Ay, ay, ay. So many idiot athletes to choose from in this category, where no matter which (non)musical athlete you argue for, you seemingly cannot lose. Nonetheless, despite the variety of stupid individuals like T.O. or Carl Lewis or Mike Ditka to choose from, you have to go with the triumvirate of teams in the 1980s who decided it would be a good idea to work together.
It doesn't get any worse than the 1985 Chicago Bears, the 1986 New York Mets and the 1989 Calgary Flames, and it is just too hard to pick one of them out.
It all started with the Bears in 1985, who put out the monumental music video, "The Super Bowl Shuffle." The "Shufflin' Crew" not only put together a lyrically-challenged song, but they decided to dance to it. I think it was safe to say that Willie Gault didn't really "practice all day and dance all night." Then again, I don't really want to mess in "Samurai" Mike Singletary's "hood."
After watching Joe Piscopo's sports show on Comcast this weekend in between hockey games, I couldn't leave out "Let's Go Mets," the New York team's version of the "Super Bowl Shuffle." If there was anything that we learned from the "Shuffle," it was that we didn't need the "Shuffle," and especially not another one. They may have had teamwork, but their "dream work" was miserable.
But if you haven't seen the Calgary Flames' "Red Hot" video, you are really missing out. Take the "Shuffle" and the Mets' song and add a brass instrument section, some electric guitars and some of the most awful facial hair you've ever seen. Sometimes, I just don't understand Canada. This is one of those times. If you haven't seen it, look it up. "You can't put the flame in Red Hots, but you can't put the fire out.”
Without a doubt the biggest name is sports star music is Shaquille O'Neal. At 7-foot-1 and a generous 325 pounds, Shaq probably outweighs half of the current Billboard Top 50 list and could look over the heads of all the members of N*Sync, even if they stood on each others shoulders.
Fortunately for the purposes of my argument, the Diesel is not only the biggest, but the baddest too. And by baddest, I mean the coolest … and the most bad.
Shaq doesn't talk much faster than he can run, and lets just say he doesn't leave trails of smoking earth behind him when he decides to turn on his jets. However, an unswift tongue hasn't stopped Shaq Daddy from releasing five albums already in his career. In fact, Shaq's slow tongue has equaled fast creativity, allowing him to once release two albums in only one week.
With rhymes like "pass me a Pepsi, forget that freakish Snapple/ MC talkin head then I will smash him with the alley apple," and "I run rhymes like drunk drivers on stop signs/ I change my name to Deon cause I'm mutha freaking prime time, " and who could forget "don't need the drink crooked I jucie to get loose/ my favorite cartoon is Bullwinkle the Moose."
They just don't spit lyrics like that any more. With rhymes like that, it isn't hard to believe that Superman once had the No. 3 Hot Rap Single on the Billboard charts with "(I know I got) Skillz."
Sure, the Big Aristotle has his detractors, but for every hater, there are 12 devout fans. On one CD review website, one adoring fan writes of Shaq Fu: Da Return, "Yo fa shizzle dis was da best. Dey only let me give 5 (stars) but I would give dis a zillion if I could."
I couldn't say it any more clearly or better than that.
CAN YOU DIG IT!?!?!