Burn, baby, burn: Add oomph to calorie-burning

Happy Hump Day, fellow Badgers!

It’s getting colder, and I’ve found it’s getting harder to make myself venture out to the gym. Some of you may also be having this problem, so here’s a fun fact: Did you know during 30 minutes of active sex, a person will burn around 200 calories? Not to mention all the muscle conditioning! So call your partner over and see how many calories you can burn together.

Like any other workout, you need to warm up first. Kissing alone burns about six calories a minute as long as you’re doing it somewhat vigorously, and remember that kissing counts even if it’s not on the mouth, so keep moving your mouth down your partner’s body. Whether your partner has breasts or not, you both have nipples. Your lips have been doing a lot of work so far, so make sure your tongue gets put to use by slowly making circles around each of their nipples. You can even backtrack a little by sliding your tongue back up to their neck and mouth, but make sure you head south again. While this is happening, your partner could be getting their warm-up too. Giving a massage can burn about 70 calories, so while you’re warming up your mouth they could be working on their hands by rubbing your shoulders, neck, arms or back. They can keep doing that as you head even further south. Keep using that mouth!

Oral sex burns approximately 100 calories an hour. Does your partner have a vulva? This is what your mouth has been warming up for. Have your partner spread her legs as far as she can and hold it. It’ll get even harder to hold them apart as you start using your mouth on her, forcing her to work her thigh muscles even harder. Want to make it extra challenging for her? Focus on her clitoris, making circles with your tongue as you put a little pressure on it. The clitoris extends deeper into the body too, so make sure you also stimulate that part by massaging just below on either side of the visible part of it. 

Are you ready to work on your arms? As you’re using your mouth, insert your fingers in and out of her pussy using a thrusting motion. Next you can curl your fingers toward her belly button to both stimulate the G-Spot and give your forearms a little extra work. Does your partner have a dick? Ask him to stand to up to increase the intensity of this workout. Instead of getting on your knees, stay on your feet and squat the entire time your mouth is on his cock. Give your arms a workout too by paying some attention to his balls. Massage them, and every once in a while give them a light squeeze. You can even use your hand on his cock to give you a breather or to add a little extra sensation. Switch hands every once in a while to make sure each arm is getting an equal amount of work. Feeling the burn yet?

Once you and your partner are adequately warmed up, you can move on to the main workout. Let’s start with the missionary position. If you’re the person on bottom, work your hips and contract your core to match your partner thrust for thrust. Or tell them to stay still while you do the thrusting alone. Either way, you can give your thighs a burn by wrapping them around your partner and pulling them toward you over and over again. If you’re the person on top, you get a core workout too. Many people use their leg power when thrusting toward their partner, but this time focus on using your core to do the work for you. Hint: The harder and faster you go, the more conditioning your core will get. Let’s work on your arms while we’re at it. If you’re one of those who rests on their elbows or keeps their arms locked, switch it up this time by resting on your hands and keeping your elbows bent. It’s like doing a thrusting plank!

Want more intensity? Just switch up a few simple moves for each position. If you like straddling on top, don’t just place your knees on either side of your partner. Instead, place your feet on either side and lower yourself onto them. Your thighs, ass and calves will be feeling the burn. Going at it from behind? Just like in the missionary, contract your core as you match each other thrust for thrust. If you want to up the intensity even more, try fucking your partner standing up. You’d have to hold them up with their legs wrapped around you, but you can always use a wall or other surface for support.

Are you going at it solo? Don’t worry. You still burn 100 calories or more for every 20 minutes you masturbate. Make it a little more intense by lying on your back. This will make you have to use your core because you are reaching further.

Whatever you do, if you’re breaking a sweat, you’re probably getting a good workout in. I hope these tips help you feel less guilty about skipping the gym! Until next time, stay safe and sexy!

Elizabeth Taylor-Schiro is one of the Herald’s sexy power trio. Say hello to the Hump Day ladies at [email protected] and get your sizzling questions answered.