Few would debate the fact that 9/11 changed the way we perceive and the way we will handle foreign relations, domestic defense and American culture’s reflection in the mirror, but nobody was really able to predict if these changes would have any permanence. Especially when dealing with the inherently fickle nature of the American entertainment world and popular culture, the effects of 9/11 aren’t too easily identifiable.
After the attacks, our leaders wisely urged us to return to life as usual, stick to everyday routines and not dwell on the tragedy. But with all due respect, it’s kind of hard to imagine the country that gave birth to rock ‘n’ roll, baseball and Eminem doing anything to the contrary.
9/11 will never be erased from our collective consciousness, but according to the American pop-cultural pulse in the year since the attacks, we’ve moved on. Here are 11 reasons to prove it:
Stars in and out of love
Ah, there’s nothing to divert the American public’s attention like good old-fashioned relationship gossip. When Britney Spears released what was undoubtedly the year’s most provocative music video (“I’m a Slave 4 U”) and still insisted she was a virgin, questions swirled about the nature of her involvement with Justin Timberlake — and we hung on their every word.
Rumors of blood-drinking and sex in unusual places led to the break-up of Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton, and J. Lo said adieu to Joey Joe Joe back-up dancer after what seemed like a weekend’s worth of matrimony.
Comforting to know celebs shared our pain, isn’t it?
Lance Bass’ space voyage
Didn’t the Russians see the Chili’s commercial when Joey Fatone was nearly crushed to death by a falling crate of ribs? Sending Lance Bass into space would likely be just as disastrous. While Fatone survived to give one last ode to the slow simmered pork he loves so dearly, Bass would likely end up falling through the atmosphere to crash in a dried up swimming pool. There’s not enough Stolichnaya in the world to take away that kind of pain. It says a lot about the post-9/11 world when we care if a guy who wears glitter goes into space.
Let’s play celebrity feud
Speaking of unhappiness in the land of the stars, the music world couldn’t get enough of the row between Eminem and Moby, even after the 36-year-old, bald-headed blankety-blank appeared on the season finale of “Saturday Night Live” sporting a shirt that read “I Heart Eminem.”
Meanwhile in Hollywood, New Yorkers were supposed to get a boost of self-esteem from Martin Scorsese’s “Gangs of New York,” but the infamous control-freaks and Miramax executives Bob and Harvey Weinstein had so many squabbles the film has been pushed back to Christmas.
Great timing, guys.
Snoop gives up marijuana and alcohol
9/11 means about as much to Snoop as the controversial Public Enemy track. His recent decision to forgo fermentation’s bastard brother and Travis’ friend Cannabis has left the music world perplexed. Here’s a guy who made his entire fortune while intoxicated, and now he’s going to be the all-American family man? Don “Magic” Juan, pimp extraordinaire, would not approve. I’m gonna break it down like this y’all. Without the e to the izzo, n to the Nintendo, d to the doggo, o to the ola, Snoop is going to be about as dull as Memorial Library on a Friday night.
Media blitz, baby
Who had time to reflect on 9/11 when every post-Memorial Day newscast was sponsored by “Austin Powers in Goldmember?” The cross-marketing for “The Spy Who Shagged Me” was bad enough, but you couldn’t walk down the street this spring without being tripped-up by a “Goldmember” ad.
Not that the strategy wasn’t savvy, as the advertisement-wrapped-in-a-commercial-masquerading-as-a-movie had the biggest opening weekend ever for a comedy, but the blatant (Drink Pepsi!) product (Eat Taco Bell!) placement (Oh, and by the way, you’re not cool unless you have a Motorola!) was just tiresome.
Freezing Ted Williams and baseball
Today marks a day when we remember brave people who had their lives cut short in their prime. Ted Williams lived a long, remarkable life. The great slugger was 83 years old when he passed away, but the nation’s eyes and ears were temporarily consumed with whether or not he would be frozen. Frozen for what? Is the news so slow that this is all we’ve got? And then there’s baseball. Like I’m going to sit up at night and wonder about guys who make six million bucks a year to hit .180 and the folks at Yankee stadium that sell a hot dog and beer for the price of a used Nova.
Summer blockbusters
Summer 2002 saw another record-breaking season at the box-office, as audiences dumped a jaw-dropping $3.14 billion dollars into American theatres. Thanks to money-making machines like “Spider-Man,” “Attack of the Clones” and “Signs,” Americans had good enough reason not to sit in a depressed funk on the couch.
Ashleigh Banfield colors her hair
After 9/11, the country was in the midst of a crisis unlike ever before. Unfortunately, the news periodically shifted to Ashleigh Banfield dying her hair brown for a trip to Afghanistan. These people attack us on our own soil, and they’re going to spare her because she bought a bottle of Garnier Nutrisse? There were soldiers risking their life in Afghanistan, innocent people being killed here and abroad, and we were concerned with the color of her freakin’ hair. Someone, help me out with this one.
Brawny box-office flops
But wasn’t the post-9/11 movie climate supposed to be about waving the flag? Apparently not. Pundits were quick to predict that Americans desperate for patriotic entertainment would eat up flicks like “Collateral Damage,” “Hart’s War” and “Behind Enemy Lines,” but those films’ absurdly jingoist streaks inspired more people to head for the exits than stand and salute.
Example: In a scene from the tortuous “Collateral Damage,” Ah-nuld finds himself cornered by a Columbian terrorist that asks him if there is any difference between himself and the muscle-bound Austrian. Arnold replies with a straight face, “The only difference is, I’m just going to kill you.”
Fox’s “Celebrity Boxing”
And I thought Deke on “Saved By The Bell” was terrifying. Fox’s “Celebrity Boxing” is one of the guiltiest pleasures on network television, but it’s exactly the kind of entertainment we all swore we’d never watch again after 9/11. We were supposed to become more compassionate, not cheer on Joey Buttafuoco to beat a woman’s face in. Didn’t he do enough already?
“American Idol”
As the ultimate sign that 9/11 has been forgotten, “American Idol” became a massive hit. Some people feared Simon Cowell more than Osama Bin Laden, and that’s pretty sad. What were we supposed to fear, the sheer mass of his gut or his highly mediocre resume? Now the world holds their breath as we wait to see how Kelly’s career will develop. Here’s a look in the crystal ball — Nickelodeon concert, disappointing debut and then straight to the bargain bin.