Best sex lives, climaxes paired with communication

Welcome back to another Hump Day! It seems as though the majority of you are bogged down and overwhelmed this semester, so I’m happy to see from your questions this week that you’re all still finding time to get your hump on. Let’s dive right in and see what we can do to make the most out of your limited time.

My question is … my boyfriend is too rough in bed, and it’s not fun for me. He doesn’t have a lot of sexual experience, so most of what he knows is from porn. How do I help him become better in bed?

Have you talked to him about how you feel? Communication is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, and the reason he keeps continuing with the rough sex is because you haven’t let him know that it’s not working for you. You shouldn’t talk to him in a way that would make him feel like you’re attacking him, as that would make him feel bad about himself. Simply telling him everything he’s doing wrong won’t fix much. Instead, after letting him know that you want to take the roughness down a notch, tell him the things that he can do right by giving him examples of different moves, positions, etc. that are pleasurable for you. 

You also mentioned porn. Even though most porn scenes are highly unrealistic, there are bits and pieces you can take from them and bring into the bedroom. Try watching porn together, or even a steamy movie scene, and point out the moments that turn you on. 

It’s important to remember to let each other know your respective limits, and that relationships are give and take. You both just have to figure out the right balance of what you’re both into.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than a year. We have a very active sex life, but the problem is, he has never given me an orgasm. In fact, nearly every time we have sex I fake it, and I feel bad for doing it. Should I say something?

Yes. You should have said something over a year ago. Again, communication is one of the biggest keys to a satisfying sex life. 

I’m assuming since you know the difference between having an orgasm and not having an orgasm that you have had one before. Do you know why you’re not reaching an orgasm with him, though? If so, let him know, respectfully and kindly, exactly what it is he can do to help you get there. If not, you need to figure out what’s going on first. 

Do you only have sex in certain positions? Switch it up. The good ol’ missionary or doggy style may not be doing it for you anymore. Try being the person on top, whether you’re facing forward, backwards or sideways. The point is for you to control the pace, depth and motion. Do you know that it takes you awhile to reach orgasm, but you’re not going at it long enough with your boyfriend? When you can tell he’s getting to that moment of release — and some people even tell you when it’s happening — let him know you’re not ready and you want him to keep going. 

Are you not doing enough foreplay? Foreplay is another huge factor for satisfying sex because it helps to make your erogenous zones a little more sensitive, which in turn helps bring you a little more pleasure. Some people don’t absolutely need it. Then again, there are some people who can only reach orgasm with foreplay. Let your guy know if you want to take some extra time in the beginning to work your way up to the main event, and make sure to return the favor.

Most of the time when my boyfriend and I have sex, he comes. Sometimes, however, he doesn’t “finish” at all, even after going at it for over an hour and mixing it up with oral, anal and other types of stimulation. Why does this happen? Is he not into me or having a good time?

There could be many different reasons causing this to (not) happen, none of which include that he’s not into you or not having a good time, especially since you’re saying this is something that only happens once in a while. 

Did he masturbate earlier in the day before the times where he doesn’t come? Men aren’t filled with an endless supply of ejaculate, so once he comes, it can take some time for more to be produced, and that time differs for everyone. 

While it may not be that he’s not into you, he may not be into the moment. Not because it’s not sexy or he’s not turned on, he may just have some other stressors on his mind so that he can’t concentrate on reaching orgasm. It may be frustrating for you, but try not to show it while you’re getting your sexy on. Him thinking that he’s getting you upset may add to whatever is going on down there. 

Like I said, there are many possibilities about what could be happening, but the best thing you can do is talk to him about it. He may know what’s causing this and just isn’t sure how to go about discussing it with you.

That’s all for now! Stay safe and stay sexy, Badgers!

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