Opinion

First time must be thought out

This is the conclusion of a five-part series promoting Sex Out Loud's annual Sexual Health Week.

Have you ever thought about what your first sexual experience might be like or what your first time might have been like if circumstances were different? A person's first time can be an incredible experience or a complete disaster. If you want to avoid physical discomfort, sexually transmitted infections or just the awkwardness that may follow your first time, consider the following advice.

If you are a planner, you have probably created a mental script detailing your ideal first-time experience. Your thoughts of candles, flowers, romantic music and a sweet summer breeze have created an image of perfection in your mind. These are all good things to consider, but communicating with your partner is the best step you can take in making your first time enjoyable. While knowing what you want is important, you should expect some bumps along the way. For example, does your cinematic first time include the moment in which you pause to put on protection? Probably not. When it comes to doing the wild thing, you need to have a sense of humor, whether it is your first time or your 67th time. If you are comfortable enough to have sex with someone, you should be able to laugh off any awkwardness that may occur during that time. Since your first time will probably not exceed those expectations of perfection you have set, this level of comfort with your partner will help smooth out the not-so-smooth situations that may arise. Other factors can contribute to a more enjoyable experience as well.

First, you will want to make sure that you are in a relaxed setting when you decide to have sex for the first time. If you need your favorite pillow or you feel especially at ease in your dorm bunk bed, plan accordingly. Don't forget about your partner, though. Knowing your partner's feelings, intentions and important things like STI status can help relieve pre- and post-sex stress. You particularly want to avoid locations where you might get interrupted, like the entryway of your apartment building, or where you have a limited amount of time.

Have you ever rolled your ankle while walking down State Street at bar time, only to laugh it off? While it wasn't bad at the time, the next morning you can bet that you will no longer be chuckling due to the immense pain that you are in. Alcohol and drugs block special pain receptors in your brain, so having such substances in your system inhibits your ability to recognize signs of discomfort in you or your partner. Alcohol also tends to lend itself to improper use, or failure to use protection, no matter the level of experience. Besides, excess alcohol reduces vaginal lubrication and inhibits a male's ability to obtain and sustain an erection. Alcohol seems to make everything sleepy. Inconsistent with the horror stories that you may hear, your first time can be pleasurable, but you need to cut out the alcohol and drugs.

When you have talked to your partner and you are ready to go at it, you want to make sure that you take everything very slowly. Both partners should check in with each other often. If someone is experiencing discomfort, trying a different position might help. For a woman's first time, being on top may be the best option, since it gives her more control over the depth and speed of penetration. If she is experiencing any pain, she can slow things down or move her hips in circles instead of sliding up and down. Just because it is your first time doesn't mean you need to feel pain. If it is painful, do not hesitate to stop and try again another time. Also, don't be afraid to let your partner know that you are uncomfortable, because adjustments can always be made.

Your first time does not have to fall into the horror-story category. In fact, it can be incredible. Remember that if your first time does not go completely as planned, there is time to improve for the next romp session. And don't be afraid to set your expectations high, but remember that this isn't the movies.

Brett Krueger (bskrueger@wisc.edu) is a senior majoring in economics and Chelsea Brieman (brieman@wisc.edu) is a junior majoring is psychology. They are also Sex Out Loud staff members.