SPORTS
Wannstedt: Team vs. Stache
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Also by Eric Schmoldt & Tom Ziemer:
- Better ex-Badger in Week 4? (September 28, 2005)
- Which NFC division is worst? (October 5, 2005)
- Best hair among Badgers? (October 12, 2005)
- Mascot fight: Ephs or Poets? (October 19, 2005)
- A duel of delicious names (October 26, 2005)
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by Eric Schmoldt & Tom Ziemer
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Tom:
True, Pittsburgh is badd. That's right, bad with two d's.
Starting out the year with a loss to Notre Dame looked kind of disappointing. After seeing the Irish since, that defeat doesn't look too pathetic even if it was by 21 points at home. But Ohio? Ohio? The Bobcats are about as bad as their NBA brethren. And trust me, when you have Brevin Knight and Jason Hart to choose from for a point guard, you are terrible. And then scoring six points in a loss at Nebraska? Yes, the Panthers are struggling, to say the least. But, hold on just one second. Their poor play cannot even compare to the mustache that sits less than an inch above the lips of their head coach. Dave Wannstedt has the worst mustache in college football.
Pittsburgh may be terrible, horrible, whatever negative adjective you may throw out there, but they are not the worst team in college football. Temple or Central Florida holds that dubious distinction. On the flip side, no mustache in the nation can touch Wannstedt's whiskers. Seriously, would it kill the man to shave evenly?
I wouldn't be surprised if staring at the uneven, half-bushy tuft of hair gracing the face of Wannstedt forced Dan Marino to retire while the former served as the Dolphins' defensive coordinator. Hell, if I was faced with looking at that dirty piece of facial hair or selling Isotoner gloves and hanging out with Jim Nantz in the immediate future, I'd take good old Jimmy-boy and the leather.
Who knows. That 'stache could have driven Ricky Williams back to pot.
Regardless of how harmless his Panthers may be, Wanny's facial hair always will take the cake.
Game, set, 'stache.
Eric:
In just three weeks, Dave Wannstedt has seen his Pitt team fall from No. 23 in the rankings, to ESPN's Bottom 10 list.
A 21-point loss in the season opener to Notre Dame didn't seem disastrous, especially after the Irish beat Michigan the next weekend.
A 16-10 loss to Ohio though? That raised some big eyebrows, thicker, in fact, than the coach's whiskers. Frank Solich is a decent coach, but this is Ohio University … not Ohio State, Bowling Green or even Cincinnati. Ohio.
That apparently wasn't bad enough. The Panthers went on and posted a meager six points against Solich's former team, Nebraska, last Saturday, losing 7-6.
I don't care if they had a chance to win with seven seconds left. They didn't do it. They've scored a combined 16 points in the last two weeks against teams with Bobcats and Cornhuskers as their mascots.
Wannstedt has a quarterback in Tyler Palko who threw for more than 3,000 yards and 24 touchdowns in his first year as a starter last year, but even he couldn't find a way to the end zone against the Huskers.
The team has three touchdowns in three games. I hate to tell you Pitt, but even the Temple Owls, who couldn't score against the Badgers' fourth-team defense, have more touchdowns.
The last time the Panthers started 0-3, I was in diapers and Wannstedt was at USC.
You've heard of fans making fire(insertnamehere).com websites when the coach has overstayed his welcome at a school. Well, there is a domain, but it is up for sale, and the seller realizes how great the demand will be. The domain name FireDaveWannstedt.com is for sale for a steep $500.
In fact, with D-II powerhouse Youngstown State on the docket this weekend, if Pitt doesn't prevail, the team will definitely end up being the worst of Wannstedt as he will have to shave the mustache off and join the witness-protection program.
