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Cheat sheet for watching draft

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Also by Mike Ackerstein:

Don't let spring football game get your hopes up (April 16, 2008)
Masters needs attitude check (April 10, 2008)
Anderson selected 23rd in draft (April 10, 2008)
IU's hire trouble for UW (April 3, 2008)
Wildcats keep Badgers off their game (March 31, 2008)

by Mike Ackerstein

Thursday, April 24, 2008

For the NFL’s 32 franchises, making selections in the draft is, at best, a crapshoot. Attempting to watch all 20 or so televised hours of it at home isn’t much easier.

But, like a fourth-round pick that turns into a Pro Bowler, there are plenty of rewards to be had for those who are fully prepared to watch all two days of televised coverage this weekend.

And, just as it’s preparation that makes winners and losers on draft weekend for the franchises handing out multi-million dollar contracts, it is having a plan that separates a wasted spring weekend from a glorious one for fans.

Consider the following information a scouting report on how to succeed come Saturday.

It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

As if the 10 (mercifully down from 15) minutes allotted for picks in the first round wasn’t enough of an indicator, the draft goes at an incredibly slow pace. If you get too excited, or gorge too much during the first round, you’re never going to make it through the end of the first day, let alone the seventh round.

Pacing yourself helps, and it’s a lot easier if you have ways of entertaining yourself during the slow parts of the draft. Try guessing the number of products Drew Rosenhaus puts in his hair or spotting the one fan in the pro-Jets crowd gutsy enough to wear a Wes Welker jersey. It’s these little time-killers that will get you through the four-and-a-half minutes Pittsburgh takes to make its fifth-round selection.

Keep your excitement in check. You will never hear from half of these players again.

This certainly is more relevant to anything that happens on the second day, but really applies to all the selections made during the draft. There are more than 250 players who will have their name called this weekend and the vast majority of them won’t be a factor on the field for a few years, if ever.

So, while you might find yourself gushing over the receiver with the 4.3 speed but suspect hands taken midway through the sixth round, it’s important to understand that the next time you hear from him might be when he’s running routes in the AFL. Or taking your order at McDonalds.

No matter what you may think, Mel Kiper Jr. knows more than you do.

It is Kiper’s job to know things like the number of lefty punters from the Big 12 available in the draft, and he spends an inordinate amount of time preparing for it. While you watch Scrubs nine times a day, he’s watching tape, tape and more tape.

As such, don’t even pretend to know as much as he does. Sure, he makes mistakes every now and then, but it’s never because of a lack of preparation.

If you were planning to spend your weekend making outlandish predictions to your friends (Felix Jones is the best back in the draft!) and disagreeing with the actual experts (not the guys on whatever fly-by-night blog you read), it is only going to make you look like an ass. Just sit back and accept Kiper’s analysis as more accurate than yours.

Keep your cell phone handy.

NFL teams spend half of their drafts working the phones. Calling other teams with trade offers, calling in their picks, calling the players they drafted… the telephone is what makes the draft run.

You too should be ready to make phone calls at a moment’s notice. Minnesota doesn’t get their pick off in time? Text your friend in St. Paul. Chicago doesn’t draft a quarterback? Give a ring to your friend that thinks Rex Grossman is the devil. Communication during the draft is key. Plus, you never know when someone in your favorite team’s war room is going to want your input, or to let you know you’ve been drafted.

Find one player to love unabashedly for the rest of his career.

It’s always nice to follow someone’s career from start to finish, and this weekend will be the start of many new careers. You can’t pick a winner every year (where did you go, P.K. Sam?), but every once in a while a late pick that you made “your guy” comes through for you, and it’s a pretty rewarding experience. Just avoid picking someone who’s more likely to have his name pop up in a police report than a highlight reel.

Remote controls exist for a reason. Use them.

Even the most diehard fan will struggle to make it through the entire draft, especially because it means seeing the same three or four Under Armour commercials several dozen times. In order to stay fresh, it is important to take quick breaks, and not just to go to the bathroom or the fridge.

I’d suggest flipping over to the NBA Playoffs during commercials. Nobody’s going to judge you for not watching commercials. Just don’t let yourself get distracted for too long.

Take notes, but only in your head.

If you’re going to forget everything you hear and learn during the draft, you might as well not watch it. By retaining the information presented this weekend, though, you can have a leg up on the competition in your fantasy draft or in spontaneous sports trivia battles. That doesn’t mean you should write everything down, however.

Watching the draft is supposed to be enjoyable; it’s not homework. Put the pens and paper away and give your memory some exercise.

Lastly, remember the NFL Draft comes just once a year.

You might be pressured to go outside or turn off the television. Some people may tell you that watching the whole draft isn’t healthy, or normal. And, while they may be right, this isn’t something you do every weekend, so go all out.

Ignore the naysayers. Use the above cheat sheet. Soak in Chris Berman’s excitement and get yourself psyched up for the 2008 season.

There will be plenty of sunny weekends to spend outdoors, so go ahead and devote this one to the football.

Like the draft teaches us every year, the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward.

Mike is a sophomore majoring in political science. If you’d like to know his 40-yard dash time he can be reached at mackerstein@badgerherald.com

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