Okay, I’m no psychic, but tell me if this sounds familiar … first you and your date go to the bedroom, turn out the lights, and start kissing. Next, your lips untangle and wander toward each other’s necks (possibly farther south), hands start to wander and clothes come off.
Finally, after cycling through a pre-set order of positions, you both cuddle up and either talk or go to sleep — wash, rinse, repeat. Why does sex sometimes seem like the directions on the back of a shampoo bottle? We live our lives in routines whether we like it or not, but is this the right way to approach sex? I think not.
Efficiency, time management and routine may be effective tools for getting things done at school or work, but I prefer passion, variety and surprise when it is time to dance the horizontal boogie, because sex should not be merely a “routine.”
After spending enough time with someone in the sack, you learn what works and doesn’t work for them, and how to bring both you and your partner to orgasm with the least amount of time and effort (which takes the fun out of getting funky). This time-old stand-by comes in handy when one or both of you are tired, but if you don’t change it up every once in a while, sex will become unbearably boring.
I mean, imagine if you ate the same dish for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day. Some people claim that couples stop having sex like rabbits because they get married, but I argue that this decrease of allotted “naked time” is caused by boredom — a result of sticking with the same routine night-in, night-out.
As your friendly sex-columnist and fellow connoisseur of the erotic art of lovemaking, I would like to offer some suggestions for bringing your partner to screaming ecstasy with surprise seduction and pleasure tactics.
Seduction as a strategy to get things revved up is not employed often enough, especially in long-standing relationships. Both lovers automatically assume that there will be some fooling around when they head to bed for the night. Rather than wait for this inevitable outcome, launch a pre-emptive strike like good ol’ “W,” and tell your partner that you are going to the bathroom.
Instead of actually going to the bathroom, return to the living room/kitchen/porch in nothing but your birthday suit — or if that isn’t sexy enough, some enticing underwear followed by a strip tease ought to do the trick.
Some other game plans for seducing your partner into bed before your “normal” sex time might include coming on to him or her with double-entendres such as “that peach looks so tasty,” or “I want to go downtown, will you come?”
Or simply be more explicit and whisper dirty things in your partner’s ear while out on a date. You might end up skipping that dinner and movie and skipping straight to the mattress rodeo waiting at home. These are just a few ideas that will hopefully inspire you for when you next spend time with your gal or beau, but the possibilities are endless.
So once you are in bed with your partner, try something different with the environment. If you usually turn the lights out, leave them on or burn candles. Adversely, if you are a “lights on” kind of person, try it in total darkness.
Another easy variation is tempo; speed up, slow down, or linger a while to be a little bit less predictable. Your partner will usually squirm in delight if you do something unexpected. Changing the pace of sexual progression is also a sexy twist. For example, focus more attention and time on the erogenous zones that you usually skip, i.e. toes or the back of the neck. More foreplay equals more lubrication, which means more fun all around.
For something different and spontaneous, bust out the KY and go straight for it — sans foreplay. The “quickie” can be amazing, but it is not always satisfying for both parties. Use common sense here — if your partner does something giving which solely satisfies your needs, it is only fair to return the favor sometime.
Varying timing, environment, speed and pace are great ways to spice up any sexual relationship, but if you are looking for something a little more creative, try to design a sexual position that you have never seen, done or heard of before. Though chances are high that every conceivable position has been attempted at one point in time, you might find something new to both you and your partner that really sets off the fireworks.
Again, there are many ways to add variety to your sex life, and because I would not have nearly enough room to list them all, I hope the few that I have provided inspire some of you to try something different for the benefit of both you and your partner. Passion, experimentation, variety and spontaneity are some of the many key ingredients to a healthy, interesting sex life. So don’t give yourself a chance to get bored with sex; order it up with a twist.
The only part of sex that should be consistently routine is safety, so wear a condom — but make it ribbed, flavored, or colored for a little much-appreciated variety.
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