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Point-Counter Point: worst sports job

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Also by Dave McGrath and Michael Poppy:

PCP: NBA Comeback POY (April 18, 2007)
PCP: Worst ballpark (April 11, 2007)
PCP: What's next for Amaker (March 21, 2007)
PCP: Favorite to win NIT (March 14, 2007)
Not the SATs: Spartans outwit, outscore Wildcats (March 9, 2007)

by Dave McGrath and Michael Poppy

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

McGrath

Everybody's had a bad job at some time in his or her life. Many went the McDonald's route and probably have a New Year's Day party's worth of goofy stories to show for it.

Others have had more unique employments like helping the lunch lady or working anywhere where cleaning restrooms is part of the job description.

But most view jobs in the sports world as ones that can't be topped, the ultimate work-as-you-play occupation.

However, there are some awful posts out there in the sporting world. For example, being the equipment manager for a sumo wrestling establishment wouldn't be very fun — handling sweaty, wedgied XXX. Having to go to work everyday as the fundamentals coach for the Harlem Globetrotters would probably be a grind, too.

But without question, the worst job in sports would have to be quarterback for the Oakland Raiders.

First, the quarterback position for the silver and black is really more of a tackling dummy position than it is anything else. The Raider offensive line is exactly that — offensive. An Oakland signal-caller would be better off having five Diet Pepsi vending machines blocking in front of him than his current band of blindingly incompetent linemen. It's so dangerous to be a Raider QB right now, insurance won't even cover them. Gummi Bears have longer life expectancies.

Secondly, Oakland only knows one way to play: go long. It seems that every pattern that the Raiders run is the same one you probably run in every pick-up football game — the deep route. So, remembering that the offensive line needs to block, it isn't really a good strategy.

Lastly, if you were ranking the last place you'd want to work, a black hole would probably be pretty high on that list. When your best supporters and groupies wear spikes and eye patches, it doesn't pay to have them. Personally, I don't prefer my lasses with cutlasses, but hey, that's just me.

Point: Raiders Quarterback.

Poppy

While the world of sports is often glorified, there are plenty of horrible occupations in athletics, such as being the Tampa Bay Devil Rays' mascot Raymond, Mike Tyson's sparring partner or one of the guys who frantically puts up the net before football teams kick a field goal.

However, the worst job in sports, by far, would have to be the position of an NBA head coach.

While I'm not defending Isiah Thomas by any names, just imagine stepping into his shoes for once.

First, there's practice. Imagine stepping into the Knicks' practice facility and trying to get Stephon Marbury, Steve Francis and Quentin Richardson to follow instructions. This might just be a harder task than being a pre-school teacher. And if you ever complain about it, your players will respond at a press conference by saying, "Practice? We're talking about practice?"

Then, there's game planning. In the NFL, this is one of the most tedious tasks of a coaching staff. In the NBA, you might as well just forget it. X's and O's mean only one thing for professional balers: X's are to cross out what teammates to pass it to and O's are where to shoot from.

As for the actual games themselves, an NBA head coach is useless. What player actually listens to the instructions a coach gives them? Basically, they simply have a courtside seat with a dress code. Hey, at least yelling at the referees is legal.

But worst of all, an NBA head coach somehow always gets the blame. How, in this league, excuses like, "the team isn't playing together," can get a coach fired is beyond me.

I suppose NBA head coaches get paid a hefty price for their troubles, but it's still the worst job in sports, ever.

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