Children's movies always necessitate the simplest of plots. Sleeping Beauty needs to wake up. Simba needs to become the lion king. Nemo needs to be found. It is a basic formula that cannot be screwed up — or at least that is what one would think.

The new CGI flick "Doogal" keeps the plot basic enough. A team of ragtag heroes, led by the title character, tries to save the world from the maniacal scheme of an evil baddie. Tried and true, it is something that is simple enough that kids will get, yet still provides a million ways that it could possibly play out.

However, with "Doogal," the storyline is set up in such a half-assed manner that the audience loses interest within the first five minutes. Sadly, that is only the beginning of the film's many problems.

Yet as hard as it may be to believe, that is getting ahead of things. A little backtracking is necessary. The reason "Doogal" is even in American theaters is bizarre. At first, the film comes across as just another of the slew of CGI films that gets pumped out annually nowadays thanks to the success of the Pixar and Disney collaborations. Not the case. "Doogal" was actually released over a year ago in the United Kingdom and France. Except then they called it "The Magic Roundabout"/"Le Manége Enchanté" and it was voiced by famous actors from those respective countries. Why create a new movie when you can just dub the same one all over again with different voices?

But it gets more obscure than that. The film is based on a popular stop-animation television series of the same name that aired in both Great Britain and France during the '60s. Although both were extremely popular among children, the English version became a cult favorite because of its dry humor that catered to adults. That makes perfect sense for the revamp across the Atlantic, but sadly, the appeal somehow gets lost in translation stateside.

One could ask, "Why does it even matter that it does not carry the same nostalgia as it does in Europe?" Well, it would be forgivable if the movie were actually any good. And what hurts most is how forgiving a viewer can be, and yet "Doogal" still manages to disappoint in every manner possible.

Let's get back to the plot. A recently escaped evil sorcerer named Zeebad (Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show") is after three magical diamonds. With their power, he can exact the perfect revenge: a worldwide deep-freeze.

However, a fellowship of unlikely heroes vows to get the diamonds first and stop the world from turning into a planet-sized popsicle. The crew includes Doogal (Daniel Tay, "Elf"), a shaggy-haired dog, a rabbit named Dylan (Jimmy Fallon, "Taxi"), the helpful Train (Chevy Chase, "Orange County") and the oddest of all odd couples — Brian the snail (William H. Macy, "Sahara") and Ermintrude the cow (Whoopi Goldberg, "Racing Stripes").

The only things standing in their way are lava pits, icy mountains and an ancient temple guarded by ninja skeletons. But of course the biggest struggle they face is learning that their friendship and cooperation will be what truly saves the day.

Its random characters and farfetched plot are allowable as it is a children's movie — all rules of logic are thrown out the window. The cheesy lesson is not only expected, but obligatory. However, beyond that, everything else is inexcusable.

Not only are none of their exploits the least bit interesting, but the characters are not even likeable — particularly Doogal. A selfish mutt — the viewer is annoyed any time he speaks. It is never a good sign when there are hopes that the main character of a children's movie is killed off.

What is more disappointing is that the rest of the cast is comprised of some of comedy's best. With Stewart, Fallon, Chase, Macy and Goldberg voicing the remainder of the leads, one would imagine that the dialogue would provide more than just the occasional cheap chuckle. Not true.

The overabundance of talent is completely wasted. Add in about a half dozen too many crude fart jokes and twice as many unnecessary pop culture references and "Doogal" becomes agonizing to watch. The only thing that saves the day is its short length — a mere 85-minute tour of hell.

It all boils down to whether the movie can entertain the kiddies. Not intelligent, nor creative, nor humorous, "Doogal" is the cinematic equivalent of the "Teletubbies." Will a few kids find it entertaining? Probably (and the younger the better). But will the adults in the audience be left scratching their heads as to how a children's movie could be so stupid? Definitely.

Rating: 0 out of 5