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New Kids ‘block’ed on reunion album
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Fourteen years is more than ample time for an artist to mature, both in terms of personality traits and of sound. And so, New Kids on the Block, perhaps the blueprint (or the blame) for the boy band explosion some years ago, are back with their new disc The Block, their first album since 1994’s Face the Music.
But, wait, what? Maturity? From a boy band? The one with Donnie Wahlberg? Never mind, this is some sort of sick joke. Or, it may very well be the best satire of pop music this decade. If it is the latter, then kudos to whomever dreamt the concept.
More than likely, however, the former is true, which is to say, this record is a literal atrocity to the ears. The Block fails so completely in whatever endeavor it was attempting that the rubble left behind in its wake can’t be salvaged for playground gravel.
The song titles alone are the most ridiculous of the year. “Sexify My Love” is, of course, the dumbest of the lot, with “Click Click Click” coming in at a very close second. Both songs, like the rest of the album, are fourth-rate attempts to use the trendy urban pop/R&B sound: background synths, a very simple beat holding the song together and vocoder, vocoder, vocoder. The songs run together so much so that the album is one worthless pile, courtesy of Universal. Keep in mind that these songs — aimed at teens and preteens — are being sung by guys pushing 40.
Since the “instrumentals” of the songs are so similar, the lyrics are really the only thing separating one song from another. As a result, this makes an odd album in that the lyrics become, perhaps incidentally, the focus of the album instead of the music or the harmonies.
And why wouldn’t a boy band’s comeback album have a lyrical focus with a line like “In your strapless sundress/ Kicking back, no stress/ As long as we was together”? Guys in their late 30s employing the phrase “we was together” is evidence enough that this record sucks something awful.
But perhaps a better example of the forehead-slappingly moronic lyrics is found in the second single, “Single.” The song is a (terrible) attempt at a pun on the word “single”, both in its meaning of a song and of a girl’s relationship status. This is best exemplified in the incredibly thought-provoking chorus, “Pretty mama, if you’re single, single/ You don’t gotta be alone tonight/ So while the DJ play this single, single/ Just pretend that I’m your man tonight.” The titular word loses all meaning by the second chorus, and, by the end of the song it’s nothing but background noise. Ne-Yo’s guest spot on the song only intensifies the suffering.
Despite all that, the album’s worst moment — and this is really saying something — is “Grown Man,” due mostly in part to the Pussycat Dolls’ chanting some dismal come-on during the chorus and some impressively god-awful warbling during the bridge.
I’d like to be an optimist and suggest that this album could be worse, but I’m just not sure it’s possible. Simply put, The Block is the sound of a little piece of humanity being slaughtered.
0 stars out of 5
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“We welcome your throughts, but please keep your feedback throughful, on topic and respectful?”
Respect is earned…not given.
This album ROCKS! If this review stops someone from buying the CD, I feel sorry for them.
I listen to everything but gospel…I’ll give anything a try. The New Kids certainly surprised me with this CD…so much so that I’m buying copies for half the people I know. It’s hot, it’s now, they knew what they were doing with this album and I’m actually awaiting more from them!
Obviously you are some middle-aged, balding man who only wishes he had half the attention that the New Kids are getting. You are talking about song titles when you write for some newspaper called “The Badger”. Come on honestly you have no room to be talking!
It is obvious you went into this with a clear, open mind about the New Kids….is the sarcasm dripping to heavy for ya?
If you had gone into this with the open mind of a journalist and not with the thoughts of someone who grew up jealous of the New Kids, probably because the girls liked them better than you, then maybe you would have seen that the guys really have matured and that this sound is something that is hot right now.
The guys were never out to change the world with their music - they were out to entertain their fans and this album does the job 100%.
Forever a New Kids fan!
I’ve got to respectfully disagree with your review. I have a feeling there’s nothing New Kids on the Block could do to make you like their album. It’s a solid and respectable album from guys who definitely know their way around a recording studio. It’s current, it’s relevant. There are those who would hate it if they stuck to their old style and there are those who will hate it because they changed. Some people can’t be pleased. I’m a fan of good music, and without a doubt, these five guys from Boston have outdone themselves.
Jesus man. Well written and funny, but damn.
Obviously another former little boy who hated the New Kids…being that most reviewers are praising the album. The target audience is women between the ages of 25-35 (which I am) and I happen to love the album.
I loved the New Kids in their day. Went to concerts, bought every casette, video and related “crap”. I am a big fan. I was really looking forward to this CD and……….
I am so disppointed! I laughed through the entire CD. The lyrics are beyond cheesy! I expected something better. I’m not saying I expected Mozart but, this is just too sad.
I did my part I bought the CD but, now I wish I had spent my money elsewhere.
I still will listen their old stuff but, don’t know if this one will get more of one or two plays on my ipod
I have to agree with the above anonymous poster about being disapointed.
Although, I think your review was a bit harsh, I have to agree that the lyrics were just.. not good.
The electronic vocals that are just HOT now, don’t need to be used on all the songs. There are a couple, yes..a couple, of songs on the new album that I like, but most of them, I’m finding I’m skipping them.
Please.. I wish their music would have grown up like they did, and actually created GOOD music. I’m totally not into the whole.. rap/hip hop stuff. Maybe I’m just old.
First of all I am in the target age group from when they first came out to even now when they released their latest CD. I loved them when I was a kid.
Secondly, this article was a bit harsh but seriously, if NKOTB really wanted to be mature and serious about this music, this album did not do them justice. Admit it, Steven realy hit home on this article quoting the lyrics that frankly suck. There is no way around a bad album. If you are going to tell the truth, hit it hard.
Nice job!
Wooooow, I’m shocked! I mean, every album, movie, etc., is going to have it’s share of bad reviews. Different tastes and all. But you? Obviously have a hatred for NKOTB, and it seems, Donnie in particular. This is not an honest review (ie., I didn’t care for the album, or certain songs, because…) . this is an outright hate mail, disguised as a review.
What bothers me most is your thought that this album is marketed toward teens or preteens… have you actually heard the lyrics to some of these songs? To suggest something like that is kinda sick.
Maybe you should get some help. For the penis envy to start, and then go from there.
Each to their own comes to mind but… There is really a lot of negativity in this record. A number 2 album in the USA… Sellng 300,000 tickets for their tour… kinda says the opposite of your review. I actually like the new album, its fun, good to dance to, it lifts my spirits…
It seems like the negativity from this review, is directed at the lyrics which whilst in part were written by some of the group, are other people’s work as well, so before slating these “40 year old men” think about the other people who have worked on this too. As much as you are a journalist/critique writer, what gives you the right to attack the words of someone else’s mind? These guys don’t claim to be the worlds best lyricists that ever lived, they just enjoy what they do. If you don’t then fair enough. I am sure you’d be pretty fecked off if they came by and said that you were a crap journalist, especially considering that journalism isn’t their field of expertise.
And to whoever said get help for the penis envy… you put a smile on my face…