Coming up with different ways to refer to sex without using the f-word can be a little difficult. Sometimes that really is the best way to describe it. Throughout the semester, I have had to come up with all kinds of new and interesting ways to refer to sex, oftentimes reverting back to my old staples of getting down, doing it and getting it on. This isn’t the only trouble with words I have had. Almost everyone has a few sexual words that just kind of make him or her cringe. In fact, some people are so ardent in their hatred for certain words that they find them absolutely disgusting and vulgar. For today, the discussion will be about words. Admittedly, this is a stupid idea, but here goes nothing.
Words that people hate could range from titties and boinking to vagina and the phrase “make love.” Interestingly, the feminist movement is trying to regain the c-word as a word of empowerment and turn the tables on those who use it to oppress women. Boinking is terrible and should not be used unless you’re referring to sex between clowns. Concerning “make love,” it seems there are three kinds of people in this world: those who hate it and say things like the f-word; those who love it and hate the f-word, citing it takes away from sex and makes it sound vulgar; and those who don’t really give a crap.
In any case, I was asking around, as I often do for these articles, and one of my friends told me that she likes all sexual words because they all have their place. Additionally, her favorite is the word “horny” because it has no true synonyms. She is right, although turned-on is kind of close, and so is randy. Anyway, it reminded me of how I came to know the etymology of “horny” in my LGBT studies class earlier this semester. I can’t seem to find the specifics in my notes, but it goes something like this: some god, possibly Egyptian, of sexual desire or lust had really big horns, hence “horny.”
Like my friend, most sexual words really don’t bother me either. However, one word that does make me cringe was brought to my attention last year: moist. Just repeat it in your head a couple times. Even when moist should mean a good thing, as with cake and muffins, I am a little grossed out. Lots of people seem to share this sentiment.
Sometimes aversion to sexual terminology such as this can be really humorous. One of my friend’s mothers used to refer to the family dog’s boner as “lipstick.” If you’ve ever seen a dog in such an excited state, you should understand why. The kids obviously knew what a boner was, so trying to sugarcoat it just made the situation into one big joke.
Aside from lipstick, some words and phrases that people enjoy are cunnilingus, coitus interruptus, pee-pee, the f-word and “the sex.” People have told me they think cunnilingus (not to be confused with the hip-hop group Cunning Linguists) is fun. I mean, of course girls think cunnilingus is fun, but both guys and girls have told me that to them, the word is fun. Weird words derived from Latin that sound really medical are often the best.
On a side note, here’s something I just found out: Microsoft Word recognizes cunnilingus as being spelled wrong when you put too many n’s, but it doesn’t list the proper spelling as a possible correction. Maybe this is to prevent 12-year-olds doing book reports from accidentally using cunnilingus far out of context.
Another scientific-sounding reference that people seem to like is coitus interruptus, a.k.a. the pulling-out method of birth control. People who employ this method of birth control have a special word to describe themselves: parents. This is really the most misleading and terrible idea of birth control ever. Even if you successfully pull out, the girl can still be impregnated. Male pre-ejaculate is pretty much in constant flow during sex, and it contains semen. Notice how I use the word ejaculate, as I’m pretty sure the FCC has something against the other c-word. I heard it bleeped on a talk show just yesterday. Also, the editors here at the Herald changed my reference to a “c-rag” during the masturbation article to simply “rag.”
It would be impossible to completely cover a subject as broad as this, but hopefully this stimulates some discussion. Everyone has his or her own little words and phrases, and it is interesting to find out what they are. Also, this is the last time you’ll read Nothing Buttsex this year. I know you’re all going to miss my random, go-off-on-a-tangent-mid-sentence style for a summer, but keep an eye out for next semester’s column.
