Nine out of 10 conservatives agree: I am bad for America. What is good for me is bad for America. I am to this country what too much candy is to a little boy. Place me on the anti-American list right between the terrorists themselves and the militiamen who camp outside this medium-size Montana town.

That’s right, Montana. It would not surprise me if Montana were made the exception to the two-thirds rule. And not only do I live in the state that hid the Unabomber from America, but (gasp!) I do not listen to Bruce Springsteen.

Nor do I appreciate John Mellencamp all that much. I cannot stand fast food, I have never shot off a firework on Independence Day and I have even tried, on occasion, to take up an Australian accent. I will probably never buy a red, white and blue cigarette lighter, and I have never even taken a sip of Budweiser.

But more importantly, I am against foreign intervention by U.S. troops, I do not support the drug war and I am in favor of welfare. In the oil v. environment match-up, I will put my money (mostly Canadian coins) on the environment any day.

I will admit that it is a hard day in which we anti-Americans live, what with U.S. conflicts all over the map. Just two days ago, a noted newspaper columnist bashed a prominent anti-war group for its massive D.C. protest. And only a few days before that, a noted newspaper editor childishly pulled the “You’re anti-American” weapon out on someone who very thoughtfully spoke out against drilling for oil in Alaska.

I will admit it confuses me. On one hand, I know my American history. I involved myself in the essential Americana: politics. I vote. I wake up each morning feeling nothing but love for my country. I loved it even more yesterday afternoon when I hiked into the woods that have overtaken Montana. As a journalist, I enjoy the freedoms of press and speech in an almost embarrassing way.

But it seems many conservatives have redefined what it means to be American. Capitalism is America, they say. Money is America. Luxury is America. Freedom is America.

Well, of course it is. But to me, America means first and foremost that hard work will pay off — that with the right attitude (and not the right amount of money) people can have things their way, right away. Democracy is a call to action, and the First Amendment makes action matte. Contrary to accusations of “America bashing” by some peers, I do not think loving your country necessarily means loving its government.

By pleading with our nation’s leaders to back out of Afghanistan, Iraq and especially Israel, I am not promoting terrorism. I am merely suggesting what is good for us is not necessarily good for the rest of the world. There are domestic problems we set aside when we make our greedy interests in cheap oil and religion the primary issues.

Whether it is Afghanistan, Vietnam or Latin America, this country needs to learn a serious lesson in keeping its nose out of other people’s business. All in all, interfering creates more problems than it solves, and nearly every single puppet government the United States has set up in foreign countries has led to corruption, dissent, revolution and a whole lot of pain for way too many people to comprehend.

But before that sentence was even completed, someone already muttered at me under their breath, “How can we justify letting bygones be bygones, especially when some the most recent bygone includes thousands of innocent New Yorkers?”

It is a tough question to answer. Call me Anti-American, but would bin Laden and his crew have bitten out so viciously if they had not been backed into a corner themselves? And, with the exception of the overall goal of rooting out terrorism, can President Bush and his entourage of hawks really do anything to prevent true anti-American sentiment from surfacing again and again and again?

As long as American troops fight battles that aren’t their own, there is nothing anyone can do but wait for the next attack.

The same goes for the environment. I love my country, and that is exactly why I support curbing spending habits and solving energy problems in more proactive ways rather than tearing up some of the country’s earth. If Alaska is ruined, which it will be if the Bush administration has its way, then what is next? Already the Rocky Mountains, the very mountains I took my hike in yesterday afternoon, are being cited as the next promising oil reserve.

In other words, I love my country in more ways than I can count. I will work hard not only to support myself and my family but to sustain the environment I live in and aid those who are less fortunate. I will protest a foul government and continue to vote for those who can give voice to my issues, as the American Constitution mandates I do.

But I will not pledge my allegiance to the flag until the flag begins being used not as an American symbol to support selfish corporations and oil tycoons but as it was truly designed to be used — as a promise of freedom for all.

N. Zeke Campfield ([email protected]) is currently on hiatus in Missoula, Mon., and will be serving his time as opinion editor of The Badger Herald next academic year.