SPORTS
McGrath says: Skis plus weaponry? Talk about walking in winter wonderland
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by Dave McGrath
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
McGrath's take:
Since the days of ancient man, before such novelties as toilet paper and waffles were invented, we earthlings have had an obsession with weapons.
Whether we are talking about scrawlings of spears on cavemen's walls or including the right to bear arms in the constitution, one of the understood rules of the world is that everything is better with weapons. I'm not sure who first came up with the concept, though it was probably some genius like Aesop or Arnold Schwarzenegger, but the fact is that when firearms are thrown into the equation, more fun is bound to happen.
Upon the foundation of this premise, the biathlon is unquestionably the best Olympic sport.
In the biathlon, competitors ski through a cross-country course that is usually somewhere between 10 and 20 kilometers in distance. The track is broken up into two or four areas where racers must pull out their rifles and hit targets. Now, this is like putting the banana in front of a gorilla on a treadmill. I mean, who wouldn't mind taking a little ski through the countryside if you knew that just down the course you were going to get to blow away some cheaply-made targets? You can't top that for motivation.
The biathlon actually used to be called "military patrol," which would be awarded the title of coolest Olympic sport name, if it were still used today. Why did they change it? Probably to keep the lid on what is the best sport around. I mean, if everyone really knew about it, why would they flock to other sports like football and golf when they could play in the snow with rifles instead?
The worst thing about the biathlon is the name itself, especially since it sounds like a Summer Olympics game. Nothing is worse than the Summer Olympics … except, of course, Richard Simmons.
Anonymous (February 22, 2006 @ 8:18am):
Trudging in snow, firing a gun, continute trudging in snow.....sounds more like my commute in new york city than an olympic sport.
Anonymous (February 22, 2006 @ 11:25am):
Where's the vote?
Anonymous (February 22, 2006 @ 4:07pm):
Guns rock!
