A shout out to my fellow Badgers and Hump Day fans! My name is Allie Eggers, and I’m your new Hump Day guest columnist. I’m a senior majoring in English and communication arts. Besides my interest in all things sex, I sing and I dabble a bit on the piano and am deathly afraid of Claymation movies. As your guest columnist, you’ll hear from me from time to time whenever a fun, sexy topic strikes me. Feel free to ask me, or the rest of the Hump Day girls, anything and we’ll be sure to get back to you in the column. I hope I can help provide a little relief in between papers and exams this semester. Enjoy!
Wrinkly, saggy, wet. These are all words that can describe an up-close and personal experience with the va-jay-jay. Yup, a girl’s vagina isn’t exactly the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen close up. Actually, it really isn’t pretty at all. It’s pink, flabby and it probably looks like something you should see in “Alien 2.” I have one, and I’m not saying mine is all that special either, though I have to say I have had more than one down-there lover tell me I have a “nice pussy.” I guess I should take it as a compliment on my pristine vaginal care, but most of the time I don’t understand why a guy thinks it’s so wonderful. Trust me, when it comes to the cooch, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time in my room, mirror under my hips, checking out the hardware. Not that impressed.
But despair not, my fellow pussy possessors! Lucky for us, there’s a hot new way to spice up your va-jay-jay and this craze is about to sweep the nation — or at least the campus. Here’s how I came across this new trend. So I’m flipping through my monthly edition of Cosmo and turned the page to what could be either completely ridiculous or completely genius. I guess I’ll let my fellow female readers decide. What might this craze be you ask? Well hold onto your labias ladies, here comes vajazzling!
That’s right, vajazzling. Girls everywhere have started decking out their va-jay-jays with gems and sparkles. Even celebrities are getting in on the v-bling action. Now just a little glitter and rhinestones can turn the most timid taco into a vajazzled vag.
So how exactly does a girl go about blinging out her lady business? It’s all actually quite simple. It can be done in one quick trip to the spa. Step one is to completely wax the area — a girl needs a clean slate to properly vajazzle. Then, your region is prepped with a quick cleanse and dry. Next, the spa attendant applies crystals to your newly waxed skin. The crystals are kept in place by a strongly adhesive, yet completely invisible material on the backside of each gem. The rhinestones are meant to stay in place for at least five days, and you can choose from various designs from symbols to flowers to butterflies. You’ll be leaving the spa feeling like a completely different woman.
It all sounds genius right? Besides the fact that you aren’t allowed to have sex for at least 24 hours after your vajazzling session, at a risk of loosening your bling, there could be a few other disadvantages. Cleaning up the crystals down there could be an issue, and the last thing a girl needs is for a guy to be repelled by some questionable stains on her v-bling. And who’s to say if guys are even into a vajazzled vag? Turning your va-jay-jay into a down-there disco ball may not be what your man is looking for, and a chunk of rhinestones on your cootch could provide a considerable barrier to any oral action you might be receiving.
Still, vajazzling can make a woman feel more confident in her skin. Not to mention a good vajazzling session can cover up C-section scars or other unflattering blemishes or bumps. And for those of you ladies whose bedroom escapades seem to be at a grinding halt, maybe a little v-bling action is just what you need to spice things up. It’s impossible to deny your man would be intrigued, and maybe even aroused, to find a gleaming surprise tucked under your panties.
So the verdict is still out on this one. To vajazzle or not to vajazzle? I guess that’s the question we’re left with, ladies. Personally, I’m all for blinging out my business. We already put rhinestones on our phones, our iPods, our clothes — why not on our vaginas? A little crystal action on our va-jay-jays can’t possibly be any more painful to the eye than Jon Gosselin’s Ed Hardy wardrobe. It’s your choice ladies, but a little vajazzling could be just the thing to pull you out of a sexual slump, or at least leave you with a little more pride in your pussy.
Didn’t quite get enough of vajazzling? If you have any more comments or questions for Hump Day email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.