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Point-counterpoint: Best way to replace axe

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Also by Kevin Hagstrom and Ben Voelkel:

PCP: Most ridiculous bowl sponsor (December 5, 2007)
Point-counterpoint: New Olympic sport (November 28, 2007)
Point-counterpoint: Best way to replace axe (November 14, 2007)
Point-counterpoint: Winless or Undefeated (November 7, 2007)
Point-counterpoint: Spookiest sports costume (October 31, 2007)

by Kevin Hagstrom and Ben Voelkel

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Hagstrom

This weekend Wisconsin heads to Minnesota for the 117th "Battle of the Axe." The all-time series has been close, with Minnesota coming out ahead with 59 wins to Wisconsin's 49 (there have also been eight ties).

These days, however, it's more like Paul Bunyan versus a group of trees; the mighty Badgers have sawed down the Gophers 10 of the past 12 times, including a 48-12 decimation at Camp Randall last season.

As Bunyan would bellow to his fellow loggers when they tried to beat the man at his trade, it won't be fair; the game shouldn't even be a contest. That's of course assuming Tyler Donovan is what he said he was following last Saturday's win over Michigan: healthy enough to "go another four quarters."

Minnesota (1-10, 0-7 Big Ten) is despicably bad. They haven't won, it seems, since there was a land before "The Land Before Time." Two of its losses came against lowly North Dakota State and Florida Atlantic.

As for the Gophers' defense? Where? I don't see a defense. It can't stop a tortoise from tearing up — or down — the field, let alone a Badger, ranking dead last in the NCAA among major schools.

In sum, I have a proposition to make: Let's change the trophy to "Who's the better school? Well, I've got this to prove it."

Not only would this prize give the timbered (fallen) Gophers an opportunity to humiliate the Badgers if they managed to win, but also it would give meaning to the heated border battle once more.

With the new trophy slogan, the rivalry is clear. And the opportunities to brazenly denounce your opponent for an entire year are endless.

Ax the trophies' meaningless name and put substance back into this rivalry.

Point: "Who's the better school? Well, I've got this to prove it."

Voelkel

Rivalry is one of the greatest things about college sports. When two schools with similar demographics square off against each other on the football field, the result is usually a heated battle for bragging rights.

The Wisconsin-Minnesota border rivalry is no different. Whether it is "safety school" chants or creative T-shirts featuring Wisconsin’s Bucky and Minnesota’s Goldy, the pride students find in the superiority felt from a victory in the longest-running college football rivalry is unmatched.

The Badgers and Gophers have played 116 times to date, but with the way each team is playing this year, the Badgers have as good an opportunity as ever to accomplish the football equivalent of shooting your age in golf: scoring the same number of points as the rivalry is old.

While the Paul Bunyan Axe has gone to the victor for the last 60 years, the series has become so lopsided that a change might be in order.

Not to spit in the face of history or pick a fight with someone bigger than me — which Bunyan and his ox Babe definitely are — but the rivalry needs some new spice. I mean, they put A/C in the White House, non-natural grass on Lambeau Field and Barry Bonds’ name on top of Hammerin’ Hank’s, why not give the Badgers and Gophers something new to play for?

That’s why I propose, when the two teams take the field Saturday in "The Dome," they play for the new trophy: the Tuition Bill.

Don’t you think fans would be guaranteed a great game every year if reciprocity were on the table? Reggie Bush’s alleged six figure bribe would be small potatoes compared to some of the shady backroom recruiting that would go on.

Even with his sense of history, there’s no way Bret Bielema would be opposed to it. For once, it would really give his team a shot at going 1-0 in the rivalry game.

In the words of scholar and former Minnesota resident Randy Moss: Straight cash. Homie.

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Anonymous (November 14, 2007 @ 3:29pm):

WTF? These PCP's have been terrible since the beginning of the semester. Bring back McGrath and Poppy!

Anonymous (November 15, 2007 @ 12:09am):

i agree. this sucked massively. also, even the topic was bad, why debate the axe which arguably is the best rivalry trophy there is?

As for the fact the badgers have been winning a lot lately, we are still behind overall, we are just catching up!

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