‘Nobody Likes A Quitter,’ except if writing rehab memoir

by Jason Engelhart

Monday, November 26, 2007 00:00

The illustrious, gin-soaked careers of Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald and William Faulkner are proof that alcohol has fueled some of our country's greatest literary minds.  However, "Nobody Likes a Quitter (and Other Reasons to Avoid Rehab)" is proof that it takes more than a fifth of bourbon and a laptop to craft a decent read.
The book is the semifictional autobiography of Dan Dunn, author of "The Imbiber" column for Metro International Newspapers as well as the column's website. The book outlines Dunn's life journey from his dissolute, perpetually inebriated youth in Aspen to his dissolute, perpetually inebriated adulthood in Los Angeles. Dunn divides his narrative into twelve "steps," but unlike the progressive improvements one goes through in a rehabilitation program, these steps represent Dunn's aimless stumbling through a hedonistic life.

Much of this wandering consists of drunken escapades and womanizing at "booze junkets," all-expense-paid trips sponsored by liquor companies. The author tramps across Europe at these functions, touring breweries and distilleries, attempting to seduce women and drinking copious amounts of free alcohol. Dunn's description of these events shows a lack of emotional and intellectual depth. However, these accounts also prove that Dunn knows his liquor. In chapters such as "Whisky: Proudly Destroying Livers Since 1088" and "The Tequila Sunrise Also Rises (Provided You Drink Too Many)," Dunn shows that he is conversant in the language of fine spirits.

Other parts of the book are dedicated to Dunn's interaction with his roommate Bottomfeeder, a parasitic character for whom the reader would feel more contempt if Dunn himself were not so thoroughly annoying. Sadly, the author's simultaneous jealously for his roommate's success as a Hollywood screenwriter and contempt for his freeloading ways represent the pinnacle of Dunn's ability to convey complex emotion. Dunn's misguided imitation of his mentor Hunter S. Thompson is yet another lamentable part of the narrative. He draws on Thompson's disjointed narrative style and sense of the absurd without having the chops to put them to good use. Sadly, Dunn's writing is at its most compelling in the book's many drink recipes rather than his long-winded descriptions of his alcoholic and sexual escapades.

The main injustice the author does to Thompson's style is that he uses it to promote specific liquor companies. "Nobody Likes a Quitter" has enough product placement to put it in a sparsely populated class of artistic trash whose only other member is the film "I, Robot." At one point in the book, Dunn devotes almost two pages to singing the praises of a certain brand of rum. A quick check of his website reveals that that company is his homepage's primary banner ad. On the plus side, such utter disregard for ethical standards will be an ego-boost for readers who recognize they have more journalistic credibility than a nationally known wine and spirits columnist.

In spite of the simpleminded, misogynistic and journalistically suspect narration, "Nobody Likes a Quitter" is not entirely without merit. It is unique in that there are few other written descriptions of the decadent lives of "booze writers." Underneath Dunn's objectification of women and utter disregard for journalistic integrity, there is a moderately compelling narrative. It is simply a pity that such a unique topic was left in the hands of a man who writes like a cardboard cutout of Hunter S. Thompson that somehow happened to wrangle dozens of small endorsement deals.

On the other hand, Dunn may not have set out to write a good book. Maybe he set out to write a book so bad that readers would not be able to make it all the way through without the aid of a stiff drink or two. Considering how many brand-name liquors Dunn recommends, his corporate kickbacks are probably flowing like champagne in the Boston Red Sox locker room.

2 stars out of 5