Well, this one’s in the books. After an 86-year drought … curse … whatever, the Boston Red Sox have surged back from a 3-0 deficit in the ALCS to win eight straight and capture a World Series title from the hapless St. Louis Cardinals. For the first time since that fateful day Sept. 11, 1918, when the Sox toppled the Chicago Cubs in game six of that year’s Fall Classic, the people of Boston have reason to live once again.
Magical, ain’t it?
You would think after 86 years of tragic failures, near misses and many a game night spent weeping in dreary Beantown taverns for the Red Sox faithful, the purpose of a post-series column such as this would be to applaud Sox fans now that their long-endured suffering has finally come to an end.
But in the words of Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen, “You thought wrong, dude.” Columnists around the nation will be filling today’s editions with praise of the BoSox, but we have a different perspective on this historic event.
Patrick: There’s a running joke among my roommates that I age backward, due primarily to my casual referencing of events in the distant past. There are times when I believe it myself, when I think about the Red Sox, for example.
For whatever reason, in my mind I see Boston not as it is now, but as it was before succumbing to the foolish notion of a curse. I see groups of melancholy Bostonians moping about the streets, stepping over local aldermen clad in red and inebriated beyond all visual signs of life, while piteous wails fill the night. Baahhston, why?
Well anyway, it feels like I’ve been waiting decades to say this — God knows why, perhaps I was a New York chimney sweep in a previous life — Boston fans, congratulations, now shut the hell up.
The only slaughter one can witness more merciless than a Bostonian taking on a vowel-laden sentence is what they have done to the notion of accountability. Whoever it was that decided to introduce metaphysical concepts to the baseball vernacular couldn’t have known what he was doing. If he had, the poor bloke would likely have spent his twilight years in a straight-jacket talking to a light-bulb filament.
There is no curse, just a few idiots who refuse to recognize the rather simple process of cause and effect. The Red Sox fail, fans become sad. Red Sox make fan sad? No, Red Sox make fan happy. Solution … Red Sox must be cursed.
Mike: So congratulations, BoSox fans, after years of hypocrisy you can finally say that for one brief moment your team can be called a success story. You can even tell yourselves that one miraculous run is more significant than eight decades of baseball history.
But one thing the Beantown faithful cannot claim is what it has argued for years: that the Sox are victims of the financial inequality that has allowed its rival, the “Evil Empire,” to buy championships as the Sox and the rest of the league just couldn’t compete.
In case the throngs of Red Sox fans that have begun to line the streets of Madison have not been following their beloved Sox for long enough to realize it, Boston has the second-highest payroll in baseball at $125,208,542.
In fact, as the Red Sox faithful have criticized the Yankees’ spending, the Sox have always followed close behind. Before you start crying “A-Rod,” remember who went after him first. Then consider which AL East power placed both of its biggest stars on the trading block in the hopes of making a pair of blockbuster deals that would have brought A-Rod and Magglio Ordonez to Boston.
Take a look at the names that brought this championship to Boston. Curt Schilling, who has become a Beantown legend after winning a pair of crucial starts while playing with a visibly bleeding ankle, is a mercenary hurler (and he didn’t come cheap). David Ortiz, the beloved Big Papi, played for the Twins just two seasons ago. Manny came over from the Indians, Cabrera joined the team just weeks before the playoffs when Theo Epstein in his infinite wisdom jettisoned the beloved Nomaaaahh, Keith Foulke was in Oakland last year … The list goes on and on.
Even Pedro, the great Red Sox ace who has perfected his head-hunting skills while collecting two Cy Young awards in a Boston uniform, played for both the Expos and the Dodgers before coming to Beantown as a free agent. If Boston fans are appalled by New York’s efficient stockpiling of talent, they should take another look at their own club. I sincerely hope that the end of the historic curse will also signal the end of Boston’s long history of hypocrisy.
Patrick: As if the flagrant ethical double standard between the Yanks and BoSox isn’t sickening enough, the fact that the Sox have managed to tiptoe the public opinion gamut from baseball’s blue-blood club in to the dens of the downtrodden is astonishing. Almost like capri pants, Members’ Only jackets or Starter athletic apparel, the BoSox have become an imported Midwestern trend.
Well, I hate to break it to the Madison BoSox faithful, but this David isn’t exactly life-sized. It’s quite a compelling story actually: A team, once the most successful franchise in the history of baseball, collapses into a recession stretching over three quarters of a century — cue the violins, this could almost pass for a Sophoclean tragedy.
However, history tells of a less somber tale. Over the history of the franchise, Red Sox fans cheered on some of the most exciting and memorable players in the history of the game. Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, Carlton Fisk, Cy Young, Carl Yastrzemski, Harry Hooper, Jimmie Foxx and Bobby Doerr all played a significant portion of their careers in Beantown. Additionally, 18 ERA champions, 25 batting champions, 18 home-run champions and 11 pennant-winning teams made their homes by the harbor.
How people from the ‘Scon managed to get duped into feeling pity for these East Coast fatcats remains completely beyond me. To me, there’s nothing more fashionable than a glove and ball and that glorious backdrop of blue. Nothing pains me more than stepping out on to State Street to see so many locals donning their novelty Sox gear. They may seem like sweet salvation, but honestly, it’s the same crap with a different logo. Prepare to rue this day, most new regimes march in to a warm welcome.
