I may not be a famous R&B singer, but I am fairly sure that if I were Eric Benet I would have no desire in any part of my body to be unfaithful to Halle Berry. If you have seen the movie “Swordfish,” you know what I am talking about — she’s perfect. Just the same, Halle Berry and her husband Eric Benet recently separated from their marriage.
Judging from rumors that started as early as when the couple exchanged wedding vows and from Benet’s reported visit to an Arizona treatment center, the R&B star wasn’t feeding his sexual appetite with a diet of only Halle Berrys. What would drive any man to cheat on someone as gorgeous as the now-single Ms. Berry?
According to most news sources, Benet’s trip to Arizona was for the treatment of an addictive sexual disorder. Though sexual addiction is not clinically defined to be a disorder accepted by the American Society of Addiction Medicine, addiction is addiction. Similar to alcohol and other drug addictions, the act of sex itself is not where the addict gets their rocks off. Rather, the act of sex is the vehicle in which he or she attains sexual release. An addict seeks the end result rather than the process of getting to that result. The end result may also vary. For example, Eric Benet may be addicted to straight sex; however, addictions to pornography, masturbation, exhibitionism, and other sexual acts can also fall into the category of sexual addiction.
A sexual addict usually experiences shame and guilt immediately following the acquisition of their sexual “fix.” This leads to the pursuit of more “fixes” because most sex addicts rely on their preferred sexual act as a way to feel better emotionally. The cycle is similar to a drug addiction — a heroin addict might immediately seek out another hit of smack when coming down from the last high.
I was surprised while researching sexual addiction to find that many of the signs of this disorder could apply to many of the people that I know — including myself. However, wanting lots of sex for the sake of sex differs from sexual addiction in that the addiction relies on a feeling of powerlessness. An addict does not have sex solely for pleasure, but rather to feed his need for release. Someone who has a sexual addiction may have tried to discontinue the pursuit of their “fix” and found it impossible to do so without professional help.
Whether or not sexual addiction is an officially recognized disorder, there are still possible dangers to being a sex-head. The addict often views sexual partners as objects, and sexual encounters could include sex without consent, otherwise known as rape. Some addicts crave violence as part of the sex act they intend to satisfy, which makes a sex addict potentially dangerous.
There are also dangers to relationships that a sex addict is involved in — as in the case of Halle Berry and Eric Benet. The addict may feel that he or she can never be satisfied and will be unfaithful as a result. This is not only a source of shame for the addict but is also emotionally traumatic for the spouse or significant other. Because of these dangers, if you know anyone who may be addicted to sex, it may be wise to either seek help or do some further research.
Assessing whether or not you or someone you know is addicted to sex is similar to an alcohol or drug addiction assessment. Here are some example questions found on the Sex Addicts Anonymous website:
-Do you keep secrets about sexual or romantic activities from those important to you?
-Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?
-Have you ever been arrested on account of a sex act?
-Do your sexual activities include risk factors such as violence, coercion or disease?
If you answered yes to any of these questions or to any others found at http://www.sexaa.org/addict.htm, Sex Addicts Anonymous recommends you “seek out additional literature as a resource or attend a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting to further assess your needs.”
The website claims that the progression leading up to dangerous sexual addiction begins with an addiction to masturbation. Don’t worry guys, masturbation is healthy, and most sex experts would agree that self-love is a positive thing, as long as you have control of it. Think moderation, not obsession.
If you need something to obsess over, become addicted to using condoms. That addiction may save your life!
Survey of the Week! How often do you want sex? How often do you get sex? Or, do you practice abstinence? E-mail your response to: [email protected]. Remember, the more e-mail I receive, the more accurate the survey results will be.
