Sports

MLB’s Worst Batting Stance

Schmoldt says:

This one is like shooting fish in a barrel. Sure, you've got some goofy batting stances out there. Jeff Bagwell probably wins the award for the batting stance that most looks like a player is on the stool. Adam LaRoche gets the award for Laziest Stance — I mean, c'mon, it doesn't even look like he's in the batter's box. And you could give Julio Franco honorable mention with a side award for Oldest Stance.

But you would have to be kidding me to think that anyone has a worse batting stance than former Brewer Craig Counsell. He gets the award for Worst Stance, Most Uncomfortable Stance, Stance Most Likely to Freak a Pitcher into Walking You and Stance Most Likely to Force Your Teammates into a Hitting Slump.

I cringe every time I see him grab a bat, because I swear he automatically dislocates both of his shoulders by hoisting the entire bat like three feet above his head. He has a career .261 batting average, which I think is pretty remarkable considering that the physics should not allow his bat to reach the ball by the time it crosses the plate. I guarantee that if you had nine guys that all used the stance that Counsell uses, he would probably lead the team. Then again, you would have a team that would somehow be worse than the Rockies.

Sure, you might think that his obnoxious stance and his refusal to wear batting gloves makes him a badass. But you, my friend, are wrong. But in Arizona, the Diamondbacks will take just about anything right now.

Counsell's stance is the most ridiculous, the most hard to look at and makes the list of the most unsuccessful. No matter what pick Dave gives you — I'm guessing it will be the only baseball argument where he doesn't choose someone in the Marlins organization — Counsell's batting stance is the worst.

McGrath says:

Although there are many crazy stances in baseball, there are surprisingly very few photos of them. Want to show your girl what Tony Batista's barely-in-the-box stance looks like? Good luck.

Feel like laughing over the power-starved stroke of Chuck Knoblauch, where he held his bat in a semi-bunting position?

Sorry.

Want one more look at the Mo Vaughn, where he looked like he was looking at the pitcher the same way one might try to look at Medusa — barely peeking?

Tough.

Like Martians, or a single Jennifer Lopez, there just isn't much photographic evidence to qualify as proof. Thus, my argument then is shaped toward me choosing Jeff Bagwell as my goofiest batting stance out there.

Now, don't mistake my disappointment as a sign that Bagwell's stance isn't actually weird. It's pretty bonkers.

It combines some of the most important elements of the male mystique into one, home-run driven, upper-cutting stance.

First, you have to spread your legs as far apart as possible, to the point where you should have to get a new pair of pants after every at-bat.

Next, squat as low as you can, doing your best impression of sitting on the can.

Then, you have to wring your hands while wearing leather gloves, until the squeaking of cowhide to bat handle is audible to those in the nose-bleed seats.

Lastly, when swinging, go against all of baseball's teachings and step backwards.

There, now you are doing the Bagwell, which is sort of like doing the baseball version of the Robot, except just a little more clumsy and awkward.

Is there any stance more manly than the toilet-sitting, wide-legged, hand-wringing stance of Bagwell? Maybe, but I probably wouldn't be able to find a picture to show you.