I had finally found him. He was smart, sweet, handsome, and he adored me. When I was least expecting it, I stumbled upon Mr. Perfect. Two weeks later marked the first night of my new job and, upon meeting my cute new coworker, I found myself weak in the knees. I dismissed the initial attraction and assumed that it would just go away over time. However, after six perfect months with Mr. Perfect, I still found myself daydreaming about my cute coworker. As it were, the more I knew about him the more I was attracted to him, and he eventually told me that he felt the same way. How could this happen? How could I find two Mr. Perfects at the same time?
The classic explanation for this phenomenon holds that once you stop looking for a relationship you are more relaxed, thus appearing more attractive and approachable to prospective mates. This may be true, but what about those of us who were never looking for a relationship in the first place? I for one enjoy the single life and, according to theory, should have men flocking to me, begging me to be their girlfriend. Needless to say, this is not the case.
In light of my exception to the current theory, I developed my own explanation: I love my single life so much that I am subconsciously sabotaging my perfect relationship. Although I’m certain that my theory is fairly accurate, it still doesn’t help my situation. What do you do when the sexual tension is explosive? What do you do when you find yourself daydreaming more about your crush than your perfect boyfriend? It sounds completely crazy that I can identify exactly what I am doing and still can’t stop myself, but it’s true.
As we get older we become more selective about the people we date. After countless failed relationships with Mr. Wrongs we are more aware of the type of person we are looking for. After having our hearts broken again and again, it takes a very special person to convince us to sacrifice our single status for a new relationship. Unfortunately, these special people tend to show up in pairs.
I am left in a very sticky situation: I love my boyfriend, but I can’t stop thinking about the other man. I have always promised myself that I would never date anyone if I felt like they were holding me back from meeting other people. I don’t plan on getting married anytime in the next decade, so why not live life to the fullest and take in every experience I can?
According to this policy I should just break up with my boyfriend, but the thought of hurting someone I care so much about breaks my heart. I begin to wonder why I can’t just put my hormones aside and develop a friendship with the other man, but the attraction is way too strong to just be friends.
If I can’t break up with my boyfriend, and I can’t just be friends with the other man, this leaves me one option: cheat. I feel awful for even thinking it, but is cheating really that wrong? Is it possible that, in certain situations, the only way to be happy is to cheat? My conscience stops me from further considering premeditated cheating, but I am no closer to a solution.
When analyzing my situation, I realize that it isn’t as simple as just choosing the man I want to be with. I have to think about why I want to be with him. Am I only staying with my boyfriend for comfort? Do I only like my coworker because I can’t have him?
I think through all of the things I could have done in the past to prevent things from getting this far: I should have told my boyfriend I wasn’t ready to be exclusive right away; then I could have dated them both and then made my decision. I should have read more into the flirtations with my coworker instead of waiting for him to make the move. I can think of a thousand things I should have done in the past, but I can’t come up with a single solution for the future.
After weeks of torturing myself over the difficult decision that lies ahead, I decide to stick to my honesty policy. I’ll just have to tell my boyfriend the truth and see where it goes from there. If he really is as perfect as I think he is, he’ll agree to slow things down and give me a chance to see where things could go with my coworker.
Chances are he’s not perfect. And maybe that will be my wakeup call. Maybe he’ll send me back into the single life where all the perfect men seem to disappear.
The beauty of dating is that you aren’t permanently bound to anyone. It is often hard, however, to decide when a breakup is in order. Sometimes, even when a breakup is the only obvious solution, it is harder to leave the comfort of being in a relationship than we’d like to admit.
The most important thing is to be strong and do what will make you happy in the long run. Chances are if you are questioning your relationship now, this isn’t the person you should be with for the rest of your life. No matter how hard it is, the best thing to do is to break up with who you thought was Mr. Perfect. Down the road you’ll probably stumble upon the one person you are truly meant to be with, anyway. Or maybe you’ll stumble upon two of them.
