Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Maturity brings wisdom to love

Ten o’clock in the morning and you have to go to the drug store before the faucet that is your nose floods the entire city. Sweatpants, greasy unwashed mullet-like hair and last night’s mascara still lingering under your eyes, you slowly creep out of 2B. Onto the street and into Walgreen’s you run. Tylenol, Kleenex, chocolate milk, done. Dashing out the doors and around the corner, your almost home free. Then bam, out of nowhere, the last person you expected to see is standing right in front of you: the ex.

Mr. 11 months ago looks just about as shocked to see you as you are self-conscious of the shiny t-zone blazing from your forehead. You mumble under your breath and then crack a smile trying your best not to look distressed. Strange hellos are exchanged and even more awkward hugs. The kind of hugs that include small, gentle patting motions. Then, if you’re lucky, the dreaded “we should really get together and catch up, maybe have lunch.”

What can be seen as small and seemingly meaningless encounters are often just the opposite. When running into an ex, emotions surface from a place where memories are held tight. Maybe it was a first love or an abusive relationship that you fought hard to get away from. These encounters are crucial for the former couple to be able to move on and to get past their relationship.

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Have you ever wanted to tell your ex that you’re not really crazy? Or that you didn’t really mean what you said the last time you spoke? Did the breakup not go as planned? Maybe a remote was thrown or name-calling ensued. In the heat of moment, so much can go wrong. What you may really want to say comes out as a confused mess of tears, lies and frustration. When all is said and done, what matters? What was the relationship and what was learned from love?

I have always viewed casual dating as frivolous and unmeaningful. Why spend four or five months of your lives casually seeing a person that you have no intention of bringing to your parents’ or possibly marrying? Just hooking up is so much less messy and involved. In hindsight, I know that’s why I went 20 years without being in a relationship myself. What could possibly be good about dating when you only walk away with a broken heart?

I was both cynical and wrong. No person can ever just begin a serious relationship and understand how it works without figuring it out before hand. Far after the emotional scars have healed what remains are the gifts that only former relationships can bestow. These gifts are not of material value but of character and maturity, coming from the growth that happens when two people share their lives with one another. Cuddling and fighting will mold you into the person that you will one day become. These gifts are so often overlooked as anger and hurt blinds us.

It’s time to open our eyes again. Seeing a relationship for how it really was takes months and sometimes years. “Time heals all wounds” is mostly true. It may be more accurate to say, “With time, sense can be made from all wounds.” You must allow time for yourself to grow away from the person you were in that relationship. We are ever changing and hopefully, ever learning.

Being in a relationship is like holding a mirror up to yourself and having to confront your demons on a daily basis. When a seemingly good relationship sours, so often it is because of personal demons that take control. It is important when looking back on a former flame to keep those personal battles in check. We all carry baggage around. As much as it is hard to accept, she wasn’t as needy as you thought, he listened to you more than you gave him credit for.

It’s easy to brush off former relationships saying that they just didn’t work out. That is until you are confronted with it waving at you on Bascom. So next time you are caught in one of those uncomfortable and strange situations standing on the street in front of the ex, remember the gifts that you received. You may not see it now, but you are a better person for having had that person in your life.

Lindsey is junior studying graphic design. She is hoping that if it’s true “time heals all wounds” that time decides to speed up. Lindsey can be reached at [email protected].

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