of sense to you. Erection results from innervation from the parasympathetic nervous system (“rest and digest”) while ejaculation comes from the sympathetic nervous system (“fight or flight”). As my professor put it, the whole shebang is comprised of “point (parasympathetic) and shoot (sympathetic).” So if you are trying to point and shoot, it’s important that both systems are revved up. Keep in mind this concept may be equally impacted by various medicines and drugs. Oftentimes it is perceived that performance is strictly correlated to desire and how horny a person is when, in reality, drugs can have a large affect on these various aspects.

As I learned from a psychiatrist at UHS, one should be aware of drugs that “may cause drowsiness,” including some antihistamines, anti-anxiety meds, antidepressants and antipsychotics, which can have side effects similar to those of alcohol. If erection and/or arousal are a chronic problem, it might be a good idea to consult with a medical practitioner to discuss the cost and benefits of the drug effects versus sexual desire and performance. If the warning is against “operating heavy machinery while using this medication,” maybe a night of thrusting isn’t the best plan.

So, to answer the question directly, “whiskey dick” — as it is so endearingly termed — is when men have enough mental arousal to maintain an erection (meaning the parasympathetic system is not very inhibited), but are physically on a slippery slope to zero performance (meaning the sympathetic system is inhibited) with a lack of shooting power.

If you and your partner are going at it and don’t see fireworks in the near future, it is OK to move on to something else. Please your partner in a different way, or better yet, drink some Gatorade and spend that time sleeping. You will probably feel much better in the morning. If Jack Daniels decides to show up and stay at your party, expect to get cock blocked.

Mary is a senior in zoology and pre-nursing. She sends a major SO to professor Strang for being awesome and helping her with this “hard” problem.