Hump-up your Valentine’s Day

Happy Hump Day, Badgers!

I hope your week is so far so good, but I know tomorrow is really the day everyone is waiting for — even if it’s because you simply want it to be over with. Valentine’s Day is when you spend way too much money on flowers, stuff your face unnecessarily with chocolates because calories don’t exist for 24 hours and declare love for someone who you can’t do without any other day of the year. Whether you’re single, fuck buddies or Facebook official, my goal for you is to not let Valentine’s Day go to waste this year. Yes, Valentine’s Day is all about the romance, but let’s face it, at the end of the day we all just want to get our hump on.

Do you have a special someone? Don’t just buy them some goodies, go to dinner, have some sex and call it a night. If you’re going to take the time to invest in some V-Day date planning, then take the time to avoid being cliché. This is especially important for those of you in it for the long haul. Kick it up a notch! Flowers and chocolates are great, but, well, flowers die, and if those chocolates are for your lady friend she’ll probably save them for another time of the month — if you know what I mean. Try something you can both benefit from, like chocolate fondue and fruit. Not only will dipping fruits into hot, melted chocolate that you slowly feed into each other’s mouths get you hot and heavy, but chocolate and fruits like strawberries are natural aphrodisiacs that will lead you to wanting even closer contact. Also, try fruits like bananas, which are know to enhance male performance (not to mention watching your partner eat something in that shape is erotic in its own), and pineapple, which has been known to make cum taste somewhat sweeter. Also, if chocolate just happens to drip somewhere other than in your mouths, well then you’re probably going to have to lick that up.

When it comes time for the horizontal tango, it’s fine to just go at it like you normally would. But it is Valentine’s Day. Light some candles and take the time to slowly undress each other. It sounds kind of cheesy, and I know you just want to get to business, but seeing each other’s skin in candlelight, watching as inch-by-inch a little more skin shows, feeling your partner’s touches and hot breath so close as you remove each other’s clothes … Trust me, taking that little extra time is so worth the orgasm you’ll have later.

For those of you who don’t have that super special someone, just someone who satisfies all your humping needs, you’re more than welcome to try some candlelight romance. But if you’re not comfortable with any of that yet, then don’t rush it. Instead, do what you two do best: fuck. In honor of Valentine’s Day, though, give something new a try. It doesn’t have to be anything life-changing — unless you want it to be — just something you wouldn’t normally do with each other. My recommendation for bringing a little extra heat into the sheets is to use vibrators and lube. Don’t think of vibrators as huge penis-shaped things with tips and beads of pulsating pleasure. There’s a huge assortment of vibrators that can be as small as marbles or as big as those huge penis-shaped things — none of which are required to be inserted anywhere. If you haven’t tried using vibrators before, then I’d recommend starting small with something like an electric cock ring you can buy at pretty much any drugstore. These are great because, if you have a partner with a penis, you just slip it on to the base of their shaft, turn it on and both you and your partner will feel a little more intensity. Whether there’s an insertive partner or not, you can use the ring to press up against your partner’s nipples, vulva, anus or other area that provides pleasure — just to give some extra waves of sensation. Lube is another super easy extra pleasure helper to bring into your usual routine. If you’re using an insertive condom, add a drop to the inside before you put it on to get a “wetter” feeling, but be careful not to use more than that or the condom may slip off. You can also rub lube on a penis or vulva to make the ride a little smoother and help you feel each move you both make a little more intensely.

Are you going it solo this year? Don’t worry, that doesn’t mean you can’t give yourself some time alone with you, yourself and your favorite battery-powered partner. If all you have is your hand, don’t be afraid to squirt some lube on there this time. And if by yourself, disregard what I said about not thinking of a huge penis-shaped thing with pulsating tips and vibrating beads of pleasure. Light some candles, jump in a hot, soapy bath and turn that baby on high!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Until next time, stay safe and stay sexy!

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