Find a hump-mate tonight with these easy tips

It’s that time of the week again peeps — Hump Day! We’re officially halfway through the work week which means only a few more evenings until there’s enough free time to get back to the hump sessions that keep you pushin’ through. No, is that just me who only has time for sex on the Lords’ days? Well screw you and your amazing blessed sex lives then. JK.

Many of you have been writing and approaching me asking, “Sam, how the heck am I supposed to meet that special — or fuckable — someone on campus when there are 45,000 fish swimming in this sea?” Legitimate concern, baby Badgers. Most people would appreciate having companionship or someone to get their rocks off with every once in a while. Even now as a senior, some of my upperclassmen peers are in this sudden tizzy to find someone who they actually intend to settle down with. Oy vey, growing up is a scary thing to do!

If you’re looking for a place to meet cool people or take a cool person on a free date this week, consider this your official invitation to WUD Film and Sex Out Loud’s screening of “American Pie” tonight at 7 p.m. in the Marquee Theater at Union South! If your trouble is finding someone to take on a free date, read on.

You first-year students have the benefit of claiming innocence. It is very much socially appropriate for you at this stage to just walk right up to strangers and strike up a conversation, introduce yourself, ask some surface-level personal questions and grab an in. For those of the more introverted kind, this can be an incredibly intimidating thing to do. So here’s your new motto, I want you to repeat it to yourself daily until it sinks in — “fake it ‘til you make it.” Got that?

I’m not at all saying that you need to spread your bounded wings and transform into an extroverted butterfly. I’m no psychologist and I tend to believe that introverts contribute a quiet, grounded and reflective insight to the workplace. But, you know, to find a partner, you have got to be willing to put yourself out there at least a bit to make a connection. Fake yourself out that you can actually do it and eventually speaking to new people will feel natural. 

Also, clichés aside, join clubs or organizations — or at least go to a couple kick-off meetings — that appeal to you. Because chances are, other people will be there that also share that interest. And people who share a similar interest that is strong enough to pry themselves up off the couch and go to a meeting tend to have other things in common. Opposites may initially attract and have some heated, passionate, explosive chemistry, but across life spans, birds of a feather really do stay flocked together.

For those still quaking at the idea of talking to a non-familiar human, just take a casual approach. If you do happen to put yourself out there and things go awry, the best I can tell you is to chalk it up to bumping into a random a-hole who insists on sticking with their high school friends and didn’t get the memo that college is a time to get out of your comfort zone and meet new people.

Here’s another response for your insatiable curiosities.

My first time having sex was extremely painful. Could my hymen have had one of those “anatomical anomalies?” 

Maybe. Maybe not. Hymens come in all different pretty patterns that are formed while we’re still in the fetal development stage. There are lots of different kinds of hymens, sort of like how there are lots of different skin types and hair textures. Some types may require more tearing or stretching than others, but all kinds are perfectly normal. 

There is one type, called an “imperforate hymen” that may need more medical attention. This is when the opening to the vagina is actually completely blocked. A quick snip trip to the doctor is all it takes to open up, which is actually pretty important for period blood to flow out. 

For any female-bodied people feeling a bit nervous about cherry-popping, you have a few options before the big day. Some doctors, upon request, are glad the take a peek and cut the hymen before first time sex to avoid any jagged, painful tears that penetration might cause. You also may be able to stretch the hymen yourself as well, just by sticking a finger up there and pressing the hymen against the vaginal walls, 360 degrees all the way around. And now you know!

A revision from Hump Day on 9/12: Last week, I reported that most lesbians would be considered virgins in the traditional definition of the word. In fact, The Guttmacher Institute reports that about three-fourths of women who identify as lesbians have a history of sex with men. Sexuality, sexual identity and sexual preferences are very fluid concepts. They may change through years, relationships, even minutes! Combine that fluidity with a heteronormative culture and the stigma associated with coming out and it’s no wonder that many lesbians have had sexual encounters with the opposite sex.

Sam is a senior who will be at “American Pie” Wednesday night. Meet her there or e-mail her your burning sex and love questions at [email protected]