Waking up to see a foot-and-a-half of snow on the ground was like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy combining to form an oligarchy and overthrowing tyrannical parental rule in order to remove the burden of institutionalized learning. A suspension of classes is not a love that dies when one joins the collegiate ranks. Thus, it is with a heavy heart that I must declare the UW-Madison H1N1 contingency plan being developed is absurd.
The H1N1 plan, according to UHS Executive Director Sarah Van Orman, is not without some merit. The first phase of the contingency plan calls for the university to cancel large student gatherings. A very sensible action indeed, considering any observer of a public bathroom knows a sickeningly low percentage of people wash their hands. In the case of a wider, more intense outbreak, however, Van Orman suggested a month break in classes as well as professors resorting to more online teaching.
An increase in e-learning during a potential viral outbreak is brilliant and sensible. It is the monthlong break that seems irrational. H1N1 paranoia is everywhere, and it is this paranoia — not reasonable thought — that created the monthlong break plan.
Canceling lecture will merely result in students gathering in social settings as opposed to academic ones. Germs may easily be passed during lecture, as people are seated no more than a few inches apart. However, when students gather outside of school, they share food, whisper to each other and play beer pong. H1N1 probably views beer pong as viral Jesus, as it’s akin to a stranger dipping their hand in beer and you licking it off.
Young adults not known for their caution are not going to sit around in bubbles and bemoan the “epidemic.” Young people will show their resiliency and not let CNN and swine flu hysteria cramp our social lives. Van Orman is going to need to explain how this socializing frenzy would be any safer than 300 kids sitting in separate chairs at a lecture hall.
While developing contingency plans is prudent, it is shameful that the media overhyping a relatively non-lethal (especially in healthy young adults) virus has resulted in such absurdity. Van Orman should be beneath such hysteria. Overall, her track record at UW has been very impressive. She smoothly saw the transition of UHS from its old residence to its current location at University Square, has emphasized the importance of mental health and is very well-respected among her peers. But this does not excuse a H1N1 plan that would sooth fears, yet do little to curb the actual spread of the virus.
If students at this university do not want to get sick, they should purchase hand sanitizer, not share food and drink, and keep a safe distance from the swine flu-ridden until they recover. They should demand that UW-Madison and UHS allow them to live their lives and not be mothered by an institution that, among other things, is attempting to instill them with independence.
Supporters of the monthlong break plan may claim that while people will still contract swine flu during the monthlong break, the plan ensures no student is forced to encounter H1N1. This has about as much validity as chopping off your hands to ensure that no one will ever pass you the common cold in a handshake. Life comes with a certain amount of inherit risk, and if you want to hole up in a Cold War-era bomb shelter, eat vegan and filter all your air then you probably won’t ever get sick, that’s fine. But this, unfortunately, would come at the tragic cost of running into the warm embrace of defeatism.
Max Manasevit ([email protected]) is a sophomore majoring in philosophy.
