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Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Male virginity can be awkward, sexy

All right ladies, let's get hypothetical here.

When it comes to sex, some gals heed the adage that size really does matter. Some of us are less about size and more about endurance. Still, others are all about the rhythm.

Let's be fair, though. Great sex isn't all the guy's job; quite the contrary, actually. The girl can be the one to turn a normal night into an erotic adventure, and she can also be the one to make a bedroom romp completely sizzle.

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And what happens when the guy is a virgin?

"American Pie" is a great fictional case study of this situation. Good ol' Jim, along with his friends, is a virgin until the end of his senior year of high school. Losing their virginity before going off to college is important to them, and each goes through desperate measures to get deflowered.

After several embarrassing mishaps, Jim finds himself flat out of luck and must resort to taking Michelle, the band geek, to prom. Although she seems sweet and innocent, Michelle turns out to be a regular nymphomaniac; the two have sex on prom night, and the result isn't half bad. And, in the typical Hollywood fashion, Michelle and Jim eventually get married in one of the sequels.

But does "American Pie" really paint an accurate portrayal of a standard first sexual experience?

Let's consider this. For many people in our age group, it is generally accepted that the term virgin means that one has never had vaginal intercourse. A guy might still consider himself a virgin even if he has participated in oral or anal sex.

Therefore, some "virgins" aren't as innocent as they appear. Many have had sexual experiences, just not "the" sexual experience.

There are no statistics to show exactly how many young men go off to college as virgins, but from my personal knowledge (and again, this is not a completely accurate number), I'd estimate roughly 30 to 40 percent.

Since these guys waited to play the V-card, are they at a disadvantage in the girl department?

Girls, let's say you were dating a guy, and the virginity issue came up. Let's also say that you weren't a virgin and said so. After your confession, the guy just looks at you with doe eyes and tells you that he is a virgin.

This puts the girl in what could be an awkward situation. Usually, or so our culture says, if one person is a virgin, it's the girl. The guy is the one who reassures her that she will be fine, that he loves her and all the rest of that spiel.

I'm not so convinced girls do that to woo a guy, so I set out to find some answers. I asked my neighbor what she would do if placed in that situation.

"I'm not going to lie; I would feel really awkward," she said.

But would she ever have sex with him?

"I don't know. I might, but I'd be way more reluctant."

I asked my friend at another university for some out-of-state input, and she said it would make her feel differently about the guy in some aspects, but that she "would still probably give him a chance."

Even though my sampling isn't reliable enough to publish a study, I'll venture a conclusion based on the responses of these two girls and my basic knowledge of the female population as a whole: Usually a girl would feel uncomfortable learning that, while she is not a virgin, her potential partner is.

So does this mean a guy is out of luck if he happens to be dating a more experienced female? Of course not! Ladies, think of it this way. If the guy is in college and is a virgin:

1. He probably has a reason for it. Most likely he views sex as something more than just a casual, one-night thing. This means that if the topic comes up when you two are together, he must view you as the most serious he's been about a girl, and that means he has genuine feelings for you.

2. He hasn't been exposed to as many STDs. Granted, one can get a plethora of STDs from oral or anal sex, but having less sexual contact means less exposure to STDs (although you should always use a condom anyway, just to be safe).

3. He could have unbelievably high standards. Maybe he doesn't go for girls who eat with their mouths open, have an obnoxious laugh, can't hold a good conversation, etc. Or maybe every girl he's met just hasn't seemed hot enough to arouse his interest. Hooking up with this virgin should be a total ego boost, because you probably encompass all the personality traits he looks for in a girl and are totally sexy in his eyes.

4. He may be a little shy in interacting with women or about his body. This could be a turn-off for some girls, but the way I see it, a shy guy is a challenge. A shy guy will be reluctant to call you; therefore, you will have to go out of your way to call him. You will be the one to put yourself out there; you will be the one wearing the pants in the relationship. Basically, the guy is playing hard-to-get and making you work for it. And let's face it, finally "getting" someone (and I don't necessarily mean that by finally deflowering him) is so much more rewarding if there is some work involved, instead of it just being a sure thing. It's the thrill of the chase, if you will. This also gives you the chance to release the inner dominatrix that's been comatose for so long. A girl will be much more willing to try something new sexually on a guy if he is less experienced.

5. In summary, if the girl isn't a virgin and the guy is, it could be awkward, but it could also be rewarding. Just because a guy lacks experience in that department and isn't the Italian Stallion you were dreaming of doesn't mean he will turn out to be a total dud, either. So ladies, remember: If the sexy guy you're seeing happens to be a virgin, embrace it. It's always good to have new experiences, and who knows, maybe it will pay off!

Jenny Kalaidis is a freshman majoring in communication arts and journalism. Send questions, comments, and tales of sexual escapades to [email protected].

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