So… I have a question that’s not exactly about sex, but has a lot to do with it. The whole freshman 15 thing has really impacted my chances of getting some. I wear more layers than my friends at parties to cover it up and look good, but I don’t feel sexy. I hate going to the gym because everyone there is flawless. It’s so frustrating!!! I guess, what would you guys do in my situation, seeing as you’re probably getting a lot more than me.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another addition of “Everybody’s Been There,” the game show where society tries to make you feel like you’re alone in feeling insecure, when in reality, everyone is right there with you!
In my entire existence, I have met one, count it, one girl who’s absolutely in love with her body. All of my other fantastically gorgeous girlfriends have some beef with their build. Some are too short, others are too tall. Some say they have big thighs, and others say they have no ass. All of this talk is absolutely ridiculous to me, as they are completely beautiful and confident in all areas except when it comes to their bodies and what potential partners might think of it.
Enter: men. And not just any men, but my super sexy guy friends who make my life so wonderful. Even they get gun-shy when it comes to bodies. My friend J won’t step foot inside the SERF because he feels like he is out of shape and only in-shape people go there to show off their sexiness. You are definitely not alone in your perception of gym-goers.
The pervading ideology of the perfect body image is both sickening and impossible to accommodate. Both men and women are afflicted, but in all honesty, women have really caught the shaft of it. Historically, it’s been a man’s character that’s been scrutinized, while for women it has come down to their physical features. A good friend of mine, due the stress of finishing school in three years in an honors program while working full-time to support herself, went from a size 2 to a size 8. I call to compliment her on her achievements, majorly impressed, and all I ever hear is, “Ugh, but I’m FAT now. The only good thing to happen to me is that I went from a B cup to a D.” No friends, it’s not the academic rigor to be proud of, it’s the tits. Fucking-a.
Lady, listen to me — knock it off. Stop objectifying yourself. You are more than your body parts. You are a personality, a sense of humor, a shrewd business sense and a super-genius. You are a brilliant laugh, an emotional support, a sexy dancer and a big fucking deal. Own it. When I walk into a bar, I am confident that I will find a good-looking son of a bitch to dance with me. Coincidentally, I’m also a size 12.
This isn’t a big girl’s rallying cry, nor is it an excuse to drink four times a week and lay around for the rest of it. If you aren’t liking your body for whatever reason, do something about it. Everyone at the SERF is a sweaty mess at some point, and everyone had to start out small. I’m often the biggest person in my SERF class, but it doesn’t bother me a bit. I’ve probably lapped you on the track once or twice. Just saying.
FF, you can be the sexy one at those parties, you just need the right inspiration. Because even if you’re working out and shedding that freshman curse, you can still feel eons away from your goal. Stand in front of the mirror naked, hopefully when your roommate’s at class. Check yourself out! You’re young, fresh and fabulous. If you can’t see that, pick one body part that you adore on yourself and show it off. Starting with that one part, you can grow to love the rest of you just as much.
And hey, don’t feel inclined to dress a certain way because you feel you must to be socially acceptable. I’ve officially boycotted heels because I can’t dance in them and they make my feet hurt like a bitch. My ass looks great without them. Done deal. Once you start dressing up like yourself, people will gravitate toward you because they like who you really are and not just the mask you put on.
Darling, you’re not fugly. You’re frustrated. There is a huge difference. If you get rejected once or twice at a party, it can feel like you should just give up. Even big, muscle-y dudes with a GTL mantra get rejected fairly frequently, and you don’t see them staying home on a Friday night. The key to great sex, and finding a partner to provide it, is confidence. Knowing you look good is awesome, but it’s your persona that really seals the deal. People want to fuck other people that they’ll have great time with — why else would you do it?
This weekend, put your personality on display and own that room. Whether your shirt is a small, medium or large, make your charisma a 5X. Maybe the hottie you’re jonesin’ for is feeling just as insecure, so why not let him or her know those jeans look amazing on them, but that they would definitely look better on your floor.
A final note, directed to the men who may not like it if the women of this campus heed my advice. If they do, what you guys are going to have on your hands are some fierce femmes who are proud of themselves for exactly who they are, and thus may be none too inclined toward your empty pick-up lines consisting of, “You’re hot. I’ve validated your existence, now sleep with me.” You’re gonna have to step it up, and that means getting some personality yourselves. Don’t be afraid of us; just respect that girls with confidence play on a whole new level, and we’re the type of girls that you never forget, in or out of the sack.
Nikki Signer is a political science and religious studies major and a facilitator for Spill. Got beef with your sex life? Send your troubles our way at firstname.lastname@example.org.