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‘Moment of Truth’: Television’s day of reckoning?
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Also by Bassey Etim:
- Presenting: The UC's guide to successful freestyle (May 1, 2008)
- From burned CDs to gigs, band's success not easy (April 24, 2008)
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Last night’s premiere of “Moment of Truth” marked the beginning of the end for TV as we know it. The show straps a crew of money-hungry Joe Schmos to a lie detector test and forces them to answer 21 questions that could ruin their lives. The best part is their loved ones sit in the studio audience taunting the contestants, glaring a hole through them or just weeping hysterically.
Sounds awesome, doesn’t it? So, why does it mean the end of television?
After we get tired of this show, there will be nothing left for us to be entertained by — seriously. Television has evolved rapidly in the last 50 years. From “I Love Lucy” to “M*A*S*H,” “The Real World,” “Survivor” and “American Idol,” television has been inching toward an entertainment singularity. It’s sort of like a gravitational singularity, except it’s the quantities used to measure entertainment value that become infinite rather than a gravitational field. That’s right, Einstein’s theories also apply to the boob tube.
These shows moved us closer to what I call the Peak Entertainment Level, or PEL. Of course, some programming is so bad it goes against the trend. I’d rather watch an episode of the “A-Team” than that crappy, canceled abomination “Joey” on NBC. And don’t even try to tell me “Gilmore Girls” is any more watchable today than “Doogie Howser, M.D.” But in general, old TV moves in slow motion compared to our current batch of multi-tasking-compatible programming.
For example, the “American Idol” tryouts are the perfect blend of mocking people stupider than us from “The Jerry Springer Show,” the bland musical wares of “American Bandstand,” and the ability of “Scripps Spelling Bee” to make it seem OK to laugh at small children fighting for college money.
The PEL of “The Jerry Springer Show” is an impressive 59.3, while “American Idol” rates a whopping 84.6. Once a PEL hits 102.4, it has been theorized you will never be truly entertained by anything ever again. Instead you’ll just remember bits and pieces of “Moment of Truth” and imagine it in place of whatever you’re watching.
How can you measure PEL from your own home? Well, it’s a complicated double-blind scientific formula with tons of those variable things. But here’s a simple version:
1) Measure the shock value from 1-20.
You may think this is a subjective cultural observation, but you’re wrong. After all, was “2 Girls 1 Cup” open to different cultural interpretations? Hell, no. That shit was disgusting in any language, on any continent. Just think of it this way: An eyebrow raise is a 5, an audible “gross” is 10, covering your eyes is 15 and giggling like a schoolgirl is an 18. While “2 Girls, 1 Cup” is 20, “Moment of Truth” is an 18.5.
2) Determine the visible pain inflicted on the loser (or antagonist) from 1-40.
This is an easy one. Maury’s teen skanks and negative pregnancy tests of 10 guys for one woman’s baby are a 30. Lives are ruined on national TV, but there’s just not a big enough audience during the day. “Moment of Truth” is a primetime 40. There’s nothing quite like watching a TiVo slow-motion replay of someone’s soul being crushed in front of a nation.
3) Measure the host or star’s “asshole quotient” from 1-10.
Simon Cowell is a real dick on “American Idol,” Ryan Seacrest is only a jerk some of the time, Randy Jackson desperately clings to his imaginary street cred and Paula Abdul is probably insane, but not in the good angry way. So, “American Idol” weighs in at a disappointing 4. “Moment of Truth” host Mark Walberg (not that one), on the other hand, is nice enough to keep the show moving but sets up the families nicely for inevitable disappointment with his damning small-talk questions like “Do you have small town values?” — yeah.
4) Resolve “hilarity/drama variability index” from 1-10.
Good television relies on predictability — that’s what makes it so damn relaxing, as thinking is strictly optional. Nonetheless, not being too predictable can still win points. If almost any variable of funny or dramatic crap can be plugged into the show’s standard equation, it’s a 10. I can’t even begin to think of all the embarrassing questions I’d ask a guy strapped to a lie detector if his wife was there. “Moment of Truth” easily scores 10.
