Welcome to October, my Badgers. As the weather cools down, let’s talk about ways to keep the heat on high in your bedroom.
I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. I really want to try some role-playing with him, but I am afraid he’ll reject me when I ask him. What should I do so I can have my man and my fantasy?
I will defer to the brilliant Dan Savage for general advice on this one. Probably the best advice he has ever given is this: When people are first getting involved sexually, they should always ask the lovely four words, “What are you into?” Doing this from the very beginning not only fosters a relationship full of open communication, but it lets you know if any kink you or your partner has is a deal breaker. In your situation, I’d have this conversation immediately. He may have the same fantasy, but you’ll never know until you try.
Many couples do not share every kink. Rather, they share an openness to explore each other’s kinks. See if he has something he’d like to incorporate into sex. Then try to fulfill both fantasies in one go with an open mind. It’s a give and take situation: If you want him to be open-minded about your role-playing fantasies then you should make every attempt to return the favor. However, if he cannot accept your kinks or vice versa, then I’d advise finding someone who is willing and able to fulfill your sexual desires. A relationship shouldn’t be one of sexual frustration or coercion. Everyone deserves someone who will let them be themselves. Just a small peek at OkCupid, and you’ll realize someone exists out there who would not only allow you to wear a naughty nurse outfit as you hump it out but would also happily be your patient.
How can I make oral sex more enjoyable when I am the one giving it? I feel like oral sex is sometimes a one way pleasure.
If the problem has to do with the general taste of pure, unadulterated genitalia, I would recommend a flavored dental dam for the ladies, flavored condoms for the gentlemen or flavored lube for either gender. A huge range of lube flavors are out there—from banana to cherry—so you should be able to find something to your liking. If you’re short on time, and you don’t have any of these items on hand, fear not! You can always grab some whipped cream, chocolate syrup or any easily-dispensed food item of your choice and go to town. If you want, put a small amount of ice cream in your mouth before taking the plunge to give your partner an unforgettable sensory experience.
If your problem with oral has more to do with the smell or landscaping of your partners naughty bits, I would recommend that you move your party to the shower. The water will help to keep pubes from tickling your nose, and this way you can incorporate a massage with some body wash to help reduce any odor. If your partner’s pubes look like something from “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” you could also always request they trim before you go down on them (5-plus sexy points if you offer to help). However, you should respect his or her choice if shaving is not something they are willing to do.
If your problem has to do with discomfort or a lack of stimulation for the giver, you can take some different strategies. The 69 position removes strain on the jaw and tongue and keeps both partners’ juices flowing. During 69, one partner lies on top of the other—or both lie on their sides—with their genitals facing their partner’s mouth, and both partners give oral sex at the same time. This position better accommodates the slight curve that penises tend to have and reduces the resistance against your jaw as you give your partner head. If you’re pleasuring a female-bodied partner, this angle places your tongue at the level of your partner’s clitoris, reducing the ache your tongue may feel after extensive eating out. Furthermore, since both people are stimulated simultaneously, it’s easier to take a small break from the action without completely ending all sexual contact. Additionally, this way no one gets all the action, so everyone’s sexual needs are given the attention they deserve.
That is all for this week, Badgers. Until next time, stay safe, stay warm and stay sexy. Remember that if you have any questions for us Hump Day ladies, you can send them into email@example.com.