Opinion
So, do you want to make out with me?
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Also by Lindsay Zuckerman:
- Greek life can be positive, too (April 12, 2005)
- Cell phone etiquette checkup (April 26, 2005)
- Madison, UW places of unique bonds (May 3, 2005)
- Past, present collegiate friendships (March 15, 2005)
- A spring break phenomenon (March 8, 2005)
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I’m going to ask the most cliché of questions — can guys and girls be just friends? — and try to answer it with the most original of answers. Being 22 years old and a senior at UW, I’ve seen and experienced my share of relationships, friendships and the like. But one question that I am always asked is, “Why don’t you hook up with so-and-so? You guys get along so well, yadda yadda yadda.”
I have my fair share of friends — guys and girls — with whom I love spending time. I guess they wouldn’t be my friends if I felt otherwise. After going home for winter break and being bombarded with the ever-so-long line of questions by my parents’ friends: “Is there anyone special?” “Any guys in your life?” Here’s my answer: well, actually, yes there are. All my friends are special, and yes, there are tons of guys in my life. Except there’s one thing: they’re just my friends. Or are they?
This is a question so often pondered, yet hardly ever given a clear and concise answer. Is it really possible to hang out just as friends? I think so. But then again, that doesn’t mean I’m not sitting there wondering what would happen if, all of a sudden, one of us was to make the move. Sometimes the answer in my head says that would be great. Other times, I quickly shake the image from my mind.
The one thing I like about maintaining friendships with guys with whom I am not immediately enamored is that I know their greatest qualities — they are capable of being great friends and sometimes fill a void. But other times I see guys in relationships not act like the same friend I know toward their significant other, which furthers me into maintaining simply friendship. Again, the occasional make-out session still may cross my mind. But the relationship-furthering does not.
I decided to ask one of my guy “friends” about this thought process, and here was his answer: “You know, I know it’s possible to be just friends with a girl because I’ve done it before. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about hooking up with her. It’s a gray area.” I then proceeded to ask him how I performed (in his head, rather), and he answered “a little more flexible than most.” I found this interesting. Take note: a few days later, he informed me, “Hey, guess what? Remember how I told you it is possible? Well, I actually hooked up with one of my friends from home this weekend. So I don’t really know if it is possible.”
There is such a thing as a gray area, and I’m going to propose the “Gray Area Theory,” in which it is possible to be friends, but impossible not to think of the “I wonder ifs … ” The Gray Area exists for those who believe being “just friends” is actually attainable, yet cannot ignore the sexual attraction. For those of us who cannot ignore the urge, well, we all know what happens then. One of the two is going to make the move, and let’s all hope the other doesn’t turn away.
Yes, I believe that we can all be friends, chummy, lunch buddies, whatever you want to call it. But I don’t think it’s possible, no matter how prude or promiscuous you may be, not to let the “gray cloud” enter your head. A series of “what if’s?” and “could it be’s?” that will forever be omnipresent in our young-adult minds. So now that I know some of you guys are thinking the same things I am, it may be a little more difficult for me to look you in the eye without psycho-analyzing you. But I still want to be your friend. Really.
Are you thinking about making out with me? Because I might be thinking about making out with you.
Lindsay Zuckerman (lzuckerman@badgerherald.com) is a senior majoring in journalism.
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"A little more flexible than most." lol
I think it's not possible. Chicks are too emotional. Never heard of a "benefits" thing working out long term either...
Didn't that awful MTV series "Undressed" do a storyline on this a few years ago?
Do I wanna make out with you? I dunno, Lindsay. Can I see a picture of you? Are you clean? Do you snore? Are you HIV-positive? You're not a psycho, are you?
It is possible for guys and girls to be friends, but being a guy often times the reason I even start talking to a girl is because I want "hook up" with her. I think the idea of a platonic relationship is something that is more easily accwepted by girls rather than guys. I have a question for all the guys who have reads this article, "In the platonic friendships you have, did you try to have a platonic relationship first or did it just turn out that way?" More often then not guys rather hook up with girls than be there friends. That is just my opinion. Good article Lindsey, I enjoyed it!!
It is possible for guys and girls to be friends, but being a guy often times the reason I even start talking to a girl is because I want "hook up" with her. I think the idea of a platonic relationship is something that is more easily accwepted by girls rather than guys. I have a question for all the guys who have reads this article, "In the platonic friendships you have, did you try to have a platonic relationship first or did it just turn out that way?" More often then not guys rather hook up with girls than be there friends. That is just my opinion. Good article Lindsey, I enjoyed it!!
Lindsay Zuckerman rocks!!! A young carrie Bradshaw in the making.
Lindsay Zuckerman rocks!!! A young carrie Bradshaw in the making.
hey linny, love the article seriously and hope my mom wasnt one of the "friends" who bugged you about any one special!!!
amy and madi