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The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Five best sports flicks of all time

When flipping through the various movie channels Charter's premiere cable service offers, I came across a timeless classic. No, it wasn't "The Shawshank Redemption" or "The English Patient," it was "Little Big League." You know, the highly realistic, world-renowned film featuring 12-year-old Billy Haywood, who manages the Minnesota Twins after his grandfather passes away. The movie was certainly targeting the grade school demographic, but it is nonetheless entertaining to all baseball fans.

And that is exactly why sports comedies are great — they combine athletic competition and the ingrained humor that goes along with it, making it appealing to sports fans of all ages. So without further ado, I present the top five sports comedies of all time.

5. "The Mighty Ducks" — Even though the movie predicated on a ridiculous community service sentence, "The Mighty Ducks" provides laughs for sports fans of all ages. After being stopped for drunken driving, a big shot lawyer named Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) is forced to coach the worst team in the Minnesota pee-wee hockey league. The film is particularly character driven as the four-eyed Lester Averman, tough guy Fulton Reed and pudgy goaltender Greg Goldberg provide the biggest laughs. The writers really outdo themselves with a unique twist, when the Ducks learn that coach Bombay was once a star for the rival Hawks. You just never see it coming.

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Somehow the Hawks are still led by Jack Reilly (Lane Smith), the same coach Bombay played for some 20 years ago. You think he would have been in the NHL by then. Fittingly, the Ducks win the title game on a penalty shot by Bombay's favorite player, Charlie Conway (Joshua Jackson), who executed the triple-deke to perfection.

Best Line: Coach Bombay realized that one of the league's best players, Adam Banks, was illegally playing for the Hawks, when he should have been playing for the Ducks. After filing a grievance with the league, Coach Reilly had this to say:

"Why'd you turn against me, Gordon? For six years, I taughtcha how to skate, I taughtcha how to score, I taughtcha how to go for the 'W.' You could have been one of the greats! An' now look at yourself. You're not even a has-been. You're a never-was."

4. "White Men Can't Jump" — In this 1992 comedy, Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson make a living by hustling on the street-ball courts of Venice Beach, Calif. Billy Hoyle's (Harrelson) major source of income is preying on the American stereotype that white people can't jump, or play basketball for that matter. Anyway, the story line takes a back seat to the constant trash talk that defines this street ball saga. However, the best aspect of the movie is the wardrobe. Sidney Deane's (Snipes) bicycle cap with the flipped up rim is somehow outdone by Hoyle's tie-dyed cap that looks like it was made at a bar-mitzvah party.

Best Line: Rosie Perez, who co-stars as Harrelson's girlfriend, has this to say after she learns that Billy has been hustled:

"Sometimes when you win, you really lose; and sometimes when you lose, you really win; and sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie; and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs."

3. "Slap Shop" — This hilarious portrayal of Minor League Hockey features Paul Newman playing the role of Reggie Dunlop, the player-coach who is desperately trying to keep his team afloat. The Charleston Chiefs are in financial trouble after a mill closes in the town, and the team is due to fold at season's end. The movie is a little slow until the soda-drinking, racecar-playing Hanson Brothers make their initial appearance. The triplets are your prototype violent goons with the mental capacity of 5-year-olds. The team's new tough guy image is just what the Charleston faithful wanted, and the Chiefs do not disappoint.

Best Line: After his initial meeting with the Hanson Brothers, Dunlop had this to say to the Chiefs' owner.

"They're too dumb to play with themselves. Boy, every piece of garbage that comes into the league you gotta buy it."

2. "Major League" — Perhaps the movie's original tagline says it all. "When these oddballs try to play hardball, the result is totally screwball." Roger Dorn, Pedro Cerano, Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn, Willy "Mays" Hays and Jake Taylor provide viewers with the wacky lineup that all sport comedies must have. And don't forget about Eddie Harris, The Crisco-, Bardal- and Vagisil-using spit-baller who's always looking for an edge.

Bob Ueker as Harry Doyle is absolutely perfect as the whiskey-drinking announcer for the lowly Indians. This zero-to-hero cult classic never disappoints, and even after seeing it a hundred times, it just never gets old. Just make sure you don't watch it on cable TV, as well-timed profanity is instrumental in the movie's success.

Best Line: There are just so many to choose from here, but I have to go with a Ueker quote. During one of the games, Doyle tells fans about a special giveaway night coming up at the stadium.

"Just a reminder, fans, about 'Die Hard Night' coming up at the stadium: free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant."

1. "Caddyshack" — Undoubtedly the funniest sports movie of all time, as Chevy Chase, Bill Murray and Rodney Dangerfield are all in top form. Chase's Zen golfing style is hilarious and ridiculous, but still rings true for struggling golfers, even at the fanciest of country clubs. Bill Murray plays the wacky groundskeeper to a tee, as he spends most of the movie trying to kill a resourceful gopher. What sets this movie apart from the rest is its quotability. You can't walk onto a golf course in America without hearing some hacker talking about "being the ball" or coming out of nowhere for a "Cinderella story."

Best Line: When Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) is paid a visit by Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) in his shack, the groundskeeper tells him about a special strain of grass he invented.

"This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent and Northern California Sinsemilla. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff."

During the same sequence, Spackler talks about an amazing underdog story.

"What an incredible Cinderella story. This unknown comes outta nowhere to lead the pack, at Augusta. He's on his final hole, he's about 455 yards away — he's gonna hit about a two-iron I think. Oh he got all of that one! The crowd is standing on its feet here, the normally reserved Augusta crowd — going wild — for this young Cinderella … he's got about 195 yards left, he's got about a — it looks like he's got about an 8-iron. This crowd has gone deathly silent, the Cinderella story, outta nowhere, a former greenskeeper now — about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac — It's in the Hole!"

Andrew is a junior majoring in journalism. For information on "Rookie of the Year" and "The Sandlot" contact him at [email protected].

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