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SPORTS

Mocking NFL’s mock drafts

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Also by Kevin Hagstrom:

• Family comes 1st for ex-Badger WR (December 11, 2007)
• Nothing special about UW power play (December 10, 2007)
• Confident UW squad faces off against Minnesota State (December 7, 2007)
• Sophomores to play for U.S.A. (December 6, 2007)
• Hill of a pickle for UW tailback (December 5, 2007)

Related Stories:

• Wisconsin holds annual pro day (March 8, 2007)
• Seniors bid farewell to Camp Randall (November 17, 2006)
• UW seeks net returns (April 26, 2007)
• Six-pack of seniors leave memories in Camp Randall finale (November 20, 2006)
• Defense outshines offense again in Saturday scrimmage (April 10, 2006)

by Kevin Hagstrom

Monday, April 23, 2007

And with the No. 1 pick, the Oakland Raiders select…

The excitement; the anticipation; the months of hype will reach a climax Saturday.

For Wisconsin fans, the allure will be to see how high former Badger standout Joe Thomas goes, and if any of the other seniors from last season — John Stocco, Roderick Rogers and Mark Zalewski — will go at all. For others, the draw will be to see if the Raiders select what Rivals.com calls the best talent in the draft, wideout Calvin Johnson, or the burly gunslinger and perhaps franchise-builder, quarterback JaMarcus Russell. The draft has many other debates to offer as well.

Since I don't claim to be an expert, and even the experts don't seem to have everything straightened away, I figured I'd try something different when predicting how this year's first round will play out.

Using ESPN's draft board of all the potential draftees, I will break down my first round as if I were like the girl who fills out her bracket based on mascots, colors and team names. We'll see how it turns out when I go by names — and their connections to the NFL teams that could draft them — alone.

1. Oakland — Yamon Figurs, WR, Kansas State — Yamon figures to be a key ingredient in the Raiders' quest to return to respectability.

2. Detroit — Amobi Okoye, DT, Louisville — There's nothing average about Okoye. He's a step ahead of everyone in age, talent and name (except Figurs).

3. Cleveland — Baraka Atkins, DL, Miami — In case the all-meat diet doesn't pan out, the first name Baraka certainly will in Cleveland.

4. Tampa Bay — Kyle Shotwell, LB, Cal Poly — Unlike any of the other athletes available in the draft, Kyle is the only one who uses a firearm with great accuracy. After all, he'll be playing for pirates.

5. Arizona — Iakaika Alama-Francis, DE, Hawaii — What more can you say? This Hawaiian is named Iakaika. I don't know what it means, but it's probably something close to awesome.

6. Washington — Travarous Bain, CB, Hampton — Travarous is likely to become the bane of the rest of the NFC East's existence.

7. Minnesota — Ben Grubbs, OG, Auburn — Been Grubbing, eh, Minnesota? For what? A decent top 10 pick? Well, here he is.

8. Atlanta — Darrelle Revis, CB, Pittsburgh — Revis has a smooth game and smooth name.

9. Miami — Sabby Piscitelli, S, Oregon State — This savvy Italian will fish the 'Fins out of another disappointing year.

10. Houston — Victor Abiamiri, DE, Notre Dame — The Texans haven't had a winning season ever. This defensive end will change all that. Abiamiri spells victory.

11. San Francisco — Dashon Goldson, S, Washington — Rushing for precious riches, Goldson will fit right into the 49ers' philosophy, which brought the team to the West Coast in the first place.

12. Buffalo — Tank Tyler, DT, NCSU — His name speaks volumes about his abilities; he should be a bulldozing force in the NFL.

13. St. Louis — Kevin Payne, SS, LA Monroe — Ramming the competition, Kevin will be the cause of many injuries.

14. Carolina — LaRon Landry, DB, LSU — He'll clean up the Panthers' secondary in style.

15. Pittsburgh — Kenny Irons, RB, Auburn — Irons certainly will flatten his jersey and the spotless Landry come fall. Sign me up.

16. Green Bay — Brandon Meriweather, CB, Miami — When winter strikes Lambeau, his unaccustomed teammates won't have to worry any longer. Brandon's game will bring blue skies and eternal sunshine to the Pack.

17. Jacksonville — Tony Ugoh, OT, Arkansas — You go, Tony, to the Jaguars at No. 17 overall.

18. Cincinnati — Tony Hunt, RB, Penn State — When pursuing a first down, Tony will, like a Bengal tiger, sniff it out.

19. Tennessee — Greg Olsen, TE, Miami — Hey, didn't Olsen just compete in the Final Four along with that Conley fellow? He must be really good if he can play multiple sports.

20. New York (Giants) — Alan Branch, DT, Michigan — At 6-foot-6, 330 pounds, Branch is more like a massive tree; a tree that will complement his team's name nicely.

21. Denver — Tim Crowder, DE, Texas — While I can't imagine him being compatible in a shopping mall setting, his ability to burst opponents' bubbles with his up-close and personal presence is a must in the Rockies.

1. Dallas — Levi Brown, OT, Penn State — With the shopping mall still open, Dallas should take advantage by going and buying Levi's size and potential.

2. Kansas City — Arron Sears, OG, Tennessee — We just need K-Mart to move from the NBA to the NFL and we'd be set.

3. New England — Quinn Pitcock, DT, Ohio State — Need I say more? His last name pits success, among other things.

4. New York (Jets) — Melvin Bullit, DB, Texas A&M — The former Aggie will surely put some rapid-fire quickness into the Jets' defensive backs' unit.

5. Philadelphia — Jeff Perrett, OT, Tulsa — Perrett's no Eagle, but he sure can fly. And he can talk, too.

6. New Orleans — R. McDonald, DT, Florida — Whoa! Ronald McDonald?! No way! Do you think this pick comes with a stack of double cheeseburgers?

7. New England — Manny Ramirez, OG, Texas Tech — Another one of these multi-sport athletes. He'll be happy to know Gillette Stadium isn't all that far from Fenway.

8. Baltimore — Justise Hairston, RB, Central Connecticut State — Hairston will rectify all that is wrong with the league.

9. San Diego — Prescott Burgess, LB, Michigan — Nothing fancy here, just a solid name and likely a solid game.

10. Chicago — Chinedum Ndukwe, S, Notre Dame — Ndukwe shined, um, a lot at Notre Dame. That is all.

11. Indianapolis — Joe Thomas, OT, Wisconsin/ Michael Johnson, S, Arizona/ Mike Jones, OG, Iowa — All of them win the "Simplest Name" award in this year's draft While their names may be average, I have a hunch their games aren't.

Kevin is a junior double majoring in journalism and economics. What are the odds of him getting any of these picks right? Let him know by contacting him at khagstrom@badgerherald.com.