OPINION & EDITORIAL
A lesson in Madison etiquette
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Also by Emily Friedman:
- Tenure at paper teaches, changes (May 10, 2007)
- Straight or gay, hire either way (May 3, 2007)
- Tragedy provides opportunity to re-evaluate nation's violent culture (April 19, 2007)
- Anti-abortion methods go too far (March 29, 2007)
- 'Don't ask, don't tell' hypocritical (March 15, 2007)
Related Stories:
- Cell phone etiquette checkup (April 26, 2005)
- Lessons in lecture hall etiquette (September 1, 2004)
- Rank & file (September 1, 2004)
- Teach For America inspires progress (February 14, 2007)
- Standards for professors (March 16, 2005)
by Emily Friedman
Thursday, September 30, 2004
One of my first childhood memories is of kindergarten. Every time we left our classroom, I would walk, along with my 20 or so other classmates, in a single-file line to our destination, usually a room just down the hall. Each time we were about to leave the room, without fail, our teacher Mrs. Pickelle would remind us to “hold the door for the person behind us” and that whoever was last in line was responsible for turning off the light. Years later, I often think about Mrs. Pickelle, and the common courtesies she tried to instill in 20 sticky-fingered, trouble-making 5-year-olds.
Now, as I go through my daily routine of going to class, going to the gym and other mundane activities, I wonder: are these courtesies really all that common?
Many of you are probably expecting a male-bashing article, all about how boys don’t buy girls enough drinks, don’t open enough doors, and don’t constantly bow down to girl’s needs. This is not the case. Generally, both males and females are responsible for the lack of chivalry on our campus. Regardless, I am hoping that everyone will become more aware of how we all treat our fellow students.
First, does it really take that much longer to wait and hold the door for the person behind you? I don’t think so. My day was brightened today when, upon stopping into the Langdon to use their ATM machine, a boy was exiting the door, and, despite obviously being in a rush, stopped and held the door open until I was close enough to grab it from him. He probably thought I was crazy when I thanked him profusely. I was just so pleasantly surprised by his manners that I couldn’t help myself.
On a similar note, there is the issue of elevators. One of my girlfriends described a game that she and her friends used to play when they lived in Ogg last year. When the elevator reached the lobby and a guy would get out before the girls, they would stare at him with contempt. Some may question if the five seconds wasted waiting in the elevator is really going to be life altering. Life altering, no. Irritating, definitely.
One of the most surprising things I have experienced while at school in Madison is that despite the huge student body, I find myself running into the same people again and again. Why, then, when I try to be nice and wave, smile or say a quick “hi” to people I recognize from various classes or events, I feel stupid and somewhat insulted when I get not even a nod in return? The worst is when people recognize you, look you straight in the eye, and then instead of smiling or saying hi, just continue on their way. At least make the effort to pretend you don’t see me. That way at least I’ll know (or try to convince myself) that you didn’t ignore me on purpose.
If you’re anything like me, sitting in the middle of the row in a large lecture hall is reason enough for a panic attack. The idea of having no fewer than 10 people on either side of you, trapping you in the row, is my worst nightmare. It is for this reason that I always sit on the aisle in lecture halls (as well as movie theaters, if you must know). Of course, someone has to sit in the middle of the row, and these are the people I admire. I happily stand up for them, fold my desk down, and generally move out of their way to help them get in the narrow row. Often I witness people partaking it some intricate acrobatic act, trying not to spill their coffee while hopping over backpacks, legs and flip-flops, all to get to their seats in a crowded lecture hall. Can we all agree to please just stand up and move, and let everyone sit where they want to sit?
I remember in middle school we were all so happy to be free of the single file lines that ruled our elementary school life. We could walk where we pleased, do what we pleased and were generally feeling great about ourselves. Now, in college, we enjoy even more freedom in our daily lives. I beg of you, though, let us not forget the simple lessons we all grew up learning and practicing. You may have left behind your crayons and toys a long time ago, but please don’t forget your manners.
Emily Friedman (ecfriedman@wisc.edu) is a sophomore intending to major in Journalism.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 11:38am):
my dear emily, you have not been in Madison long enough to know that chivalry is not dead, but that the male population has been beaten down by the women activists, which has left the men confused and therefore afraid to act like gentlemen.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 3:33pm):
So what do you want, equal rights or chivalry? Take your pick, honeybuns.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 4:57pm):
Hmm this isolated case of bad timing upon the entrance of a building does not really justify a pejorative generalization about a community in which you feel doesnt meet your etiquette standard. I think this is an important issue to discuss so I thank you for bringing it to our attention. The epidemic of people from the east coast who are indifferent to the disposition of others is very troubling to many. However we all shall get along in perfect harmony and take in stride that there are people from every region of the continental US (and Alaska) that are rude, and those that are CHIVALROUS.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 5:35pm):
I cannot believe that an established newspaper like the Herald is allowing such immature and illogical writing. The fact that Friedman thinks that I, or anyone else for that matter, cares about what her pet peeves are make me sick. How about this Emily? If I see you on the street, I'm not going to pretend I don't see you. Instead, I'm going to make sure everyone on the street knows that you are the one who wrote this self absorbed article about what ticks you off. The fact that you are even thinking about majoring journalism is an embarassment to yourself, this paper and the University of Wisconsin as a whole. You make me sick.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 5:59pm):
It is obvious to see that you gentleman agree with this article or else you would not be badgering and hating on a girl you have never met. the truth is, everything she said here is true. Everyday when i walk into class i get a door slammed on me, I get rude men cutting in front of me, or slamming into me without an apology. Not even men, some women do too. I completely agree with you Ms. Friedman and ask you not to take to heart what these bastards are saying. From one chick to another, i applaud you.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 6:26pm):
this is the most ridiculous thing in the entire world. obviously no man in the world will admit that this article is right, and no girl will say she likes having a door slammed in her face, nor having to step over ppl to get into class. emily, you're article while not the best i have ever read has some valid points. so can we a put rest to this because there will never be a right or wrong...
