October is one of the busiest months of the fall semester; students are swamped with midterms and other activities. Halloween and Madison’s infamous Freakfest on State Street also mark the hectic month, along with the remaining Badger football games. Oftentimes, the craziness of life prevents us from pausing for a moment and reflecting on things that are not happening in the immediacy of our life and busy schedules. October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Many people aren’t aware that one in four women will experience domestic violence during her time in college, and one in nine men will experience it as well.
Another statistic that resonates even more with college students is that 18-24-year-olds are disproportionately affected by domestic violence. They make up 11.7 percent of the general population but constitute 42 percent of the victims of violence by a boyfriend or girlfriend. The goal of this month is to bring attention to the reality of domestic violence, also known as dating violence, and clarify any misconceptions. Everyone can help stop dating violence, even if it’s simply through bringing awareness to the fact that it is real and affects many people.
Dating violence is an ongoing pattern of behavior in a relationship where one person exerts power and control over another. It’s not solely limited to heterosexual partners or married couples, but can apply to all types of intimate partner relationships. Dating violence is also not limited to physical violence. It can include emotional abuse, humiliation, possessiveness, manipulation, isolation, academic abuse, threats and sexual abuse. An abusive relationship is not mutual; one person uses coercion to manipulate the other person in the relationship and exerting their dominance.
Since abusive relationships are not limited to physical violence, they are frequently marked with the use of coercion. Coercion is using emotional or psychological force to pressure or manipulate someone into doing something that they don’t personally want to do. This may involve pressuring someone into giving in, or not letting someone leave. For example, refusing to give someone a ride until they give in, threatening to spread rumors about someone and threatening to “out” someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Subtle coercion can often be more dangerous than obvious coercion, because subtle coercion is less likely to be identified as a form of dating violence. It can even be saying something as simple as, “But don’t you love me?” to manipulate a situation.
By bringing more awareness to dating violence and clarifying misconceptions about its definition and effects, dating violence can be better understood by everyone and is more likely to be identified and stopped. Misconceptions will only perpetuate myths that dating violence is only physical or sexual, or that only women and heterosexual relationships suffer from dating violence. If a friend has confided in you about an abusive relationship, the best support you can offer is to listen without prying for more information. Instead of asking questions, offer them resources. You can find local resources at www.pave-uw.tumblr/com/resources. If you have any more questions, or want to get involved with Promoting Awareness/Victim Empowerment, email [email protected].
Alex Young ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in political science and history and is a volunteer with PAVE.
