The Badger Herald: ArtsEtc.: Hump Day returns with a vengeance, new columnist

ArtsEtc.

Hump Day returns with a vengeance, new columnist

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Also by Nikki Signer:

Practice makes perfect for not-so-perfect bed partner (November 10, 2009)
Bisexual Behaviors: I want it both ways (October 21, 2009)
I wanna love you, but let's just fuck (September 22, 2009)
Hump Day returns with a vengeance, new columnist (September 1, 2009)

By Nikki Signer
Tuesday, September 1, 2009 8:01 p.m.

7 Vote 4 Votes

I understand that sex can be (and usually is) difficult to talk about in certain situations. In high school, when many of us were figuring out how far to go and what to do when we get there (Women orgasm too?), it wasn’t always an easy road. Unless you had parents comfortable enough with their children’s sexuality to discuss what they might be feeling and how to avoid negative consequences with a broad spectrum approach, you probably had a lot of feelings and situations you had no idea how to handle.

There was a lot of trial and error, shame and secrecy involved in the process — something I for one would have loved to go without. Add religion on top of it and it’s understandable why sex was simply labeled “dirty” and swept under the rug. People like simplicity, and all this ethical complexity is perhaps the main reason why adolescence sucks so much. You have the feelings but you can’t do anything about it. Awesome.

We at Hump Day would like to label this as false. Since our audience is 18 and up, we proudly acknowledge that human sexuality is beautiful because it is uniquely human. All those feelings you had in high school, well, they’re actually OK to have. And if you find someone else who shares them, you can even act on them. Wow!

If you both want to have loud role-play sex with the dom being Aaron Rodgers and the sub being Brett Favre, go for it! If you both want to not have sex, get to know each other in other ways and wait until some sort of commitment ceremony, that’s great too! In short, Hump Day is a place where curious Badgers can find out how to own their sexuality, because like it or not, we all have it.

My big gimmick is to hammer into everyone’s heads that it’s good to talk about sex. Salt-n-Pepa only scratched the surface; no one should be “mad and sad and feelin’ bad” about the lovin’ they are receiving. If you are unhappy, something needs to change. Sex is all about feeling good before, during and after.

A good first question: have you ever had an orgasm? If “no” or “not sure” is popping into your head, something is awry. Even if it’s against your beliefs (or comfort level) to achieve an orgasm with someone else present, you shouldn’t deny yourself one of the best feelings in the world. If you are personally against masturbation as well (or orgasms in general), you should probably stop reading this column here.

It is my belief that before anyone else pleasures you, you should learn to pleasure yourself. I say this because an orgasm is a very personal moment that brings forth feelings of attachment; if you can first feel that for yourself, you can sense it is you owning your sexuality rather than someone else. An orgasm involves both physical and mental components: You may be literally going through the motions, but without focus it may never happen.

The solution? Porn! All pornography is not created equal, and if the stereotype of fake tits, oiled musclemen and terrible dialogue is turning you off, you have not done your research. There is something for everyone on free sites like Youporn.com and Xnxx.com. It can be weird watching strangers have sex if you’re not used to it, and if one video is not working for you, try something else. Remember, straight people can watch gay porn and still be straight and vice versa. Exploring what turns you on should never be shameful or limiting. It’s kind of fun to see what Freudian dilemmas you get yourself into.

All right, you did it! And now you want someone else to. “How To Never Have Awkward Sex: Guaranteed” would probably be the best-selling book of all time, but it doesn’t exist because figuring each other out can be very difficult. A way to resolve this, remarkably, is talking dirty. Too slow? Too deep? A little to the left? All this can be conveyed during the activity using whatever lingo best suits you.

And again, even if it feels perfect, sometimes it can be hard to come. This is when you close your eyes, focus on the moment in the video that made you come solo, and keep acknowledging how good your partner is making you feel until the big moment hits. You don’t have to inform your partner you aren’t completely focused on him or her for a few moments; it’s still your partner who is making you climax here. Cheating? Not at all. Afterward you and your partner can enjoy how amazing the sex was, regardless of outside catalyst.

This next thing should be really obvious, but for some reason it’s not. If both partners are involved, both partners should come (unless agreed upon beforehand). This especially goes out to the ladies in hetero hole-in-the-mattress relationships. If you aren’t getting yours, go find a guy who will. You are being severely neglected.

This column has been blasted recently about being too open, too smutty and having no morality. If you ask us, we love the first two accusations because we’re all about being open and smutty (this is a sex column, everyone, not polite dinner conversation). But the last accusation is one I personally take offense to. I direct everyone to the Wikipedia article on “morality,” because they have it stated much better than I could. Morality is not, and never has been, a one-size-fits-all concept. To be morally right in one culture varies greatly from being morally right in another, and to think this campus embodies only one culture is completely unfounded. Yes, it is over 80 percent Caucasian, but it is not over 80 percent Puritan.

I am open and honest about how comfortable I am with sex, but it took a lot of examination for me to get here. If you have any questions about your own sexuality, be it your orientation, sexual health, dealing with parents/loved ones, etc., there are plenty of resources for you.

Spill is a great new organization on campus that can help. Via anonymous e-mail, you can receive answers on any subject from your peers who are not judgmental and just looking to help someone in need. Talking about sex is hard but worth it. And with campus resources like StudentSpill.com, (and others such as the LGBT Center, Sex Out Loud, UHS and more) anyone can become comfortable with who they are.Nikki Signer is a political science and religious studies major and is a facilitator for Spill. Spill does not necessarily endorse these views. Have questions? Get an answer by e-mailing humpday@badgerherald.com.

7 Comments | Leave a comment

Anonymous | September 2, 2009 9:38 AM | Reply
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“…human sexuality is beautiful because it is uniquely human.” Human sexuality is uniquely human, kind of like how dog sexuality is uniquely dog or gleep glop sexuality is uniquely gleep glop.

Anonymous | September 2, 2009 4:54 PM | Reply
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welcome back Hump Day. Best of luck this year in your journalistic and sexual endeavors

Anonymous | September 4, 2009 8:59 AM | Reply
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“Morality is not, and never has been, a one-size-fits-all concept. To be morally right in one culture varies greatly from being morally right in another, and to think this campus embodies only one culture is completely unfounded. Yes, it is over 80 percent Caucasian, but it is not over 80 percent Puritan.”

That people on this campus disagree over what is moral and what is immoral goes without saying. But where do you make the jump from “people disagree about moral issues” to “therefore, the position I take is not immoral”? You think that the advice you give is moral. I think the advice you give is immoral. We could discuss how you believe actions are immoral if and only if they hurt other people. We could discuss how many people believe actions are immoral if they go against the revealed moral law of the Ten Commandments. But you instead take personal offense when people say that this column is immoral because there are many students who agree with you.

Anonymous replied to comment from Anonymous | September 4, 2009 11:10 AM | Reply
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To September 4 at 8:49,

It is always the people that disagree that are the most outspoken. Just because you see a lot of comments disagreeing doesn’t mean that the students don’t like the article. Good job with the article, keep it coming.

Anonymous | September 4, 2009 11:27 PM | Reply
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Great article. Moving and something everyone thinks, but few say.

Anonymous | September 6, 2009 1:13 PM | Reply
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Very well written. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with talking about human nature, and I couldn’t have said it better than you. I’m looking forward to the column!