Uh oh, another boy band has arrived.

They already graced the cover of Rolling Stone in July, and their ensuing album debuted No. 1 on the Billboard charts. This trio of good-looking dudes brings 13-year-old girls to tears and has started the next fanatical boy band mania. On top of all this, they have retained a squeaky-clean image. They are the Jonas Brothers, and I am still trying to decide if they rock or not.

Before stumbling onto their Wikipedia page, I knew very little about their music or their band — and with good reason. Not many college students consume Disney culture or even have time for it. But I figured that it would be interesting to check out their album, A Little Bit Longer, as it’s one of the top three best-selling albums of the year. I divided it up into three parts and did the best I could to listen from an outsider’s perspective with an open mind.

Not surprisingly, the album does little more than sound like exactly what it is: teen pop. Most of the time they sound like a teen-Disney version of Fall Out Boy. Perhaps I’m being a little harsh with my criticism, though. Teen pop sells in massive quantities, so there must be some element of the Jonas Brothers worth mentioning, even if it isn’t true artistic merit.

Truth be told, A Little Bit Longer wasn’t totally terrible. The lyrics are easy to sing along with, the melodies are catchy and, if nothing else, it sounds well-recorded. None of that is very surprising, however; of course Disney hooked them up with an awesome engineer to make it sound great, and of course they write catchy melodies — that is what pop music is. So, in some ways, it couldn’t have totally sucked. In other ways it couldn’t have been very good either.

If one positive thing can be said about them, the most impressive aspect of their music is their lead singer, Nick Jonas. He is the youngest member at 15, but he actually has a catchy voice. Simply put– and also rather awkwardly — he sings with a lot of sass and attitude. I can see why those preteen girls go crazy over him. Aside from his good voice, he’s also practically their age, which must be awesome for him. Lucky guy.

Bottom line: If you like angsty pop-punk and think that clean, cutesy teenage bands are fun or fashionable or worth gossiping about, there is no better band than the Jonas Brothers right now. If you’re looking for art, they’re not worth a listen. Their music serves its purpose as a popular art form for fast consumption and disposal. In other words, they sound good the same way McDonald’s tastes good: It’s certainly not the finest experience in life, but hey, it’s pretty tasty, and you don’t have to take too much time to appreciate its face value.

Here’s the thing, though: Art or not, Disney hit a goldmine here. The Brothers can do it all, and the more they do, the more money they make. They act, they sing, they wear the “right clothes.” They permeate Disney culture in so many different ways. And this multimedia enterprise makes more money for the boys and for Disney. What a clever business tactic.

Where Simba, Aladdin and Ariel used to be entertaining kids on the television, Disney now markets teen stars like Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers who are in control of their own futures as media conglomerates with an array of successful television shows, hit songs and movies for consumption. Aside from producing all these different media, the Jonas Brothers and other Disney stars also sell tons of clothing, apparel and general merchandise. Comparatively, Simba, Aladdin and Ariel were simply 20th century pop culture icons and movie characters. The Disney teen celebrities of the 21st century are brand names. They are jacks of all trades. Or Jonases of all trades.

They’re making a lot of money from all these different endeavors. In 2007, the Jonas Brothers collectively made $12 million and were generous enough to give 10 percent of it to charities. A Little Bit Longer sold over 525,000 copies in its first week this year, with only Lil’ Wayne and Coldplay outselling them with one million and 700,000 albums, respectively.

In the company of such music giants, it seems as if the Jonas Brothers can do no wrong. Well, ironically (and so fittingly), they actually can’t do wrong — they are the sons of a pastor. It’s too perfect. They even wear purity rings to signify their abstinence from sex until marriage. They don’t smoke, drink alcohol or use any drugs. As lame as it sounds to a university student, if nothing else, that’s a damn impressive resume.

So, I know I am at risk of sounding like a total wuss, especially due to how clean-cut they are, but at least in one way the Jonas Brothers definitely rock. They rock at making money and selling merchandise in the music business. And I’m not about to pretend to be too cool or too tough to respect that. I’m just way too old. Wait, except I’m their age.

But maybe I’m just a little bit jealous.

Michael Cella ([email protected]) is a sophomore majoring in philosophy.