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‘Sex is not death,’ speaker proclaims

A professional sex educator told University of Wisconsin students Monday evening they need to be open about issues relating to their sexual health.

Jay Friedman’s talk opened Sexual Health Week, hosted by the campus group Sex Out Loud, and presented his views and values about sex education.

“Sex is not death,” Friedman said, “I refuse to be a part of sex negativism.”

Paula Tran, Sex Out Loud’s events coordinator, said the event is an opportunity for students to “talk in an open and honest environment.”

The theme for the week, “Asking for Name: Optional. Asking for Consent: Required” was determined in a contest during February’s National Condom Week, according to Tran.

She added Sexual Health Week is held annually to promote sex positivity, one of the primary messages in Friedman’s speech.

Though people have a natural desire to learn about sex, “Victorian attitudes” about sex lead to negative stigmas, said Friedman. Nationally, America is a sex-phobic society, and it is only getting worse, he added.

Friedman talked about the effects politics have had on sex education, asking students to fight against abstinence-only education.

“This issue is paramount in our cultural and political climate,” he said.

According to Friedman, Americans use scare tactics in early sex education like showing the negative effects of sex like sexually transmitted infections and the high rate of teen pregnancy. Though he affirmed abstinence as the best prevention method against infection and unwanted pregnancy, he encouraged students to become a “generation that talks to your kids about sex.”

Friedman showed a Scandinavian sex education video near the end of his speech. The video, which could not be shown in most high schools in America due to its graphic content, Friedman said, was used in middle schools in several European countries.

He added he showed the video to contrast European sex education with its American counterpart.

Friedman said because most sex educators are women, he focused more on the male perspective of sexual education and described the three main pressures on men to have sex. These are “locker room talk,” homophobia and the “myth” of blue balls.

He said he recommended three requirements before having sex, including affirming the other person, accepting responsibility and consent and assuring mutual pleasure.

If the three conditions are not met, Friedman added, he encourages students to look to masturbation.

“It’s normal if you do it, and normal if you don’t,” he said.

To close his speech, Friedman promoted his national campaign “Kegels with Your Bagels.” He asked students to exercise muscles of the pelvic floor in order to increase sexual strength and stamina.

Several students, including UW freshman Alison Manley, said they appreciated Friedman’s openness on the topic of sexuality.

“It’s nice to actually hear someone speak without barriers about sexuality [who] doesn’t have to take precautions,” Manley said.

However, several students questioned the credibility of his speech.

Anna Carlson, a UW junior, said she enjoyed the talk but disagreed with some of his statements about sexual interaction and his diagramming of certain female body parts.

“Having taken women’s studies [at UW], it’s not all correct,” she said.

More Sexual Health Week events will take place during the week, including a debate about pornography, an exotic dance class and a fashion show for charity, according to Tran.