Welcome to another Hump Day, Badgers! Hopefully everyone had a relaxing break and you are all ready to dive into more answers to your sex-related questions! The theme for this week is noise – or the lack thereof – in the sack. This is definitely an important topic to anyone who shares a room, apartment or wall with another human being, a.k.a. every single one of you. Onto our first question!
My girlfriend and I both live in the dorms, and so it is already really hard to find alone time, if you catch my drift. When we do get a moment to ourselves, we can’t get anywhere ’cause she’s a screamer during sex and the whole floor can hear us. How can I tell her to quiet down a bit without ruining the mood?
Well, at least you know you’re doing something right, my friend! On a serious note, I can’t blame you for wanting some privacy while you get it on, since that is quite the commodity in the dorms. You definitely don’t want to broadcast to everyone when you are doing the deed. So, if your girlfriend is not aware of her earth-shaking screams of pleasure, it may be best to just be blunt and tell her to quiet down. If you are truly worried about her reaction to this request, I do have a few more suggestions that could help solve the problem while remaining sexy.
Remember the “quiet game” from your childhood, where people got you to be quiet by turning it into a game where the first person to make a sound lost? Well, make it sensual by challenging your girlfriend to play during sex. Put something up for stake, like having the loser buy dinner for the winner or promise her a “special prize” if she can hold out the entire time. After agreeing on rules, turn the lights down low and jump into bed!
If games are not really your style, or she doesn’t take the bait, try getting her in the mood by whispering sweet nothings in her ear during sex. Put your lips up to her ear and quietly tell her what you are going to do to her, then trail kisses down her neck. Chances are, if you start whispering she may follow your lead. You may be surprised at how hot making love quietly can be once you give it a try!
This last idea is not for the faint of heart, but it can have quite the payoff! If your girlfriend is a bit more on the kinky side, you could always try a rubber ball gag or balled up piece of fabric. The inability to talk and power dynamic shift can add an extra spark to your love life while granting you a solution to your problem. I do recommend a beginner gag that is relatively small to allow for ease of breathing, and one that has a Velcro closure for quick removal. However, if you do go down this route, make sure to communicate beforehand and decide on an action that takes the place of a safeword, like having her tap your arm. Furthermore, make sure to repeatedly get consent and check on your girlfriend throughout your escapades!
Hey Hump Day ladies, I’ve been having some problems with my boyfriend lately. He doesn’t make ANY noises in bed and I’m worried I’m not pleasing him as much as I could. Should I be worried?
Fact is, some men turn into mutes during sex while others shout to the heavens. It seems your man is the former in this case, and that is perfectly okay! It could be he is embarrassed by the idea of vocalizing his pleasure to you, or your expectations may be higher due to the unrealistic scenes in porn. Or he may just prefer to remain quiet and enjoy your attentions without any interruptions. If this still worrys you, sit him down and explain to him you like it when he groans, and you plan on driving him wild until he is yelling your name. Make his toes curl and watch him unwind at your hands and mouth. Tease him with foreplay until he begs for release, and then ride him off into the sunset.
I can’t imagine he will resist your pleas for some vocal gratification, but don’t fret if he’s still silent. The Kinsey Institute released a study examining sexual vocalizations that found, in most cases, partners made sounds to increase their partner’s arousal, not to give a display of their own. In fact, in many instances, the moment where people reported making the most noise during sex did not correlate with having an orgasm. Therefore, chances are despite his lack of “oohs” and “ahhs,” if he has an erection, you have nothing to worry about. If you still aren’t sure, then turn on some loud music to help relieve any pressure to perform as things start heating up.
That is all the bed-rattling fun we have for this week, Badgers! Until next time, study hard, stay healthy and stay sexy!
Katherine Harrill is a junior majoring in psychology. To have more of your burning sex questions answered, give her and the rest of the Hump Day ladies a shout at email@example.com.