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Dolls just don’t dominate
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Also by Steve Lampiris:
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- Midwest quintet lacks 'spirit' (February 24, 2009)
- Battling Beatles: McCartney wins (February 9, 2009)
- The 'Boss' needs 'Work' (January 28, 2009)
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Universal Music Group has its collective head up its ass, so much so that it has a better chance of seeing digestion at work than daylight. Cruel as it may be, it’s the only way that a logical person can explain the existence of the Pussycat Dolls, much less their new album Doll Domination.
The Dolls clearly went all out with this album, hiring A-list producers like Ne-Yo and Timbaland, who is becoming so in-your-face with his production that one has to wonder why vocals are even added. That said, his presence may well be a relief with respect to this disaster of an album if only as a distraction mechanism from the Dolls. “Magic,” for example, has its beat so high in the mix that the Dolls have to struggle to actually be heard. Way to take one for the team, Timbo. For a guy who’s been unknowingly descending deeper and deeper into self-parody in the last few years, Timbaland scores with this song.
Timbo also is in top form with “In Person.” The beat recalls ’60s soul but, once again, it’s ruined by the ridiculously contrived snarkiness of the group. The threat of “I’m a hurt him when I see him” is so absurd that it makes those who believed the universe to be geocentric seem reasonable.
Timbaland might be the only producer here who actually tries on Domination. “Happily Never After,” co-written by Ne-Yo, features both a bland beat and a synthesized background but, perhaps worst of all, an acoustic guitar that sounds like it has been pro-tooled into oblivion. Really, why bother using real instruments at all?
Behind the boards or not, talent behind the lyrics is in shorter supply than Antarctica’s palm tree reserve. The Dolls (and guests) are so hard up for lyrics that it’s a wonder that they even bothered with them at all.
Witness part of the chorus from “When I Grow Up,” Domination’s first single: “Careful what you wish for ‘cause you just might get it.” Um, OK, that’s usually used as a caution. But the song is about the Dolls wanting to grow up and be famous. So, the song is mystifyingly stupid on multiple levels: the Dolls caution themselves about something that’s already happened (which is insane on its own) — not to mention something positive — and yet they still wish it to happen in the future. Got that? I need Albert Einstein and a flowchart to fully explain this disaster. It’s like a Möbius strip mind-fuck extravaganza.
Or, perhaps the album’s second single illustrates this point. “Whatcha Think About That” features a guest spot from Missy Elliot who utters the train wreck, “Play like Katy Perry, kissing on girls.” So, even the guests are so out of ideas lyrically that they’re forced to make references to other pop songs — from the same year. Hell, from the same season.
As an instrumental record, Doll Domination might very well be decent. Some of the production is stellar and doesn’t deserve to be waterboarded by the Dolls’ “singing.” But as it stands, Domination is just another example of why modern pop music is unjustifiable trash — trash that isn’t even worth the plastic onto which it’s encoded.
Don’t cha wish this album didn’t exist?
1/2 star out of 5
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I love reading reviews like these, because the average readers are made aware of the fact that the review should be taken with a grain of salt. Immediately into the review, the writer implies that he dislikes the Pussycat Dolls. How can we expect anything but a overly negative, inordinately slanted and cynical review? Truth be told, I don’t mind the Pussycat Dolls. I’ve even grooved to their singles sometimes. Yes, I’d give the album about 2/5 stars, especially due to poor vocal production (only one doll sings). But I’d never let hatred for them saturate my review.
I heard it through the grapevine that you should be positive going into the movie/album you’re reviewing. It allows for a more balanced review. Evidently Mr. Steve Lampiris is ill equipped to review anything. The editors of this newspaper, much like Univeral Music Group, must have their heads up their asses.
I agree. Poorly written article.