With Chanelgate heating up, Gato, Magda and Jenna Bush headed for a few days’ escape in Havana. Not the real Havana, Cuba but a wonderful recreation of it that is the Tropicana Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey — 70 minutes from Philadelphia and a crappy movie on a portable DVD player away from New York, only $10 on the Chinatown bus from the Tropicana depot.
Maria also comes from Philadelphia because once riders arrive, different casinos give back the cost of the $15 Greyhound ride with the equivalent in casino vouchers.
AC doesn’t mean air conditioning in Jersey, it means Atlantic City, and the birthplace of Monopoly has been miscast for years as the poor-man’s Vegas. But to think of it that way, is to ignore the boardwalk community’s rich contribution to American history. After sampling the new Starbucks coffee liquor at Starbucks on the revamped AC Boardwalk, Jenna commented that, “Bruce Springsteen did the Atlantic City song, Sheryl Crow did the Las Vegas song. Blue-or Red-state vacation aside, that’s all I have to say.”
Many of the old pre-Vegas-era casinos, like the Tropicana, have undergone significant renovations. Downtown Atlantic City has been turned into an outdoor shopping mall featuring a mix of classic label and high-end designer discount boutiques, including a Dolce and Gabanna outlet.
While Fox News, CNN and local affiliates chased supposedly bigger stories, Gato was being hounded by members of the fashion press — Women’s Wear Daily, Vogue Online, Nylon, The Manchester Guardian and even the Style Network — had all been trying to find out if Gato had been using his interim position as Condie Rice’s personal shopper to leverage additional discounts for high-end designer wear. Gato thought with AC’s proximity to Philadelphia and NYC, it was the perfect place to slip under the radar and serve Dr. Rice and his country, scoping out deep, discount fashion.
Those below the trust-fund class often need covert operations to experience extravagance in tight times. For those without family, free places to stay, or who don’t want to stay with disfunction-amily in the Gotham megalopolis, AC hotels provide a better than settling option. Magda found a room with two king-size beds and ocean view at the Tropicana for $58. Much to this party’s surprise, the rooms were tastefully decorated with large black and white photos of the Boardwalk around the turn of the century, not late-era Trump rococo.
Entertainment packages at AC, some as cheap as $99 including show and hotel room for two, still bring Wayne Newton to the stage. Contemporary artist Alicia Keys and legends like BB King also round out Tropicana bills these days. Everything supported by 24-hour gambling explains the low prices people with warm luck can take advantage of.
When many hotels advertise having a gym, it means four treadmills. Tropicana’s gym is a bonafide small health club, even featuring free weights for your rock-hard South Jersey (or Southern Wisconsin) dangerous liaison. Beyond the weight room is a heated pool with a view of the now pristine beach and underrated Jersey coastline.
Everything is self-contained in the Tropicana complex, which by Jenna’s estimate, covers two big city blocks. Cockfighting is the only betting Gato and his entourage regularly engaged in, so before hitting the Casino, everyone started their mini-hiding-from-the-press-vacation enjoying the shopping and eateries in Old Havana, below Tropicana’s casino.
Of course, this was not before taking in the high art of dueling pianos in the upstairs lounge.
Philadelphia’s popular Cuba Libre nightclub and restaurant is the centerpiece of the promenade. It’s the best place to catch celebrities who often slip off to AC after moving from Manhattan’s now-tepid clubs.
Other featured eateries are Sounds of Philadelphia and Carmine’s Italian. Clothing stores in Old Havana, like St. John, Cache and Swarovski Crystal fall a bit on the side of aging Kelly Ripa. Gato did purchase several false Lite Beer cans for Condi at the Spy Store to hide her pearls. Gato was also instructed to pick up a few for Vice-President Cheney, for “you don’t need to know” reasons.
Every new Diamond club member receives a discount book. Jenna ripped out the ‘$500-off-your-next-$5000-purchase-at-the-Spy Store coupon and sent it to the defense department. “They can sure use this with the new federal budget,” she remarked.
As Jenna took down her fourth $3-dollar, twenty-ounce Bloody Mary at Firewaters, one of the Tropicana’s new bars, she suddenly yelled, “That liberal press and their Chanelgate! They didn’t pay this much attention to President Clinton when he bailed out all of his Wall Street buddies entangled in the late ’90s South American Bank crisis.”
Magma, as Jenna’s PR agent, reminded her that the attention of the fashion press only meant good scandal.
Jenna didn’t want to bring any negative attention to her father’s administration so instead of joining Magda and Gato on the penny and nickel slots, went out into Atlantic City schools to do community service, no photo ops needed.
Magda also thought it was best to separate Maria from Jenna after she tipsy-disrespectfully asked the fist daughter, “Do you ever just get all ‘Marsha, Marsha, Marsha’ with your Yale twin?”
Meanwhile, the rest of the party played slots nearest to whatever waitress was handing out free beers and foamy piña coladas.
In the summertime, the boardwalk is alive with the short stories of the Jersey Shore. With the wind still carrying winter chill, the party opted for casino hopping. Magda was the luckiest, winning $68 on the penny-slot game, Spam, where the goddess Fortuna is challenged by cans of mystery meat.
The next day was spent in Manhattan exploring for discounts. Walking up Broadway, looking for perfume discounters between 23rd and 30th, the group discovered Dan Rather was still on their trail. “You can smell him out by his Chanel #5,” Magda remarked.
Before the current couture jean craze, Gato found several stores right below Central Park that sold high-end designer labels at 20-to-40 percent off. They’re still there, and they have all the favorites jean labels usually costing half a small, Midwestern-city paycheck. Next week, Gato thoroughly covers discount Manhattan fashion, and he’ll reveal where Magda got this spring’s Prada shoes for $79, (real Prada).
