Ann: It’s nice to try something new, but it’s time to return to a god-given hair color

At this point you could argue Sarah and I have a thing for hair. After all, this isn’t the first time we’ve featured a heated debate about pop culture’s most famous tresses, nearly coming to fisticuffs in our cluttered arts corner. But disputing the manes of Super Bowl legends and deities is small peanuts compared to the larger issue we’re currently being obnoxiously bombarded with.

It’s been this way for months, and yet I still refuse to embrace the flaming red.

Let’s just get it out of the way right from the start, Rihanna’s hair is wack. I know, I know every heterosexual male drools uncontrollably at the thought of creating the aroma of sex in the air with Rihanna, but the red locks just don’t work, not even for everyone’s favorite bad girl brandishing a whip.

Never mind that the color isn’t found in nature, she looks like a Raggedy Ann doll, or worse, Ronald McDonald. It is the literal personification of “Disturbia.”

It’s admittedly difficult to compete with the eccentricity of Lady Gaga or the glitterati of Ke$ha, but rocking the red is no way to compete. What’s so wrong with being normal?

Gracing the cover of this month’s Vogue magazine (i.e. the Bible), fashion superhuman Anna Wintour seemed to sanction the red locks, but even with the one I worship putting her stamp of approval on this phase of salon experimentation gone wrong, I briefly pondered its appropriateness and nearly agreed with Sarah.

But then I reined in my minor deviation and realized Sarah is indeed wrong (again). The red has got to go.

Sarah: Brilliant, fiery locks are, well, brilliant: Red tresses let confidence shine bright

Rihanna’s red hair: I know all of you reading this have seen it because you couldn’t miss it – even with 20/200 vision. OK, so at first glance she looks like a friend of mine who was “Annie” in our middle school play and let her mom talk her into a box dye that was a very un-orphan shade of red. But I think it rocks.

The first time I encountered Rihanna’s new look was in her “All of the Lights” video with Kanye West. Fortunately the seizure-hazarding effects gave me no trouble – a genuine relief to me since there’s a long history of epilepsy in my family – and I was able to clearly survey the singer’s overall appearance. I liked the hair right away, and though it was shocking, it seemed to go well with her eyes, skin tone, etc. 

Plus, this latest phase is far less offensive than the barely-there black outfit of “All of the Lights” or the denim panties she was sporting in a recent Rolling Stone photo shoot, the issue for which she was featured on the cover and had a multipage story written about her love life. Again, I am much less disturbed by the S&M creator’s vivacious red locks than her apparent attraction to violence, elaborated upon in said Rolling Stone article.

The bottom line is that Rihanna’s confidence and good-looks easily shine through no matter how her hair looks, and this hue merely complements her fiery personality. If Lady Gaga thinks she can pull off bright yellow then surely Rihanna, the sexiest cultural ambassador Barbados has ever had, can rock the red.