5) Determine “Dude, that looks awesome” factor from 1-20.
Upon viewing the commercial for the show in question, you should say some variant of this phrase. TV concepts must be digestible in 15-second promos.
6) Calculate “How bad do you feel watching this?” index from -5 to 5.
Would you feel the need to explain why it’s on if someone walked into the room? Would you turn off the TV like you were caught masturbating? This is subjective and can be positive or negative. After all, no guy wants to get caught watching “Golden Girls.” But we all know guilty pleasures are that much more pleasurable.
Yeah, yeah, some people say TV is about great storylines and “scripts,” but let’s face it, stories are expensive (see: the writers’ strike), and television survives on cheap, repetitive, shitty sitcoms (see: “That ‘70s Show”). Even FOX knows they don’t really need to spend any brainpower promoting this show. A poll on the FOX website asked, “How often do you lie?” Sometimes? Never? Always? That’s a big step back from the previous poll: “Will u go out w/ House??!?” (check box) Yes? No? Maybe?
Indeed, this is the endgame for TV. “Moment of Truth” is literally the most entertaining thing that could ever be broadcast beside death match spectacles, and those would be totally immoral. Right, FOX?
The game is structured so host Mark Walberg (still not that one) asks six levels of questions. Completing a level is worth a certain amount of money up to $500,000, but if contestants don’t answer a question once it has been asked, they lose everything. The game does offer a bit of help, though — if Walberg asks a question your loved ones don’t want to hear the answer to, they can switch it out for another question once per contestant.
Of course, the show isn’t without its flaws. The sexy robot lady voice that reveals whether the answer was truthful waits way too damn long to say true or false. Plus, why the hell did retired NFL quarterback Rodney Peete ask a question?
I just can’t wait until the take-home game comes out, and you can strap morons to lie detectors from the comfort of your own home. Then and only then will I know whether my roommate “really cares about the starving children in Africa.”
Still, this is a bittersweet end for TV lovers. Don’t ask me how we’ll entertain ourselves after this show is over. Maybe we’ll turn to books, maybe porn. Maybe TV will just broadcast porn. I don’t know — I’m not a philosopher.
It may have taken an unprecedented string of unimaginable failures (see: “Love Boat” and “Temptation Island”), but the FOX network has finally created a show that could ruin TV for everyone. In the words of that space on the Internet they’re also trying to destroy, “Kudos.”
Bassey Etim (betim@badgerherald.com) is a senior majoring in political science and journalism. He is now taking bets on when FOX will finally debut the “Dane Cook tells terrible jokes while Jessica Alba strips in a cage hour.”
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i was such a nervous wreck throughout the show, i was eating rolaids instead of popcorn!
I watched that show and was also annoyed by the lengthy silence of the “True/False-O-Meter” WTF? Also if people want go on t.v to make fools of themselves go right ahead. I’ve got a lot of time to kill before finals.
The moment of truth has to be slated for cancellation following last night’s abysmal premier.
So, the contestants were questioned prior to the show and had to answer identically during broadcast? I don’t get it, why don’t they just strap them to a polygraph during the show… live?
Worst new show this week.
Carpoolers, however, is hilarious.
You forgot Joe Millionaire.
My wife insisted on watching this together. I was looking for a book or a newspaper to read. Failing to find one, this was so INCREDIBLY BORING that I literally fell asleep - three times during the show. This show will tank, but not because it is outrageous, rather because it is INCREDIBLY SLOW and BORING….
Many of the questions that were asked to the contestants were not correct and could not be verified by a polygraph!
If you ask: “Have you ever considered having an affair?” cannot be mesured with accuracy.
“Have you had an affair?” Can be mesured!
I think when the police use a polygraph, the questions that they ask are about factual events in which the subject has a binary yes no decision to make that affected the situation. “Where were you on Monday?”