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 6:27pm):
Ignorant prick who wrote that emily made you sick? Yeah, hi, my name is Leslie Wilkers, i have blonde hair, green eyes and I will be glad to give you my schedule so you know when I will be walking down the street. Because I swear to god if you do anything to me or any other girl i will beat you down. how on earth could you say something like that?
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 6:28pm):
To the moron who wrote that Emily made you sick. You realize you just proved her entire article true, right?.....yeah think about that one.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 7:40pm):
This is from the moron who wrote the previous letter:
What you dont realize is that the whole world doesn't cater to you. People should have good manners and be courteous to each other. I agree with that aspect of the article. In fact, I agree with the entire article, but the fact that this girl thinks I care that shes offended because people don't but their desks up when they leave a lecture hall is absurd. Leslie Wilkers, I'm sorry if I offended you, but the fact that you care what Emily's pet peeves are is absurd.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 7:42pm):
I know Emily Friedman...shes a whore.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 7:42pm):
I know Emily Friedman...shes real easy
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 7:43pm):
Emily Friedman is easy
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 9:35pm):
I think Ms. Friedman just has to accept that not everyone is going to like her, nor will everyone always be polite to her and those around us. If they were, clearly she would have nothing to right about. Oh wait, then she would complain about that. I think she needs to make her mind, or just get over these petty issues. Yes, it is great when someone smiles to you in the street, or holds a door for you, but it is really not the end of the world if someone does not. I am sure that even Ms. Friedman has the days when her smile is not always on.
Anonymous (September 30, 2004 @ 10:49pm):
Nice article Emily. Shameful it's "online only," as it is a timeless, relevant issue.
This serves as more evidence of how bad the newbie Herald editors are.
Anonymous (October 1, 2004 @ 12:28am):
Haha i can't believe such a fight started from this article.. I would love to see Leslie kick some ass, i think it would be funny. Everyone made a good point, although i was slightly offended by the east coast comment. Not everyone from the east coast is "indifferent to the disposition of others" i think people in the midwest are too sensitive and judgemental at times, you automatically assume the person in line who slammed the door in your face is from the east coast. Yes people from the coast can be snobs and assholes at times, but darlin', the world isn't perfect. Now i'm not going to start some east coast-midwest fight, that's like being in the 3rd grade and fighting about who ate your cookie. But please don't assume such things.
Anonymous (October 1, 2004 @ 1:08am):
Hello Ms. Freidman-
I am disappointed in your article, which does not emphasize the values of journalism: honesty and evidence. Your one experience at the the Langdon does not parallel the lack of chivalry at the UW campus. Ask yourself, as establish your claim, since you are such a experienced journalism student. You leave Tom Brokaw in the dust! Wowsers!, Sounds like you had to meet a deadline and pulled this out of your but we shouldnt focus on the specifics, except for your irresponsible journalistic techniques. Chivalry is not dead, your brain is. Find something better to write on. Have you thought about a career in homemaking?
Anonymous (October 1, 2004 @ 1:54am):
Ding Ding! Hear that Emily? That's the clue train whizzing by, you obviously missed it. This editorial is the biggest piece of garbage I've ever read. As the other poster wrote, you provide no real evidence to back up any of your claims- this article is nothing more than a laundry list of things that piss you off. There are 40,000 people on this campus in addition to the tens of thousands that live in Madison. Not everyone is going to have the same ideals as to what constitutes good manners and what doesn't. Not everyone was told told to hold doors open for people as a young child and to think that everyone was taught the exact same definition of chivalry as you is ignorant. The large majority of people on campus here do not willingly go out of their way to irritate people- just because someone didn't hold a door open for you or left the elevator before you doesn't mean they are bad people, and I can garuntee they weren't doing it to try and be rude. In addition, most people don't spaz over such trivial matters that they feel the urge to post an editorial about it.
Anonymous (October 2, 2004 @ 10:45pm):
If you're anything like me, sitting in the middle of the row in a large lecture hall is reason enough for a panic attack.
...what?
